The big question

After being in therapy for the DID and PTSD issues, being able to do a wonderful amount of healing, but still experiencing meltdowns at work, I decided to go for the official testing for neuro-atypical spectrum testing.

I know it will not change my reality to have a YES or NO stamp.
I know I will always be who I am... someone who gets easily distracted and captivated by white lights... someone who clenches her fists at the first hint of anxiety... someone who rocks at the restaurant and can't stop it even though she knows the people at the next table are watching... someone who has DID and PTSD regardless of any other issues... someone who can't stand to walk barefoot unless it is on her toes because of the way texture on the feet sets me off... someone who blows up at work when asked to do something that they have not given me exact directions how to do or change the rules or mess around with my schedule....

I know it will not change the way my Therapist is always there for me.
I know it will not change the way my partner loves me.
I know it will not change the way my best friend puts up with me walking away from her mid conversation because it is time to eat, and when it is time to eat, I eat.

But maybe it will change the way I see myself.
Maybe it will allow me to finally understand why I am the way I am.
Maybe I can finally stop blaming myself for trusting bad people when I was a child... people I did not understand were lying to me for their own purpose.

Maybe I can even one day love who I am. Regardless of the DX.
Maybe I will be able to do that.

I would think it would get you some comfort to know for sure either way! At least it could explain some of your behaviors.

You are exactly correct. I now can make sense of my odd life rather than always hating it.
It was worth it to find out that is who I am.