[neutrino]

I think I'm hypersensitive to touch (I also have other sensory issues). I don't know exactly what I feel when touched but I don't like being touched unless I'm the one who initiates it (which doesn't happen that often). Otherwise it sort of feels like people invade my personal space, the touch feels suffocating (don't know how else to describe it) and I feel like I need to get away from the situation. This is a big problem in my relationship to my boyfriend since he's a person who needs hugs and kisses etc. Our needs clash and even though we both try to compromise it's really difficult to manage this. I actually talked to him about it yesterday (he started the conversation) and he even cried a little because he feels like physical touch is missing from our relationship (it's not entirely absent but he doesn't get as many hugs as he'd like) and he's scared he won't be able to deal with that in the long run.

I really don't know what to do. I care about him and I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I don't know how to change. I don't know how to not feel like my personal space is invaded when he (and other people) touch me when I don't want to be touched and I don't know how to get rid of the feeling of suffocation and discomfort. I don't know how to do that.

Need some advice. Any of you got any suggestions on how to solve this problem?

[CANDC]

My initial feeling is that this anxiety could be caused by being out of control What about you being in control on setting the limits. For instance.

Have your partner sit on one end of the couch and you on the other. then at your command your partner and you will only move a specified amount and not do anything you don't authorize. This is an exercise to try, not a pattern for your relationship.

When you reach a point where your anxiety starts to come up, see if you can identify what it is or just get in touch with your breathing. When you get within arm reach, you could say okay let's hold hands.

This is not a very spontaneous way to relate but as an exercise it can help diminish or get you to feel comfortable with a certain amount of anxiety.

A therapist could help. There might be medicines to diminish anxiety.

Here are some articles that might be of interest.
Psych Central - Search results for Hypersensitivity to touch

[Lexi232]

is there anything from your childhood that could be related to this difficulty? (if so, working through it in therapy may be a great help).

have you tried desensitizing techniques? sensory issues is usually a big issue with those on the spectrum.

This is exactly why I choose not to be in relationships. I hate light touch! Like being petted or scratched. Ugh.
It literally makes me angry. And nauseous.
Now, hugs are different because I like the feeling of pressure. As long as they don't last longer than 5 seconds. I don't ever want to be trapped.

I think for me the problem is soft, gentle touch (and that's what partners want to do). I love giving people hi-fives because I get to feel the slap on my hand.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by BlindedByTheDark

This is exactly why I choose not to be in relationships. I hate light touch! Like being petted or scratched. Ugh.
It literally makes me angry. And nauseous.
Now, hugs are different because I like the feeling of pressure. As long as they don't last longer than 5 seconds. I don't ever want to be trapped.

Wow, I'm very similar. I thought I was the only one who was like that.

I cannot stand having my bare skin touched. It is an overwhelming and unpleasant sensation that I feel throughout my body. This makes having intimate relationships impossible. Hugs are fine as long as none of my skin is touched and the other person doesn't smell. I also love the pressure on my body. It is very soothing.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Lexi232

is there anything from your childhood that could be related to this difficulty? (if so, working through it in therapy may be a great help).

Sometimes touch problems are solely due to sensory issues rather than abuse. I've never been abused and don't like my skin being touched at all.

[HolographicTardis]

I have the same problem. I describe it as the feeling you get when you try to touch your eye and not blink but imagine someone else trying to touch your bare eye and not blinking. Like I'm physically able to but it's EXTREMELY uncomfortable and I can't help "blinking"(flinching). Yours may be different but this is how I describe mine.

[Angelique67]

I have this problem too. I was never diagnosed but scored very high on the Aspergers quiz.

[avlady]

I do like huggs but get scared i will cry sometimes

[Lexi232]

sometimes desensitizing helps with some things (for me), like having to stick my hand into a bag of flour to make pizza with a group home staff.. i was cringing, then ended up liking the smooth and cool feeling from it, and flour went everywhere after that lol.. but no matter how many times i touch raw meat, or even with gloves on, i cant.. i mean i CAN, but its really unpleasant. and i stir away from it everytime it comes my way.
eating certain things is the same way.. kiwis (the first thing i remembered being in extreme distress over when it came to food and not liking the way it felt in my hands and certainly not the way it felt in my mouth. both of my parents where slapping and yelling at me as i was screaming and throwing it to the ground and slapping their wrists/hands/arms/spoons anytime they tried to force me to eat it (which was right after i would successfully reject the last piece. judging by the living space i was in, and being up in a high chair, i was spmewhere between 1 and 2 yrs old.
i cant handle sticky stuff.
the only way i know to deal with/tolerate it, is through desensitizing; and if that doesnt work, then avoidance... i feel like "avoidance" isnt an acceptable resolution deemed by those "looking in from the outside", but... the only other solution i have found is to avoid it

[kim_johnson]

How do you go with firm bear hugs? I find firm bear hugs pleasant enough, but can't stand the light tickly sort of touching that most people do. If you do like firm touch then it might just be a matter of teaching him how you like to be touched. Maybe you can teach him how to give you a massage.