i just open my heart

Sorry if my english is not very well.
I am female.
I am new in this forum.
i am 22 and i have asperger.
I believe that living a life having asperger can be difficult.
Its hard for me to make friends.
Its hard for me to make eye contact.
Its hard for me to express my feelings.
Its hard for me to not jump when i hear loud noises or when people touch me.
Its hard for me to understand people's emotions or thoughs.
I think i lack empathy.
I don't feel emotionally tied with my parents or sister.
Which is very logical because as a kid they hit me ''for my own good'' , and because they wanted to be a nice person.
When i am at home i feel uncomfortable and i prefer to be alone in my room.
I feel empty most of the time but sometimes i cry.
I have low energy.
I think i have depression but i am not sure.
I jealous very easy another people because they seems in my mind way better than me.
I like to live in my imagination because there can be wonderfull , i can fly in sky and feel free.
Sometimes i don't want to wake up , just sleep at night and never wake up and then i see the white light.
I forgot to say that i hate myself.
Myself its onus that i have to carry everyday.
Everyday i have to listen my negative thoughs tell me that i am not good enough ,not clever enough,never enough.
I like to get drunk cause alcohol can calm my mind and be comfortable.
But something i really need and shame to ask is a hug.
I need a hug from someone who loves me and take care of me.

I feel like nobody likes me but i guess i get used to it
People think i am strange.
And thats why i wrote here to see if i get support.
If anyone here struggle with the feels of emptiness i feel.
If anyone here thinks that he/she is nothing with any value like i do.
If anyone here prefers cartoons as friends and have more sympathy for them like i do.
I will finish my article here.
Thank you.

Dear Dark Cloud, there are many of us here who are like you. We have the same or similar feelings or we have felt this way at times, sometimes but not all the time.

Change is possible. There is help out there. Just reach out. You have begun already by writing your feelings here.

I send you love and hugs.

Thank you PrairieCat !
I know many people feel like me out there and that's why i don't feel always alone.
I hope i will see some chance in me .
Thank you for the love and the hugs !