Relationships

There is someone special in my life. He has aspbergers. I try to understand and support him. He does the same with my bipolar. We "get" each other and it's the most honest relationship I have ever been in. We're not officially dating but we spend time with each other frequently and I told him I like him. I told him how nervous I was to tell him. He said the same. He often is the one to ask to get together.

I guess I just want advice on how to proceed in this relationship taking his aspbergers into account. I just want to understand.

depending on how the aspergers affects him. most things are taken really literal. but if that isnt a quality that he has, then it doesnt apply for him. or anything i mention next.

if hes language oriented(chatty) then maybe just come out and ask him what can you do to help. or what does he want you to know about himself. or how does aspergers effect him.

might try to let go of the hidden meanings. ex. if you want to kiss him. then instead of waiting and dropping subtle hints or waiting for him to pick up on it, come right out and ask if he wants to kiss.

maybe show him your post here and see what he says.
thats how one of my roomates was who also had aspergers. but autism isnt the exactly same for everyone.

Thanks. I was the one to tell him how I felt about him because I knew he probably wouldn't pick up hints. He is very language oriented. We have great convos!

He's has started to become an advocate of sorts for others with autism. He is starting an advocacy group in his county actually.

Depends on him and you. Asperger's is just a label.

That said, generalizing, he probably won't notice the hints you may give off as part of the courtship, subconscious or conscious, that most will miss anyway.

I would try to make it romantic, if that's what you want. You say you aren't 'officially dating'. Well, there is no 'official', but if you want a relationship to move forward as a romantic relationship, you should both know that it is romantic and that you both have to try to make it that way. As opposed to a friendship where two people discuss their psychological problems.

That was my mistake once. I fell horribly in love with a girl, was completely confused, and I ended up talking to her about my suspicions I had Asperger's rather than sweep her off her feed and make her romantic fantasies come true.

Oh I know it's just a label. I just wanted any tips to make this relationship work. Both of us have only been in one relationship so it's not easy for either of us.

I just don't want to ever hurt him bc of my ignorance. I really care about him.

Look. It doesn't matter. People are going to get hurt in relationships. If there is no risk, there is no reward.

He is going to make mistakes in being the best BF for you possible. And if you ignore his mistakes because you don't want him to get hurt, he won't know he made mistakes. Which means he is going to repeat them with his next GF.

So as this is your first real relationship, it is likely it will fail eventually and you will both be moving on. You both have to offer each other some experiences and you can help each other to grow as a person.

Thanks for being so
Optimistic

I am. No reason to worry and enjoy the experience.

I can relate to this advice... This would very effective with me.
Being direct and to the point is helpful... Otherwise I would get confused or not even pick up on things. And end up hurting someone by accident.

I think Lexi's advice is good