How soon is now?

One of my biggest sources of depression is the fact that I haven't ever had a girlfriend (I'm 19). I really need someone in my life; to provide support for me, to give me something to look forward to. I've tried being more proactive about getting to know girls, but I've had 0 success so far. I feel that it's just a numbers game, some people have told me it will "happen when it does", and others have said I need to adjust myself to experience success. The fear of being single for the rest of my life is an ever-present fear which I can't get out of my mind. I've heard that I need to find happiness alone before finding happiness together with somebody, but I know I can't make that happen. I want to know how to ease my mind about this matter, and possibly make it happen.

Hi muffinhead. Sorry you cannot find a girlfriend. It is not easy at 19. What many people find is they have more success with people that share a lot of common ground. People that share my diagnosis seem to understand better what I go through. That helps. But that is not always a perfect match. It is a multilayered complex thing to have a relationship.

Many other things have helped the flow of my life and also helped me meet people: work, yoga, volunteering, exercise, and other self help things. These are important too. Sometimes by focusing on these other things, our anxiety lessens and we can feel more gratitude for what we do have. And then relationships can happen naturally.

Relationships aren't something you can make happen especially bf/gf. There has to be a chemistry for it to work & that's not something that can be made to happen.

If you are around people who have the same interests as you do that's a place to start. I have found that its best to learn to be happy alone. Then if someone comes along that fits with personality & chemistry in both directions...great, but making ones happiness dependent on having someone in your life is only going to bring a life of unhappiness.

Forget everything you get told, you read, etc. etc. Don't go down the same road I did. You just end up hating yourself, because you learn you don't have the qualities these "normal" (i.e. narcissistic) people want from you. It takes a long time to recover from that, trust me, and you never fully do, it lingers in your mind forever.

Don't eat from the tree of knowledge of good and bad, what's good qualities and what's bad qualities. You will lose your sense of self if you do!

You have to be yourself, because only that way you can find love, because someone will then love you for who you are, which is the key thing.

If you feel you have to change for someone, it'd be best to end the relationship right there.

Find someone who can love you for you, don't try to make yourself lovable for most people, or for a general "type" of girl. Any stereotyping will actually diminish your chances of finding proper love. Love is mostly illogical and irrational, so also don't ever think that nobody can love you. Love cannot see human characteristics, it sees the person herself/himself for who they really are.

If you change, and become a "stud", you'll only attract sexual relationships, and those don't last, and usually end up ending by one of the parties cheating on the other.

Don't confuse sex and love thus. It sounds like you do know the difference, and that is commendable! But, be careful, it can still catch you if you're not vigilant.

And, remember, anyone who cannot love you because of your outward or social characteristics, is not worth bothering with. Love is unconditional, not conditional. It's critical to remember that.

It all depends on what you want at the end of the day. And at this point it's crucial to recognize your own cultural conditioning. No potential influences on your final decision may go unchecked if you're going to be totally honest with yourself about what you want.

If you want a girl mostly for the benefit of having the sexual relationship aspect, you will have to then present yourself most sexually attractive as you can, there's no getting away from it unfortunately. I know at 19, I remember feeling that that was the whole reason for having a girlfriend in the first place, and there is more than enough "evidence" to support that, because everybody else is having sex and being couples and stuff. But, don't get fooled. What you don't see is the long-term side of things, these relationships don't last. And, it's hard work. You really want to sit in a gym for 6 hours a day just to be physically attractive?

That's why I say love, true love is better. When you love someone too, you'll never want to break up either, no matter how "flawed" either party appears to others.

I know when I was in love with this one girl, I saw her as perfect, as is. Yes, she had flaws, and it was those very flaws that did not allow her to see herself the way I did, and she ran away from me. I tried convincing her I loved her, but I think she just couldn't believe it, and she was one of those people who were desperate to fit in, to be "normal".

All you need to do is just believe that someone will find you and love you, and you will be totally perfect in their eyes. I promise you that. And, you will find her too. Also, you will know when you love someone too, because they will be equally perfect to you, and you think about them all the time, and all the small things they do just seems really amazing.

These things just take a little time, because of how scrambled we are as people, different places all over the earth.

It just happens. It can start with a smile, meeting someone in the shop, it doesn't matter. The only thing to do then is just not to be afraid at that moment. Someone can't slap you or hurt you for simply asking their name and being friendly. Like everything in life, you just have to remember it must start very simply and right at the beginning.

Like the best racing drivers, rocket scientists, NASA, Bill Gates, Donald Trump - yes they are all great, hugely successful, and their whole endeavor turned into a huge thing, a passion, a huge love, but their ventures all started from very simple and humble beginnings. They started at the beginning.

A great love in your life starts the same way, at the beginning.

Just don't do what I do, I never take it any further than a smile, a hug, a first meeting, that's why I'm alone. I get too scared and think the person will not love me.

All the best!

Don't worry. A lot of guys on the spectrum cannot get a girlfriend. The only girlfriend I had was never even like a true partner. She just used me and tried many times to discard me, yet you gents may appreciate how it takes a backbone to ditch a broad when you have feelings for that person.

I see escorts from time to time, but I would not recommend them. Sure, some girls are okay. They treat you not too badly and you get laid sometimes if you are fortunate, but at the end of the day, you know zero about their sexual history and they may be working in the sex trade illegally or to fund a drug habit.

Some of the women I saw before did not appear happy about what they were doing and wanted the session over way fast. Then you leave kind of wishing you had kept your ninety quid, or worse. In saunas, you usually pay a bit more for to get inside one. But it is largely the same. They can give a poor 'service' and make you feel like a bit of a dork.

Peter makes a good point, which links up well to my point. If you base it on the sex side of things, you are likely to get disappointed somewhere along the way.

A relationship needs more than that.

Yes. Screw Viagra.

I find if I am attracted to a woman physically, it raises my "weapon" better and it is more fulfilling if two people mutually care about each other. Using medication to get an erection works if you are already aroused, but it has side effects, including feeling hot and it can give you a headache. If you have breathing issues, I'd avoid marketed drugs such as Sildenafil.

Honest to God, just be grateful you are single and not in love with some bimbo like my ex is. She used me for years. We were not in touch for years as well, so I was distraught over not knowing where she had crawled to. Well, I finally found her after going through so much hassle and in next to no time, she used me for an iPod.

Yeah. The silly tart broke it and lied. She is absolutely clueless. I'm guessing she forced the USB cable in harshly and the dock was messed up, with wires sticking out and everything. Argos was where I purchased it, but the staff there would not take anything to do with it being damaged. All they cared about was getting their money, since I got her it on credit due to her attitude. Sure, if it meant not having money to eat, it did not apply to her.

Oh, she really was a cow. One night in September, I encountered her in the street and she asked me right away if I had any money, but once she knew I wasn't giving her any cash, she wanted me to go away. Then she blocked me on Facebook yet again recently. But it's like the workers I was betrayed by. You latch onto the good memories, because in some sad way, you feel as if it was all you had in life, then it boils down to you having nothing left and you have to "reinvent" yourself in order to have some kind of a decent future.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties in your past relationship, Peter. I sometimes fear that if some girl wants to use me, then I'd be too desperate to get rid of her. And to answer Stbguy, it's not all about the sex. If I wanted to get laid, I'd just try the hookup route which is so prevalent in college, and which I really am not attracted to. Of course sex is part of what I want (what 19 year old guy doesn't want that?), but I desire an emotional connection and to have someone who will be there for me.

All a girl has to do in this day and age is to cry "abuse" and you get done for a rape attempt. Have you ever noticed that no matter what, the PF will always believe there is a sexual element to the charge even if there wasn't any such intention?

I bought Christmas presents for my now former key worker in 2013 because I was just being nice when she was still supporting me and in her mind, she probably believes I was flirting with her. Sara is Spanish and she is beautiful. Unfortunately, she rubbed it in that we only met because I have autism.

I still remember the very first shift we ever had where I called her a señorita and she smiled and said I was something to the male equivalent. Then within a matter of months, it was over between us forever because she was made aware of me fancying her and it made her feel uncomfortable, when I only wanted to be affectionate towards my mentor. Less than half a year later after the happy beginning, our business relationship was over and then I ended up jailed four times for pursuing a second chance with her and a female co-worker of hers who also felt awkward being around me and reported me to the pigs after I got progressively frustrated. Nobody will ever forget an experience like mine. At least I made a new friend as I met a nice man in prison who still keeps in touch. But I do miss my support workers and the accommodation.

Where does that leave me now? Getting another flat is going to be hard. My probation officer will be up my arse for another year and I'll be damned if any acting jobs are offered to me any time soon.

Time just makes it better.

Yep, that happened with me. The woman was a psychopath, but I had no-one else.

My sister was abused by her ex, yet he fathered two boys with her and put her through quite the ordeal. He was never really nasty to me, but he tried to frame me once.

Some people!