All my Life, I've struggled with social awkwardness in social situations. What would be helpful to be less socially awkward?

[BleedTheFreak]

Aspie of many years here. All I can say is that I embraced the awkwardness and said "if people don't accept me for who I am, so be it."

It takes more time for us to warm up to people, but once you do, the awkwardness should diminish at least a little.

[Bloop33]

I wish I knew, but I'm getting more comfortable being awkward.

[UpDownAround]

I am not diagnosed on the spectrum, but have an AQ in the low 30s and have always been socially awkward so this thread caught my eye. I can tell you what doesn't work is bravado to introduce yourself like an extrovert and then have nothing else to say or have the next thing you say be an observation most people find odd and/or uninteresting. I have crashed and burned many times trying to bluff my way through social situations. I think I need to be more like the previous posters who responded and just be my awkward self.

How does one keep conversations going?

[Imnotaturtle]

Im hyper sensative to what I call energy and pick up on whether or not someone is judgmental or uncomfortable around me. That kills it for me. There is no way for me to carry on a conversation with that person. I start stumble on my words and fall back on being quiet. Which, of course, furthers their judgment and worsens my aniexty. For me there is no getting around this.

However, I do come across very well rounded individuals who are intelligent and open minded.. every so often. I've learned that showing interest in what they are saying is rule #1. Always ask questions that are open ended and shows you were listening. For an example, my co worker expressed she had gone on vaccation where her husband grew up (located in a dif country). So, I asked if the cost of living is a lot cheaper there and if the region he lived in is pretty safe. This opened up the cost of living and cultural differences.

I've watched a lot of YouTube on communication. Which has helped.

However, my delimla is my sensitivity to idiots. They find out I'm autistic and its like 'deer in the head light' look and its all down hill from there.. I don't get it.

[daynrand]

I'm not sure this would be helpful to others here, unless panic disorder (or at the very least, strong anxiety) is part of the "awkwardness". But in my case, I'd been raised with so much abuse, which included many admonitions (threats, really) to "act right" outside the family home, or else. I wasn't allowed to "feel shy" then, & later in life after even worse trauma, I developed what was diagnosed as agoraphobia. Talk about social anxiety!

After too many years, I just happened to read a magazine article about actors with stage fright being given prescriptions for a beta blocker (anti-high-blood-pressure medicine) called propranolol. Even though I've always had low blood pressure, my doctor didn't mind prescribing it for me as long as I only took it occasionally when I knew I'd be in a situation that would be difficult, to say the least, for me. Amazingly, it worked! I still felt "odd" around many people, but was able to emotionally discern that my own feelings were legitimate, which I couldn't do on my own.

So, for what it's worth, for anybody here whose social awkwardness goes beyong mere discomfort, maybe you could ask your doctor about propranolol or some other beta blocker?

[daynrand]

Originally Posted by Imnotaturtle

However, my delimla is my sensitivity to idiots. They find out I'm autistic and its like 'deer in the head light' look and its all down hill from there.. I don't get it.

LOL... Good way to put it, turtle! At least you can recognize who the true idiots are.

[daynrand]

Originally Posted by BleedTheFreak

All I can say is that I embraced the awkwardness and said "if people don't accept me for who I am, so be it."

It's great that you're able to do this. I agree with your logic, but when faced with outright panic in public, I often can't even think clearly enough to have the sense to just leave. I rarely have those kinds of panic attacks any more, but if I fear a public event, I still will take propranolol now & then. I think it's really helped me to finally come to the realization that often it's the other person who's being weird, & why should I feel badly about myself all the time?

[daynrand]

[QUOTE=UpDownAround;5855071I can tell you what doesn't work is bravado to introduce yourself like an extrovert and then have nothing else to say or have the next thing you say be an observation most people find odd and/or uninteresting. I have crashed and burned many times trying to bluff my way through social situations. I think I need to be more like the previous posters who responded and just be my awkward self.[/QUOTE]

I love how you put it! Amen to that!

[cool09]

I've never been able to hold a conversation. I'm just not that fast and I don't respond well. Not my strong point. And I've caught hell for it on every job I've had.