[PillowcaseUnicorn]

I do not suffer from an Autism spectrum disorder, and I don't happen to know anyone personally who does. I want to better understand Autism spectrum disorders-- in general, I want to better understand mental illnesses that I don't have/am not familiar with. With that being said, if anything I say or any questions I ask about Autism come across as offensive, I am very sorry and truly do not mean any harm. I'm uneducated on the matter, so if I don't understand something about it, please help me to understand. There are people out there who are very inconsiderate and rude to people who are Autistic (or have mental illnesses in general), and I do not want to be that kind of person. I know how much it sucks to be misunderstood.

Also, as a warning, this post is going to be long.

Lately, I've been seeing some posts on different social media websites about Autism and ableism.
The definition of ableism, from what I understand, is when a person who is not disabled discriminates those who are, as if the disabled are inferior to the non-disabled. A person who is an ableist may consider the disabled "diseased" (as a negative connotation), and that the disabled are a different type of people which the non-disabled should distance themselves from. In other words, "Stay away from that person, they are acting weird/have mental issues".
In these social media posts, the posters are angered by articles and such about people who "live with Autism" and "suffer from the disorder", and consider such articles to be written by ableist people. This is where I'm a bit confused, because I've always perceived these kinds of articles to be supportive of people with Autism; every illness deserves awareness, and people with mental illnesses are particularly ostracized because society is critical and judgmental of people who have them. For example, how particularly judgmental people think kids with ADHD are "annoying", or kids with learning disabilities are "stupid". Up until this point, I've thought that articles about people who help people with autism are written with the intention to end these offensive beliefs and misunderstandings. So when I read that these articles are considered offensive as well, I was really thrown off and decided that I need a better understanding here.

Now, I can go ahead and read about the symptoms of Asperger's and how "people with different places on the Autism spectrum differ in their everyday functionality" and blah blah blah, as written by psychiatrists and therapists and professionals. I refuse to do this, because YOU have a voice, and I'd much rather learn from you than from someone who will only speak for you and give me the "basics and facts". Disorders are far more than basics and facts, and no two people are exactly alike, so I shouldn't have to assume what you experience without actually knowing the reality of it.

Regarding the posts and the articles and whatnot, I suppose I can try and compare the situation to my self-harm history and experience to see if maybe I do understand more- or less- than I think. If you think it will be triggering, skip the following paragraphs between the asterisks (though I will not write about anything graphic or overly detailed).

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1.) I have old, but very noticeable, self-harm scars. I don't self-harm like I used to, but still struggle with it from time to time. I am not ashamed of my scars, and I do not believe they should lessen my self-worth. However, I'm often inclined to hide them when I go out in public; not because I am afraid of being insulted or bullied, but more so because people sometimes point them out since they feel bad for me, and tell me "it gets better" and to "stay strong", etc. I appreciate their kindness, but I don't want pity. I don't want to seem like I'm showing off my scars to get people's attention, and I don't want to discuss my self-harm because I hate opening up about my personal issues so suddenly. There's a lot more to me than my scars.
2.) On some occasions while going out (and many occasions with my immediate family), people have told me how to get rid of my scars and how I can use this scar cream and that oil and lazer scar removal and how it'll look like I never had scars in the first place. Here's the thing: I never asked these people how I could get rid of my scars. I don't want to get rid of them, nor do I need to. I suppose people mean well when they tell me these remedies, but they don't seem to realize that they are basically implying that I would look better without my scars; that they are an unacceptable flaw. (Another example might be the quote "Wrists are for bracelets, not for cutting", because it sounds a lot more like "You're not supposed to cut yourself, normal people don't do that" and also insinuates that all people who self-harm cut their wrists and that's it.)

Comparing Autism to my situation in #1, you are not your Autism. You are a human being with traits, qualities, talents, hobbies, opinions and passions, and that makes up a greater percentage of who you are than your disorder does. You want every aspect of you to be seen, not just your disorder.
Correct?

Comparing Autism to #2, your Autism does not make you flawed and therefore doesn't need to be corrected or cured, because there's nothing wrong or unacceptable about it. You can change habits that might put yourself and/or others in danger (if you even have any), or improve upon something that will make for a better personal quality of life, but you don't need to change the parts of you that are completely harmless and shouldn't be viewed as a threat. Also, no two people who have Autism are the exact same and should not be viewed as such.
Correct?
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Sorry for such a long post, but if you read it all the way through, thank you so much for hearing me out. Like I said, I mean well and I want to make whatever changes I must, in order to be more supportive.

[phaset]

I don't know how to answer "what's it like". I always feel misunderstood. I could ask you "what's it like to not be autistic (or have autism)", but I won't expect you to have an answer to that either. Please don't think I am trying to dismiss your question, this is something I spent a lot of time thinking about. I know there are some wonderful videos on youtube on this subject. Don't ignore the professional view though, we are only on the autism spectrum because we posses the traits that define it.

As for the terminology, *I* think referring to a single person as "a person with autism" is needlessly verbose. Some people prefer "autistic" as it is part of their identity, some people don't, some people think that autistic is an insult, some people think that person with autism implies that it isn't really part of them like "a person with cancer".

[Talthybius]

To me, it's like there is an inner world, and an outer world. In the inner world you are completely in control and safe. I have fictional conversations with people in my mind. I am who I want to am and I talk to others there. Basically, it's me having a monologue and them listening. And without the awkwardness of them not understanding me, me making jumps in reasoning, etc etc.

The real world. It's like people are covered in a coating. I can throw my emotions out there, but I know they can never pierce the coating. But other people seem fine. So the true reality is, I am coated, not they.
Other people are making connections, without effort. They can be at peace among friends, have no inihibitions or social filter, and act as people that are admired.

It always feels like something is wrong with everyone else, or with the world. But when you observe the indirect evidence, you have to conclude it is you. And that idea you cannot make sense of in your own mind.
The realisation of it, it will make you want to revert, invest more in the inner world.

In a sense, stuff that goes automat for others; it never happens for you even when you deliberately try it.

All this talk about not having empathy, not understanding or feeling the theory of mind, it doesn't feel like that.

[-jimi-]

I don't know what to answer, but I don't feel flawed or ill.

[-jimi-]

As for having or being, does it matter? I AM an aspie but sometimes I say that I have Asperger's because it fits better grammatically.

I am on the short side as well. I say I am short. I don't say I have shortness. And being short is much less me than being an aspie.

[-jimi-]

Actually it tees me off when people tell me I'm not my "disorder", that AS is something on the side that is icky and not part of me. That I should embrace the HEALTHY parts.

UGH.

I love the aspieness about myself. Sometimes it does get in the way like it can cut both ways. Being sensitive can give me cheap kicks and feeds my creativity. But it also feeds my worry and anxiety. If I didn't have that aspieness, OK fine I probably would not have anxiety, but I would not have my art and writing either. I have a pretty high IQ because my AS, do I really want to make it drop because it is part of a "disorder"? Having aspergers is sort of not being centered like most people are, with no real talents but no real suffering, but having extremes to both sides.

I accept that. It is part of neurology. No pain no gain.

[Talthybius]

But Asperger's or autism isn't a neurological disorder. They don't analyze your brain, then decide if you have it or not.

They talk with you. Then they decide if you have it or not.

It is some made up criteria, then subjectively applied.

It makes no sense for you to say that you have a high IQ because of AS. There is no basis at all for your claim. You are what you are, IQ and all. In fact, the opposite may be true. You were diagnosed as AS and not as autism because you have high IQ. If you didn't have high IQ, you wouldn't be AS-diagnosed.

It is also not for you to decide what people like or dislike about themselves. I like really extrovert spontaneous social woman, but I am polar opposite of that. Truth is, out of those woman, very few also are attracted to polar opposites. So for that reason, I feel deeply disturbed by some parts of me (call them AS or not, I don't even know). Who are you to tell me I should embrace them?

[-jimi-]

you are not your Autism. You are a human being with traits, qualities, talents, hobbies, opinions and passions, and that makes up a greater percentage of who you are than your disorder does.

I reacted to this. Is it understandable at all?

[Talthybius]

Yes, but I don't agree.

[-jimi-]

I said what I feel about MYSELF. And somehow you think I dictate what people should feel? No I do not! Am I allowed to share what "I" feel? People are allowed to see their good traits as "them" and their bad traits as diseased aspergers. I choose to see it as a whole, that is MY CHOICE how I see MYSELF. People are allowed to make other choices. Geez......

[PrairieCat]

My personal feeling is that Asperger's Syndrome is NOT a mental illness. I am simply different brained. The psychiatrists who have invented their own jobs and their own field of nutsiness love to label every single thing as a mental illness. Asperger's is biological, hereditary and and neurological. All it is is that our brains are different, some are brilliant and some are the opposite. We are NOT mentally ill. That is my opinion. You may disagree. If you do, it doesn't really matter, does it? I feel very strongly about this so I must post it. If you love labels, you can be mentally ill if you want to be. Not me.

[Talthybius]

What you say is not consistent. First, you say that Aspergers is invented by psychologists. Then you say it is a neurological phenomenon.

I agree that a neurological phenomenon may in one situation cause traits that make a psychologist to diagnose Aspersger's (and when they think Asperger's no longer exist, ASD). But in a different person the same symptoms, which earn her or him the same label, may have completely different causes.

[PrairieCat]

It's hard to answer a question like that. Why would you want to know? I think that every person on the planet with autism is totally different. There are types and subtypes of autism, so many they are uncountable. And each one is different. None are alike. Got that?

[thanatos7930]

hello there i am an adult with autism and/or Asperger's, let me say this, i think completely differently, and most people would think i dont feel but i do just on a different spectrum per say, and because of this i understand language differently as well. when people say a word i feel it, see it, and sense it, im not sure what its like for "normal people", so this creates a gap in speaking to others because i think by seeing felling and "touching" (touching meaning when i touch something its like a blind person knowing where you are and avoiding you thats the best i can describe it) in effect i dont really understand people, and i cant communicate what is going on, and even if i do communicate, people dont understand anyway. its enraging sometimes but i have to deal with it. in fact im not sure if what im saying even makes sense to you right now if it doesnt pleas tell me. this is just some of what its like to deal with Asperger's at leas for me. i hope this helps any feedback would be appreciated

[Ceres]

With my personal experience with Asperger's I find that I have extreme difficulties regarding facial expressions and sarcasm. I cannot differentiate or sometimes even recognize how someone is feeling based on body language. I have to guess solely based on their tone, which I only can identify basic emotions like anger or sadness. I have ended up alienating my peers, and as a result I only have a few close friends. Though despite all this I don't feel any different mentally, I only know all this based on what I have read, noticed, and been told about by non-autistic people.

That said, I hope this helps with your desire to learn about autism.

[Acorn Oaktree]

Autism is not a mental illness!

[Acorn Oaktree]

Check out Lydia Brown they has a great blog about autism and other diverse abilities. They are an activist for many issues but mostly autism. They is brilliant and well spoken and if you don't know who they is, it would be more than well worth you time to check Lydia's site out.

Autistic Hoya