[BlueWisteria]

Just like the title...
What do you do when you have a special interest that you can't engage in?

I have been incredibly anxious and depressed for years because I've had to suppress my true interests, and I was wondering how others cope if they have this problem.

I have many problems, among them I was diagnosed as asperger several years ago, and I feel that this current problem I'm struggling with may stem from this condition. I aplogize if this is confusing, because... I'm very confused and there is a is a long story behind these few words.

[manwithnofriends]

Your special interest is...? I have no idea what mine is, even though I'm at uni now. I think I'm interested in too many things at once.

[BlueWisteria]

I've been interested in training dogs at a competitive level since I was 14 years old, so way before I was even diagnosed. It's one of the only interests that I've been able to consistently focus on. I can think I'm interested in something else but it fades within a week. I'll bounce from one thing to another and its frustrating. I've gone through a lot of different phases but I know training dogs is what I'm meant to do. When my dog was still alive was some of the happiest years of my life.

I can't engage in the hobby because there are a lot of social skills involved in finding a dog. People don't tend to like or trust me, and they also don't listen to my needs. Recipe for disaster. I've been both shunned and met with hostility. It's gotten to the point where I'm so beaten I don't know if I'll ever find my new special friend to train with. I've been looking for three years.
There is also a lot of socializing within the hobby but people tend to be so eccentric that I can blend in most of the time...

That's the short version of my story.

[rosska]

I guess it depends on what your special interest(s) is(are). I fall into a deep depression if I can't engage in my special interests.

[Brackles]

By "training dogs at a competitive level", do you mean competition obedience, agility, or?

Have you tried joining an obedience training club? Joining a club will help you to build a network of acquaintances who can vouch for you when you get into contact with breeders. It's been my experience that most people who do obedience and rally are pretty friendly and willing to accept other's differences.

[BlueWisteria]

Yes I do mean that. I love the teamwork, precision, focus... it's amazing to be able to work with an animal like that.
I used to be part of some clubs when my dog was still alive, but some members had problems with me socially and I was an outcast for the most part in all of them. There was one individual who thought I was suspicious and spent a lot of time scrutinizing me. There were a few times that I was publicly humiliated by this person and I stopped going to meetups. I mostly enjoy training on my own anyway as I am not an extroverted person by any means. I have some pretty severe social anxiety and having a dog is helpful in getting me out and about.

[LadyShadow]

I think I am too depressed to engage in any special interests. Nothing excites me anymore, I can't break from this feeling I have of hopelessness. I guess like others said, it depends on what your special interest is and how much work you would have to put into it.

Same, PlatinumHeart, finding a special interest when you're depressed and alone is pretty difficult.

[Brackles]

Originally Posted by BlueWisteria

Yes I do mean that. I love the teamwork, precision, focus... it's amazing to be able to work with an animal like that.
I used to be part of some clubs when my dog was still alive, but some members had problems with me socially and I was an outcast for the most part in all of them. There was one individual who thought I was suspicious and spent a lot of time scrutinizing me. There were a few times that I was publicly humiliated by this person and I stopped going to meetups. I mostly enjoy training on my own anyway as I am not an extroverted person by any means. I have some pretty severe social anxiety and having a dog is helpful in getting me out and about.

Did you do obedience, agility, or both (just curious)? Training alone is good, but I've found that it's easier to proof and prepare for competition if I'm also taking classes with my dog.

If you think you may want to join a club again, I suggest that you consider having a friend or family member go to club meetings with you. I've pretty much always had someone go with me to obedience club meetings - having a person there who knows me well helps provide me with a social buffer. I do think it would be a good idea to go to a club other than the one where you had the run-ins with the individual who publicly humiliated you.

You said earlier that there are a lot of social skills involved in finding a dog - have you tried contacting breeders via email initially? I know I find it easier to communicate via email and oftentimes breeders will be willing to do a lot of the initial back-and-forth discussion online. Another option would be to get a rescue dog.

[-jimi-]

I don't do what I'm most interested in because I lost a lack of focus and stamina after the depression I had. It's lousy but hopefully I can ease myself into it but I get lazy.

It's weird that what I love the most is hard for me to do mentally.

But if I don't manage to get it back I can't see the point of life.

[BlueWisteria]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, all. Based on what others have said of their own plights, I could be in the same boat as you guys... Depression may be keeping me from being interested in anything else and finding a new interesting hobby I can do. That and the fixation on wanting what I can't have doesn't help.

Brackles, obedience, rally, agility, flyball, herding, mushing, and disc dog are all things I've trained in. I like to focus on agility. A few clubs here have green fees so you can practice on the fields around other people and dogs without needing a class. I much prefer that because we can go whenever we want, train at our own pace, and practice what we need to practice. Instructors around here aren't always the most knowledgeable trainers either. I also don't need to make small talk with people.

Originally Posted by Brackles

If you think you may want to join a club again, I suggest that you consider having a friend or family member go to club meetings with you.

I don't have any human friends and my family is either estranged or lives far away and has no interest in my life. What a downer, I know. I have some pretty serious trust issues with people to boot.

Originally Posted by Brackles

You said earlier that there are a lot of social skills involved in finding a dog - have you tried contacting breeders via email initially? I know I find it easier to communicate via email and oftentimes breeders will be willing to do a lot of the initial back-and-forth discussion online. Another option would be to get a rescue dog.

Yep. I certainly have tried, but most are not interested in talking by email. I'm not talking 2 or 3 either... the number is somewhere over 20 now. Some will refuse to even reply to email, despite listing one online (which is illogical). If I get a message back at all they will often ask me to call them instead and/or gloss over my questions, and/or don't seem to read or comprehend what I've written to them. I've noticed a lot of breeders are from a generation that doesn't seem to understand or like computers and that doesn't help communication. I get extremely frustrated when I spend a lot of time thinking of thoughtful questions and introducing myself (while agonizing over how to do so and be socially appropriate), only to be ignored on the most important issues.

I have severe telephobia and that doesn't help with my social skills on the phone... if I can phone them at all. Even if I let them phone me I'll be sweating buckets and my voice will shake. I'm self conscious about my voice and I tend to slur my words or blurt out spoonerisms. I have a hard enough time being social face-to-face never mind when I can't even see their body language. The ones I have been able to get through to were not breeders I wanted to get a dog from; they didn't have the qualities I was looking for, turned out to be rude, or tried to pull something on me eventually. After searching for years I've basically given up hope. I've gone through the breed club list and the pickings are getting slim.

Rescue dog is not an option. I have to mention this because It was the first route I tried, and I tried for an entire year exhausting every feasible option (private rescues, classifieds, petfinder, shelters within several hours of my city - I'm willing to travel). I had multiple experiences that were very bad. I tend to be give people the benefit of the doubt, and to date I have lost over $500 on trying to find a rescue dog. That money went into travel, fees, deposits, and vet bills. I'm also tired of people invading my house and privacy for home and reference checks (reference checks are hard because I have no friends). I'm tired of dealing with illogical and sometimes hostile people. I am NOT going that path again. I still visit my local shelter every week to see if I "get lucky" and find that special dog, but we don't actually get a lot of dogs around here.

This is getting a bit long so I'll leave it at that.