[VagabondSoul]

Hello,
I've been looking into this for a few years now. I already belong to a couple of Aspie forums, but rarely post there. I'm sort of lost.
Way back when I was eleven, in the summer of 1974, I was hospitalized for headaches that were making my life a living hell. It turns out they were migraines, but my neurologist apparently had other things he wanted to check out, so I spent a week in the hospital. When it ended, they discovered that while I may have had a few abnormalities, there was nothing truly debilitating. He did take some time to tell my mother that he noticed a few things about me.
First was that I had very focused interests, "tunneled" was the term he used. He told her that I would never do well at things that didn't interest me. He wanted for me to attend a school that would cater to my way of learning, but alas, there was no way my family could afford it.
He sort of gave me a diagnosis for Aspergers a full seven years before the diagnosis existed in the US.
My time as a teen was really hard. I only had one really good friend, and to be honest I suspect that he, too, is on the spectrum. When he moved away after the sudden death of his mother, on my fifteenth birthday, I fell into a black hole. I started suffering depression, and even tried to slit my wrist.
Depression has been the one constant, but to be honest it really seems to arise out of frustration, as much as pain.
The rest of my teen years were a little better. By the time I was sixteen, I was fitting in better, though it was exhausting for me. As an adult, my first marriage (which I did far too young) was horrible, and ended after fifteen years. Again, I fell into depression, and was hospitalized for it in 2000.
And again in 2006 when I screwed up my second marriage.
In 2009, one of my coworkers urged me to take an AS online evaluation. On the Baron-Cohen scale, I scored 43.
He was an Aspie himself, and thought he recognized a kindred spirit.
In the summer of 2012, I hit the wall. I had a meltdown moments after arriving at work. That was it, I was done. I couldn't take anymore.
When they sent me to a psychiatric nurse, she blew off my suggestion with "what good would such an evaluation do you now?" I suspect that it was more a case of what my insurance would cover.
I don't know what to do at this point. I want answers. At the age of fifty one, I feel like that kid of twelve and thirteen again. I don't fit in. I stress over the details. I have things I obsess over and love, and my personal skills are faltering.
I just want to know, and yet am getting no answers.
I wish I knew what to do.

[leej07]

I too know how it feels to be "out of place", so to speak, and it wasn't till last year I really realized it fully. I scored 53 on the quiz, which was both a shock but at the same time, not a shock. I too would like to be evaluated. I do hope you can get the answers you seek soon.