Help seeking a diagnosis for an adult?

Sorry, this got long... Not looking for an answer, just advice about talking to doctors I guess.

I'm not really sure how to go about talking to my doctor about my concerns. I'm not going to attempt to self-diagnose but I've also been brushed aside by counselors and doctors in the past as just being depressed and having anxiety, and I'm starting to understand that there's something else affecting me. Like, I don't want to say "I think I have Asperger's". My symptoms don't completely match up. It could be ADHD, it could be a personality disorder, it could be anything, but I'm tired of just being handed a box of tissues for an hour and expected to get better.

I don't know how to bring up being assessed to my doctor. I live in Ontario, Canada. I have no idea how any of this really works and I've never really talked too much about it before... I guess I was just raised to believe this stuff can't happen to me, just to sweep mental health problems under the rug and repress. Like any time I bring it up to my dad he just blows it off saying "yeah, I used to get sad when I was in high school too" and instead of providing any kind of insight as to what I was like as a kid, he just makes it impossible to talk about it. I know I threw a lot of very unreasonable fits over silly things, but my parents would just yell back and send me to my room, shake their heads and wonder what my problem was. I still do this every once in a while but my situation is really stable now so I've been okay for about a year. There are a few people with Autism and Asperger's in my family and I don't think I'm exactly like them, but they're also guys and I've been reading a lot of women are underdiagnosed and misdiagnosed because we learn to mask inappropriate behavior better or differently or something ... thing is, that works as a kid but its hell as an adult when you're expected to have a more refined social sense and I just don't. I can't keep steady work, I react really poorly to unnecessary policy changes or even physical changes and if I misunderstand instructions or orders I become really defensive. I've always felt sort of like a robot among people like no matter where I go or what sort of groups I try to get involved in there's always something off about me. I can't maintain friendships and have a hard time making new friendships, I don't get how to break ice or carry on a conversation past a certain point... I've learned how to talk about basic things obviously, and my mom drilled manners into me so people usually think I'm really polite but if a situation doesn't match my expectations or a conversation goes on too long I get awkward and start to crumble. Like I always figured I was just weird, you know? And I hated myself for a long time in high school because no matter how hard I tried I just never really "fit". I still don't and pretty much just keep to myself. And now that's having a really negative impact on my life because I can't keep or even find work and now my social assistance is going to be cut off if I don't talk to my doctor about all of this, and I haven't yet because I just really suck at talking about it.

And I'm guessing all of that is probably what I should say to my doctor but whenever I'm faced with another person face-to-face I freeze up and play my concerns off like they're no big deal and I'm probably just depressed and anxious and I get no where.

Sorry this got so long. Maybe just hoping someone else out there has been in a similar situation or has insight? Maybe I'm not alone or maybe I'm just making something out of nothing. The worst thing is I keep hearing my dad's voice in the back of my head convincing me I'm fine, but I'm 24 years old and every time I try to fix any of this myself I just end up right back here wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

Hi,

Is there a local 'Autism Speaks' group, or something like that? Some kind of volunteer organisation? You can probably find out via Google. Then... Send them an email and say that you suspect that you might have this, that you don't think you are getting appropriate help for issues that are related to this, would they have the name of a clinician who is knowledgeable about this kind of stuff?

I guess I would try that.

I think you should talk to your doctor. He can hopefully find you a psychiatrist to do an assessment for free. Also you could contact Autism Ontario:
Autism Ontario | Home

I personally consider Autism Speaks a despicable organization.

I have heard of some problems with Autism Speaks and for what they stand for etc and I did not mean to be promoting them.

I just meant some organisation... But not one that is 'about us without us' for sure... Ideally... Some consumer rights type of neurodiversity organisation... Who can help put you in touch with a clinician who is open to / knowledgeable about this line of inquiry.

A number of people have told me that I have been extremely lucky to have stumbled upon such a clinician by blind luck... That there are a number of individuals out there who battle to get this diagnosis (and the accommodations and support that they need for related issues)... So...

I was having trouble finding a General Practitioner, though (a big deal over here) and the local Autism support group put me in touch with a WONDERFUL one. So...

Autism Speaks don't want people with autism to speak. At least not about their own ideas and experiences. They want to force normalcy at everyone and find a way to screen for autism so autistic fetuses could be aborted just like those with Down's.

But anyhow..... I noticed it is very unpopular to have an idea about what you "have" with doctors. I went another route. I just hinted at Asperger's until she finally thought she got the idea all by herself. It took a year but it was worth it.

After that I was tested formally for three days and it came out I indeed do have AS. Quite surprisingly I also have ADD. I think I missed that one in myself because I have friends with quite severe ADD and ADHD and I knew I wasn't like them. While I didn't know anyone yet IRL with Asperger's.

For me it HAS been beneficial to get a diagnosis as an adult. On more than one level.

Hi,

Yes... I... It is deeply shocking to me that pregnant women are strongly encouraged to test for and abort foetuses with Down's Syndrome. I mean, I do think that abortion is acceptable sometimes... But I'm opposed to it being done on grounds of gender... And I'm opposed to it being done on grounds of disability, too. Particularly... When some people with Down's Syndrome go on to do amazing things with their lives... If only we had more exposure to positive role models... I'll never forget that TV show with that guy... Corky? Corey? That was my first exposure to Down's...

And of course... Autism...

Having a diagnosis has helped me a lot, too. I'm able to continue my study... Hopefully... Go on to study medicine, if all goes well. I actually wouldn't be able to do this without my diagnosis... I get disability accommodations that means I can afford to live in a (tiny!) self contained studio apartment (which I really do need for my sanity) and I was allowed to study part time last year (which I really needed in order to have the proper chance to succeed this year) etc...

The diagnosis (and accommodations I now get because of that diagnosis) have helped me immensely. If I do get to go on to do medicine... I would really hope to be able to give something back to society... The society that really did support me / give me a hand in helping me be okay... So I could do this... Yeah... Dx can help.

Thanks for the replies. I found a psychologist office in my city that can do assessments without referrals so I'll call them on Monday I guess... I was wondering though, how long of a process it can be? I know I'm not going to just go in for a few sessions and go on my merry way. And I don't think I'll be able to have it covered, but I'll see what options there are through Ontario Works I guess... I don't really know how any of this works.

I'll probably have to talk to my family doctor about all of it anyway because Ontario Works is going to need some kind of proof that I'm struggling to get back to work and keep working. Just got reemed out by my caseworker this week for missing a few appointments with employment agencies and had no idea how to explain to her why. Like, I want to work, I like being useful, but I don't want to go into a new workplace, you know? I just screw up, get annoyed, start having panic attacks, then quit without notice. It's a cycle and it happens every time. If I actually had a name for whatever it is I'm dealing with, I could maybe find proper treatment or coping mechanisms and actually get somewhere with my life rather than constantly spinning in circles.

Oh, and Kim, you replied while I was replying lol. All of that sounds really encouraging actually. I used to think, probably because someone else said this once, that getting a diagnosis would just "give me an excuse" for all my bad behavior or whatever ... really bad way of looking at it. I've been trying to understand myself and talk to someone about this stuff since I was 17, but everyone seems to keep dismissing me ... but I'm not getting any better on my own so ... I really want to go back to school, but I dropped out of college three times, barely got through high school, and I just keep telling myself there's no point in trying again, I'll just waste a ton of money and drop out again. Maybe some kind of assistance would help.

You may need a doctor's referral to see the psychologist under insurance if you happen to have some. Even without insurance, if you have a doctors insurance you might not need to pay tax. I paid $1500 for my assessment, it was roughly 10 hours. In the end I had to go to a Psychiatrist anyway...

If the only reason you are going to that psychologists office is that they will see you without a referral... I wouldn't be terribly optimistic about that, honestly.

Psychologists... Might be more inclined to be of the 'behavior therapy with 5 year olds' mindset. High five for food reward! Aka: aaaaah that makes ME (the psychologist) feel better about life.

I would be wary of seeking dx in order to obtain accommodations... There is a fine fine fine fine tricky line... And things could go really rather horribly wrong...

This sounds like anxiety. Which is a different issue from Autistic Spectrum. I mean... Some people with Autistic Spectrum don't have that, and some people have that and they don't have Autistic Spectrum. I don't see how a dx of Autistic Spectrum is more likely to help you with that than a diagnosis of some form of anxiety.

Which of course doesn't EXPLAIN your problem so much as REDESCRIBE it.

I agree that just being handed a box of tissues... Isn't enough. You need more help than that. I don't mean to dismiss your very real distress by saying that it sounds more like anxiety than Autism (and it could be Autism - I'm not a doctor and even if I was I haven't examined you).

well anyway you are trying to get help!!!I hope everything works out in the end!!!

OHIP doesn't cover psychologists. An assessment with one usually costs $900 to $1500. I was never assessed by one so I don't know much about the process. All I know is they see you about 8 times and do intelligence testing.

You could try a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed by one. My assessment was done over 4.5 hours and involved an interview with my mother. The doctor also had us fill out lots of questionnaires about my developmental history.


I can relate to your school experience. I've tried 3 different programs and always backed out because I couldn't cope with the stress and people. Now, I know why. Before, I always thought, I was lazy and not made for this world.

ASD is not an 'excuse'. For most it is healing.

Hey, sorry for my absence... thanks again for all the advice and help. I know anxiety has always been an issue, no one has ever been wrong in suggesting that, but it's always felt like something else wasn't being considered. Obviously I could be wrong, but it's getting to the point where I want a professional opinion and not just my dad, friends, or worse, myself, to make assumptions. I guess I just wanted to know what it could involve if I were to seek an assessment. So thanks again.