[Fleury29]

I've discovered a huge source of my problems (though not all) seem to come from people thinking I'm flirting inappropriately or doing things with my eyes that I shouldn't do. I've tried various things to not do these things yet I always seem to get the label. It doesn't matter where I look, how I talk, people just assume I'm doing one or the other or both, when I'm trying to avoid the perception of any such thing. Could this be adding to my problem?

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[hvert]

Oh, that is so frustrating, to think you are sending off some sort of signal but not knowing exactly what it is! I've found it best to ask a friend about those things, preferably someone who tends towards the blunt side of life.

[Numbed]

Yeah, being actually interesting in what they are saying, actually listening to them, intently, making a joke to ease your anxiety, I've had to push away several females in the past, mistaking my interest as something other than being interested in something their talking about or just being nice. I joked a lot with my ADHD, and making them laugh, well, that apparently being "half way into their pants" I believe the saying is.

I have a tendency to look people in the eyes. Quite an intense stare I realise years later. That adds to it.

Staring, taking genuine interest in the information that's being shared.
Being stared at in animalistic way by them, then they squint with a bit of a silly grin, not sure why you are staring, you squint back, because that's seems like to be the correct thing to do here, right?

Well, that probably isn't. Comes accross as playing/joking with her. Which is generally part of attraction and flirting.

I also have always tried to avoid giving that perception, I wasn't aware of ASD til 26, learning about body language and that though early 20s.

Only think can think of, is if you are merely just responding/reacting to their behaviour, your unconscious self doesn't realise that your friendliness, comes off as interested, because you're merely copying..

Even asking a Woman more questions, seems to others like you're trying to chat her up, when you only want ******* information! Lol.

I've learned to eradicate this now though, even been to being a bit mean, as a warning to back off, lol.

One Girl, when I was in my teens, I actually said to her face when I saw things looked like about to escalate in her emotions, listen I like you, i'm sure you're great person, but I don't like you like that. She was, confused, maybe lil bit hurt, and speechless, lol.

Not sure how my ASD is correct dx if I notice stuff like that?

Also had two different female friends, who one I was forced into walking her home late at night, so was safe, and another walking her to area of town, because She was worried about ex, they both ended up standing there staring at me, one confused, the other sad, and i'm just looking at them, thinking, err no. Didn't bother to say anything those times. Didn't need to.

Things like this though, you gotta be clear just in friends zone, not sure how to do that other than saying it outright. Read up about body language though, think might help. It did for me.

Not sure how you act exactly, but I agree with you, it is something you have to be mindful of.

I was told once I stared at the baby sitter as She walked across the room, when I was a kid, with everyone in the room, I said no, wtf, didn't remember it, but after finding out ASD years later, maybe mighta been true, lol.

I had to tone down blunt initially when I was younger, provoked too many responses.
So be careful to not come across scary. I'm serious.

Ask whoever is telling you this, to elaborate of what behaviors exactly. Try to do it in a "come on, you think you know it all" kind of attitude. Don't want to come off panicky or confrontational.
At least this way, they might think twice about falsely accusing you, when you explain that you was just being nice. Then make a joke " I can't help if i'm irresistible" and laugh. You gotta put humour in these things, and not take a "label" to heart, kinda thing.

People misinterpreting us is an ASD thing, we also misunderstand NTs in generally.

[Fleury29]

That does help some, most people assume you know you're being the way you are and treat you accordingly, they never seem to understand that the person they're talking to may just not understand the finer details of socializing.

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Originally Posted by Fleury29

I've discovered a huge source of my problems (though not all) seem to come from people thinking I'm flirting inappropriately or doing things with my eyes that I shouldn't do. I've tried various things to not do these things yet I always seem to get the label. It doesn't matter where I look, how I talk, people just assume I'm doing one or the other or both, when I'm trying to avoid the perception of any such thing. Could this be adding to my problem?

Often, it is the other person who is misreading expressions, gestures and other aspects of an interaction. A person could be consciously or unconsciously hoping or paranoid that others are flirting with him/her, and so everything looks like a flirtation, even if it isn't.