[Wannabe counselor]

Hi! I have a 27 year old son with Asperger's Syndrome. He was diagnosed later than normal, but looking back, I can remember him having symptoms as early as 9 months old. His biggest drawback is his antisocial behavior. Does anyone have any suggestions on how he can get out and meet new people (particularly girls)?

[bluekoi]

Wannabe counselor, Is your son in therapy? I found a link to a book you may find helpful -

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger Syndrome | Psych Central

[Hellion]

What sort of anti-social behavior? Many people take it to mean simply not socializing as much or having difficulties with interaction but anti-social more referres to essentially acting with no regard to others and even being outwardly rude/unpleasant to people.

Also does he want to meet new people? does he want to meet girls? Does he live on his own or with you? First of all there is always the internet to potentially meet people but that can be hit and miss...I mean like there is free dating sites but no garantee anyone will find anyone they actually end up wanting to meet IRL....aside from that I don't know if there are any sort of hobby/social group type things(might be more common for younger people ) but if there was something with people that had to do with an intrest he had then it would be a way to meet other people interested in that.

[rosska]

It may be worth speaking to your son to see if he wants to meet people, particularly girls. A lot of us on the spectrum prefer to be on our own, forcing us into social scenarios because it's what society generally deems to be 'normal' isn't usually the best thing for us and may actually cause more harm than good.

Therapy is probably the best bet either way. I understand what it's like to be diagnosed late, I was 27 when I received my diagnosis. Speaking to a therapist can be beneficial sometimes to help understand yourself better, to come to terms with some of your own 'issues' that you never even knew you had. There have been many things about myself I've learned since my diagnosis that I never realised before. Many of those things have helped me understand why I find interacting with others to be so exhausting and difficult, I never really knew before how differently other people around me felt or interacted compared to myself.

Personally, I don't enjoy socialising. Never have and likely never will. That's not to say I want to spend all of my time on my own, but just quite a lot of it preferably. I've also been single now for more than four years, by choice. It's easier to deal with just my own wants and needs than to try and fit somebody else's into my already delicately balanced routines. I wouldn't rule out dating all together yet, but at the same time I've turned down several offers and have no real want to actively pursue anything myself right now.

After my diagnosis I was given access to a support centre for people on the spectrum. The staff there have been great, but I've not been able to really form any friendships with any of the other service users. I don't really enjoy talking about things I don't have a strong interest in, and many of them are the same way, so if you don't share a common interest there isn't really much left to talk about because 'small talk' is just annoying.

I hope this post doesn't come across as offensive, it's not intended that way.

Hi Danielle . I was diagnosed just before my 25th birthday and have had trouble with forming friendships and especially romantic relationships my entire life, I mean I've never had a girlfriend before. I don't think it's something you can heal by jumping in the deep end (just jumping directly into social situations) as that can have major negative repercussions on the person's mental state, because rejection is usually the norm. Sometimes other mental issues such as depression and social anxiety accompany an adult who wasn't diagnosed before, because the rejection by others was never understood. For me that was a large source of frustration and heartache. I mean we don't dislike people at all, in fact I long for interaction with people, and more than anything a loving relationship with a girl. But, my outward "message" or "expression" is one of repulsion or indifference towards others. So, it's like many have said here, I think therapy is the only way forward.

But, it's a dichotomy. Years of therapy to make someone with this condition into a "normal" person, might not make that person happy after all. It's the same problem I have, I cannot for the life of me decide whether I should get therapy or not. I have become so accustomed to my life and my peculiarities. Changing into a "typical" person seems almost unnecessary to me, as a matter of fact, I even like some aspects of myself, and I know no-one else has them or will ever understand it. But, then again, there is so much I seem to be missing out on, that I long for it (e.g. relationships), because normal people seem so happy when they are enjoying all the good things life can offer, that people like me simply don't know how to get and enjoy too. Only your son will be able to make the decision, and then still, he himself might not even know what he wants.

[o.kay]

Thank you. That was very well put. I have a 26 year old son with Asperger's and your description puts it into words well. My son is a wonderful caring and loving person. He has found a remarkable woman who loves him as he is. He's had many struggles along the way.