[StarGazingFish]

hi,this is a bit about part of my life.
i am severely autistic,i have a aspie sister and a brutish aspie dad.
i was non verbal almost my whole life.
my speech was echolalia in singular words but speaking was rare,speaking made me incredibly tired.
i was constantly frustrated because my mum and dad didnt understand me and what i was trying to get across,i was heavily beaten by my dad for every difficulty and behavior,my sister was the 'good' one and never got beaten,dad loved her,she did manipulative things like smash plates and woud blame me to dad so i woud get beaten.

i grew up heavily resenting society and hating humans,they spoke for me but they didnt say what i wanted to say.

when i got my first PC at 16 i began using it to communicate with other disabled people [mixed disability] and my family, it opened up a new world but i was still beaten and threatened by my dad, my mum woud try to stop it but she was drunk all the time and didnt have the balls to truly intervene.

i hated my dad.
i went to a special college at 18 and i was severely depressed,i day dreamed every day about getting hold of hard drugs to take away the mental pain.i emailed the head tutor to tell her i was being abused and she got in social services the next day,they assessed my needs and found me a place in an intelectual disability institution within 24 hours and my social worker and speech and language therapist helped me move all of my stuff in her car.

i was now physicaly abused by support staff,and they allowed a service user to sexualy abuse me in front of them because i didnt understand what they were doing.
i was silent but screaming in my head.
my emails to my speech therapist got him riled up and he woud often pop in to stick up for me,the support staff hated him.
my sister started to understand me and resented me less and less, she had done a degree in psychology and aparently it had a part on autism.
she became my advocate and she got social services involved when she found out about the sexual abuse and pyhysical abuse,two of my teeth were smashed by a staff but she only got warned for that,she hated me.

the institution was slowly starting to shut down as the government finaly believed that intelectualy disabled adults shoudnt be locked away from the community.
i was moved out into a residential home that was staffed by the same staff,i suffered badly there with abuse from both staff and service users and i was moved on to another and another place because they said my challenging behavior was to much for them,i merely coudnt cope with the abuse.

i eventualy got moved to a residential home run by a specialist severe/profound autism company,i spent four lovely years there, and was given the use of an ipad with a communication program to speak.
i had regular speech therapy and went to a autism communication club.
i developed very severe depression and unfortunately the area manager there didnt believe i had it because he said people with severe autism dont get mental illness.
i became very pyschotic.
there was a bit of luck around the corner,my sister came to visit as she was doing something with her mental health company for world mental health day in my area,she was skiving off work because there was nothing to do.
she saw the state i was in and got me a GP appointment booked that instant, a couple of hours later and we were at the doctors-it pissed off the manager no end which i was glad about,how dare he suggest my mind cant be fragile like everyone elses.

i was given a anti depressent;cymbalta and that saved my life in terms of depression but the pyschosis kept going and going. my pyschiatrist finaly took notice and started me on respiridone allthough it was to late and one night i tried to kill everyone in my residential home as the voice was telling me all sorts of lies about them.i was heavily restrained by police for twenty hours until they found me a place in a intelectual disability acute hospital. i hid under the tables there as i was seeing fire across the ceilings.
the hospital took away all of my communication aids including my PECS book and they woudnt listen to my makaton.i was being behavioraly trained into speaking,eventualy it happened as i didnt know how long i was going to be in there and i was unable to get anything such as food or toilet without speaking. the scumbags had the cheek to give my all of my communication aids to another service user who was more autistic than me.

i eventualy started talking but with great resentment,to them it was a success from their hard work.i hate them all.
i feel absolutely wiped out when i speak and it is a very alien concept to me,i am very tempted to go back to not speaking.

i hope this doesnt trigger anyone,i dont know how to put writing into trigger signs.

Wow! I'm so sorry you experienced all that.

My gosh, I would hate them such a lot too!

[Tessie62]

I'm so sorry you went through this. My heart goes out to you. I hope you realize not all people are insensitive monsters. Hopefully life has been much kinder to you. Hugs!

[PrairieCat]

I am also sorry. So much you didn't deserve! Big hug to you.