[Rayne Selene]

Hey everyone, I'm a nanny. I work with twin four-year-old boys. One of the boys (S) was recently diagnosed with mild autism. He has extreme noise hypersensitivity, and a tendency to really think through every movement. He does have trouble communicating, and is in speech therapy.

Because they're twins, I'm looking for some advice on how to make sure that he gets the attention he needs without putting too much of a burden on his twin brother. His twin (A) is his exact opposite. He reminds me of a dragonfly, or something else that flutters and moves quickly, darting from one thing to the next, always talking, always excited, always learning and growing. He's reading already and just expanding, expanding, expanding. I try not to take them at face value, but I've noticed a tendency in myself to make things easier for S, like picking out simpler books to read or singing simpler songs. One day he said, "I AM GOOD LISTENER. Just...just...just...people don't know it." It broke my heart, because I know he's just as bright as his brother, he just has a harder time communicating what he thinks and feels, so people (including me) often take him to be slower mentally.

S has been held back a year in preschool, so they're in different classes. I encourage A to help S and to cooperate with him, because it's a lonely world when you're struggling with mental illness. But, at the same time, I grew up in a household with a severely mentally ill brother (very intense Bipolar Disorder) and I feel that I was very damaged by constantly meeting his needs at the expense of my own, and I don't want to do this to A. But I also don't want to communicate to S that he doesn't matter or that I'm impatient with him.

Does anyone have any advice? My post doesn't show this, but I've worked with several Autistic children, many much more severe than S. I've just always worked with them one-on-one, and the dynamic with twins is so DIFFERENT. They want to be just alike, and they can't be. A gets frustrated and spiteful toward S when he's slower, and S gets angry when he can't keep up and lashes out at A. I don't want them to grow up fighting. Any useful insights are appreciated!

[Skeezyks]

Hello Rayne Selene: I don't know as I have much of anything useful to offer here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought would. Hopefully some other members who have some experience dealing with situations such as this will yet reply to your post. From my perspective, it seems like what is called for here is the services of a child psychologist... perhaps someone who is affiliated with some sort of autism program... who can help the family (including you) learn appropriate ways of handling the various dynamics that are in play here. Otherwise you're all just "winging it", so to speak. But of course you, as the nanny, can't facilitate this. It needs to be initiated by the parents. I wish you well...

[Rayne Selene]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Rayne Selene: I don't know as I have much of anything useful to offer here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought would. Hopefully some other members who have some experience dealing with situations such as this will yet reply to your post. From my perspective, it seems like what is called for here is the services of a child psychologist... perhaps someone who is affiliated with some sort of autism program... who can help the family (including you) learn appropriate ways of handling the various dynamics that are in play here. Otherwise you're all just "winging it", so to speak. But of course you, as the nanny, can't facilitate this. It needs to be initiated by the parents. I wish you well...

You're right, and luckily for me Mama Bear is VERY involved and already has him enrolled in a program. I'm glad they recognized his difficulties young...imagine if they stayed in the same class and grade all through grade school only to be separated later! I'm trying to be sure to spend an equal amount of time on each child and not overlook A just because I know he can handle himself.

[PrairieCat]

Originally Posted by Rayne Selene

Hey everyone, I'm a nanny. I work with twin four-year-old boys. One of the boys (S) was recently diagnosed with mild autism. He has extreme noise hypersensitivity, and a tendency to really think through every movement. He does have trouble communicating, and is in speech therapy.

Because they're twins, I'm looking for some advice on how to make sure that he gets the attention he needs without putting too much of a burden on his twin brother. His twin (A) is his exact opposite. He reminds me of a dragonfly, or something else that flutters and moves quickly, darting from one thing to the next, always talking, always excited, always learning and growing. He's reading already and just expanding, expanding, expanding. I try not to take them at face value, but I've noticed a tendency in myself to make things easier for S, like picking out simpler books to read or singing simpler songs. One day he said, "I AM GOOD LISTENER. Just...just...just...people don't know it." It broke my heart, because I know he's just as bright as his brother, he just has a harder time communicating what he thinks and feels, so people (including me) often take him to be slower mentally.

S has been held back a year in preschool, so they're in different classes. I encourage A to help S and to cooperate with him, because it's a lonely world when you're struggling with mental illness. But, at the same time, I grew up in a household with a severely mentally ill brother (very intense Bipolar Disorder) and I feel that I was very damaged by constantly meeting his needs at the expense of my own, and I don't want to do this to A. But I also don't want to communicate to S that he doesn't matter or that I'm impatient with him.

Does anyone have any advice? My post doesn't show this, but I've worked with several Autistic children, many much more severe than S. I've just always worked with them one-on-one, and the dynamic with twins is so DIFFERENT. They want to be just alike, and they can't be. A gets frustrated and spiteful toward S when he's slower, and S gets angry when he can't keep up and lashes out at A. I don't want them to grow up fighting. Any useful insights are appreciated!

So you call Autism mental illness? I don't feel that it is mental illness at all. It is having a different brain. That is not necessarily mental illness. That amazes me. I feel that for someone who works with autistic children to say that is really wrong. It is offensive. I have high functioning Asperger's and I certainly don't feel that makes me mentally ill.

Most people on this planet have a touch of autism. Didn't you know that?

How do others here feel about this? Does anyone else agree with me? If you think that all those with autism are mentally ill, I'm outa here.

[Rayne Selene]

Originally Posted by PrairieCat

So you call Autism mental illness? I don't feel that it is mental illness at all. It is having a different brain. That is not necessarily mental illness. That amazes me. I feel that for someone who works with autistic children to say that is really wrong. It is offensive. I have high functioning Asperger's and I certainly don't feel that makes me mentally ill.

Most people on this planet have a touch of autism. Didn't you know that?

How do others here feel about this? Does anyone else agree with me? If you think that all those with autism are mentally ill, I'm outa here.

Wow, there was no need to attack like that. I'm obviously concerned and trying to do what's best for the child under my care.

I'm a Psychology major, and Autism is classified as a disorder under the DSM. In my classes, we've always used "disorder" and "mental illness" interchangeably. It isn't used to insult. I'm bipolar, and I have no issue saying that I'm mentally ill. Lowering the stigma around the phrase is more important than attacking those who actually care about those struggling with different problems.

If anybody has constructive advice on strategies for caring for twins who are on such opposite sides of the spectrum, I'm happy to listen. My concern is for the twins. I want to make sure that both feel loved, secure, safe, and happy. As I've said, I have cared for Autistic children in the past, but the twins dynamic certainly makes this care situation different.

[-jimi-]

If you really think the autistic twin is not of very poor intelligence, you could actually demand more of him. If his weakness is communication, maybe he has some strengths too?

[Rayne Selene]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

If you really think the autistic twin is not of very poor intelligence, you could actually demand more of him. If his weakness is communication, maybe he has some strengths too?

See, this is a really good idea. His strength is definitely listening. He absorbs EVERYTHING. So I've stopped trying to make him respond to me when I talk to him, and have been giving him more time to process and then respond if he feels like it. His grandmother also informed me that at speech therapy, he talks more than she has ever heard him talk. We think it's because that's the only place he goes without his twin. So we've spent some time making sure his twin knows that it is NOT okay to speak for him. A will often answer questions you ask of S, and S lets him because that's just how it's always been. So we've been working to put a stop to that. I also encourage him to complete physical tasks on his own, like getting dressed, putting on shoes, etc, and I make sure he has ample time to do it. I don't allow him to say "I can't" but instead try to encourage him to find a different way to complete the task.
He's excelling. The other day, he greeted me in Spanish, which is a language I've been trying to teach them. It's the first time he's said anything in Spanish: he usually just listens when I talk and translate. I was very proud of him :-)

[StarGazingFish]

Originally Posted by Rayne Selene

Hey everyone, I'm a nanny. I work with twin four-year-old boys. One of the boys (S) was recently diagnosed with mild autism. He has extreme noise hypersensitivity, and a tendency to really think through every movement. He does have trouble communicating, and is in speech therapy.

Because they're twins, I'm looking for some advice on how to make sure that he gets the attention he needs without putting too much of a burden on his twin brother. His twin (A) is his exact opposite. He reminds me of a dragonfly, or something else that flutters and moves quickly, darting from one thing to the next, always talking, always excited, always learning and growing. He's reading already and just expanding, expanding, expanding. I try not to take them at face value, but I've noticed a tendency in myself to make things easier for S, like picking out simpler books to read or singing simpler songs. One day he said, "I AM GOOD LISTENER. Just...just...just...people don't know it." It broke my heart, because I know he's just as bright as his brother, he just has a harder time communicating what he thinks and feels, so people (including me) often take him to be slower mentally.

S has been held back a year in preschool, so they're in different classes. I encourage A to help S and to cooperate with him, because it's a lonely world when you're struggling with mental illness. But, at the same time, I grew up in a household with a severely mentally ill brother (very intense Bipolar Disorder) and I feel that I was very damaged by constantly meeting his needs at the expense of my own, and I don't want to do this to A. But I also don't want to communicate to S that he doesn't matter or that I'm impatient with him.

Does anyone have any advice? My post doesn't show this, but I've worked with several Autistic children, many much more severe than S. I've just always worked with them one-on-one, and the dynamic with twins is so DIFFERENT. They want to be just alike, and they can't be. A gets frustrated and spiteful toward S when he's slower, and S gets angry when he can't keep up and lashes out at A. I don't want them to grow up fighting. Any useful insights are appreciated!

it was very similar for me and my sister.
she has aspergers [undiagnosed,misdiagnosed at 19 with social anxiety disorder as her doctor believed girls couldnt get autism],i have severe classic autism,or i should say i did have until a few years ago,my label was changed to moderate in my late twenties,i am also under the category of low functioning.
we grew up living in the same house but were practically seperated because she hated me for all the extra attention i required and she saw me as to embarassing to bring her friends round to.
as a child [when i was about 5] she used to do things like smash plates and point at me so i got a beating off my dad,i was non verbal and hardly interactive with humans so as such unable to argue my corner,she did this to be nasty as she saw me as a burden.
we only became friends when she studied psychology and there was a module about classic autism,it helped her develop a bit of empathy and tolerance towards me and she became my advocate for a number of years.

in terms of the twins,ive seen quite a lot of activity and support groups for young children to attend;who are the sibling of a special needs child,something like this might be useful for your NT [neurotypical, neurologically typical].
another idea is to get your NT twin a book designed for young children, telling them they have a brother/sister with autism,it helps them understand it a bit better.
there is a book called 'my brother is different' by an author called louise garrod,im not sure if youll find it in your country but its supposed to be very good for young siblings and id imagine you could import it from the UKs national autistic society,itd just take about 4 weeks delivery to the USA,its taken me 4 weeks to get stuff from there before.

we arent allowed to post links from what i remember of the rules otherwise id post you a really good article from the national autistic society about supporting siblings of autistic children.

I'm a Psychology major, and Autism is classified as a disorder under the DSM. In my classes, we've always used "disorder" and "mental illness" interchangeably. It isn't used to insult. I'm bipolar, and I have no issue saying that I'm mentally ill. Lowering the stigma around the phrase is more important than attacking those who actually care about those struggling with different problems.

i agree with that,but autism is only in the DSM manual because it is diagnosed based on being a set of behaviors currently as they are still trying to hunt down the specific genes but they believe its a lot more complex than being just one gene so we probably wont get a test done in our life time,autism is not a mood or personality or emotional condition,its neurological,a mental illness implies something you develop and is treatable,autism is part of our brain wiring from being in the womb,it affects development-can affect cognitive skills but is neither a curse nor blessing its just there,what you do with it is up to you.

a mental illness sucks,you really suffer with them- i have severe hard to treat major depressive disorder and extremely acute anxiety as well-both are awful mental illnesses,you dont suffer with autism,you might suffer from lack of support and specialist intervention and lack of understanding but you dont suffer from autism itself in my opinion;as someone who had been severely autistic and still experience a lot of throwbacks from it such as smearing,incontinence and severe challenging behavior.

autism is now seen as 'autism spectrum condition' by many,including the UK which is very progressive in autism acceptance, i dont see it as a disorder,its more of a generic neutral condition which is a much better way of calling it as it doesnt make you think of negative connotations like disorder does.
i think the same about disability to,i dont see myself as having a disability as such in terms of my autism despite being acutely affected by it 24/7, i see autism as being a disability under the social model [you might find it interesting reading up about the social model VS medical model of disability], under the social model it means that autism is not a disability- the disability comes from the lack of acceptance,accomodation and adaption from society,as well as the lack of support and understanding.