AvPD Recent Diagnosis

Hi, I have been Dx'd with social phobia, but there's a chance I might have avpd. I know I definatly fit the criteria. I struggle with what people are thinking about me. I'm almost always sure that my 16 year old daughter is upset with me, or embarrassed of me, or wishes she had a different mom.

I also wonder what my sister is saying about me.

I just take it one day at a time. I am currently on meds for anxiety and depression and going for counseling./

Hello ShortandCute, wow that must be excruciating being so negatively affected by what your own daughter thinks of you (I think it must be harder to deal with what children and young people think of us, because they're not so good at hiding their contempt judgements criticisms etc and so it's a lot easier to interpret their responses negatively.)

As IATE said on other thread, I gather social phobia and AvPD (and various other set ups) have a lot of cross over if indeed they're much different in the first place, so consider yourself as belonging here!

Good luck to you with the meds and the counselling

Torn

I'm new here and really identify with the AVPD as a diagnosis for me, along with other stuff. I like people but all those thoughts like you all talked about, really gets in the way of me wanting to socialize. What do you guys think, did any of you suffer at the hands of a mother who was not able to give you the bonding needed during first months/years of life? I know that I suffer from that (a narcissistic mom who was very intellectual and interested in anything but children). I have known for years that she would not be capable of bonding with a baby. So, I realize where my initial disorder stems from and there are numerous ramifications to that. Somehow I have been able to work with people, own businesses,volunteer etc and feel very isolated and paranoid and anxious and sui through it all..... amazing! I am trying to get a handle or understanding on it as it has never gone away and is now making me want to isolate since I do not have to work so much anymore. So, I thought I would plug-in and learn from those who are experiencing similar stuff.

Hello Trytosurvive, and welcome to the forum. It does help finding things that fit doesn't it? I find so, having a dx or being able to identify with a set of criteria gives me structure that stops me haring off all over the place losing the plot by not knowing what's right wrong ok not ok etc etc...

Sounds like you've managed life very successfully (I could probably say the same for me) but that this stuff percolates away in the background messing everything up despite all apparent successes.

Not sure about the narcissistic parenting. I'm sorry you had a rubbish childhood by the sounds of it - if you can make the connections between your mother and how you turned out that's a big step forward.

I hope you do find things here to help you - this particular forum seems quite slow (a fact of the disorder itself) but other forums on PC have loads of interesting and helpful stuff going on. It's a whole little world in here

Torn

Hi, trytosurvive! Glad you've managed to keep functioning at a high level while dealing with issues that are really painful to experience.

My development: Both of my parents were socially isolated, and both used alcohol to avoid their feelings. My dad lacked empathy and thought "others" were selfish/small-minded/stupid. He tended to lecture about ideas/philosophy/projects instead of talking with us. My mom could be very warm unless we needed something; then she became cold, distant, physically present but unavailable. I have a long history of bullying by peers because of race, poverty, shyness, awkwardness, and appearance. I never had problem solving or follow-through modeled for me. So I tend to run from problems and try to hide from pain, while achieving academically/professionally because that's the way I got attention before.

I find that working through these issues is essential to functioning better. All the exposure in the world doesn't help me if I'm not attacking my inner "rules" for behavior.

I'm glad you're posting here. Have you been able to discuss any of these issues with other people, or have you been hiding your inner feelings to look more competent and polished? I find it very difficult to be vulnerable. Posting here helps a lot, and helps me sort out when it is a good idea to self-disclose, instead of going from repressed to spilling my guts to anyone who actually feels safe! Welcome!

Hey guys, I realise Orange just posted exactly what I would say, so

+1.

I am encouraged that there are others who are suffering from the same thing as I am.

I am a early 30s female with a steady boyfriend of seven years who only has one close friend. You wouldn't normally conclude that I am AvPD but my problem is in making friends. Not in keeping a committed relationship going. My main issue has always been one-on-one versus group relations. I can talk all day long one-on-one with someone but put me in a room with random strangers and I feel paranoid and inferior. I rarely will go up to people in a group or join group conversation. After several failed attempts to meet friends through facebook and in real life, I have started concluding that there must be something I am giving off that is driving people away. I have always assumed that if no one bothers to speak to you (even if you try to speak to them) it must mean they have no interest in you.

I have become somewhat antsy, depressed, angry and withdrawn in regards to this. My whole life now revolves around my boyfriend and I (he has more friends than me but only talks to them online because they live in other cities) and I often think I am dragging him down with me as I go on this tirade against humanity as it were, just because I perceive that no one give's two rat butt's about me or what I would have to say.

Things that complicate matters are: I don't drive and I don't like talking on the phone.

I find that if I can get someone close to me, I would be their very best friend. I do consider friendship sort of a sacred thing like a love relationship because when I have a good friend, I feel I should be able to tell them everything and trust them and vice versa but I feel such closeness is all but lacking in society.

Any advice on keeping sane and not becoming a lonely widow in a house full of cats?

hi all i was diagnosed with this like 5 years ago and i was diagnosed by 2 psychiatrist and 1 psychologist and iam not so happy about it

well recently i just read this and thought i would share it here hope it would help somehow

http://outofthefog.net/Disorders/AVPD.html

As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright.

Thanks for the link Silently .

Liriel hello and welcome to the forum.

Reminds me of me and how I sit on a simmering pit of anger for more or less the same reasons. I started a thread about anger recently in the AvPD forum, I suspect that quite a few of us probably have a ground swell of anger/resentment going on, though maybe not all of us are aware of it. It's very threatening.

Hey snap about hating talking on the phone. I think I get how frightening it must be for you feeling like your life revolves around only you and your boyfriend - that's fine except when you start thinking of 'what if...' and fearing being left alone. Or just have an argument and suddenly it feels like the end of the world...

Anyway, glad you got the courage up to post, welcome again

Torn

Well, OK... but if you keep demonstrating that you're bad, wrong, unacceptable, unlikeable and unwantable but no one notices -- we go right on liking and admiring you and appreciating what you post, for instance -- then how much difference does it actually make that you're bad, wrong, unacceptable, unlikeable and unwantable? Is there any sort of test for who is and who isn't? I was thinking that if we all turned out to be bad, wrong, unacceptable, unlikeable and unwantable, you might fit right in!

By any chance is there (or was there) someone in particular who considers (or once considered) you bad, wrong, unacceptable, unlikeable and unwantable? In that case I can see where you might want to prove to them that you weren't or (worst case) let them prove to you that you were so you'd at least know what you were dealing with. Even if they were no longer available for discussion, though, you could have that same conversation with an empty chair.

ROFL!!! Now that's a very good way indeed of looking at it .

But THIS for the empty chair. One of my early Ts (psychodrama) said that I had a very limited role repertoire because I just couldn't do the reversing roles thing with the empty chair. Yeah a limited repertoire of roles of just one! That was thirty years ago and I still can't do the empty chair thing. I expect though that as soon as I can trust my T things like that will become possible for me. It's all to do with fear...

Yes you're right of course Fooze (being the wise soul that you are ) there was someone, in fact many someones in the past who gave me a headful of anti-me to contend with - it's no longer them I need to convince though, it's me . I've done a really good job of carrying on the work they started. I'm sure even they would be appalled at the level of self criticism that goes on in my head... well hmmmm on thinking about it, maybe not...

Besides, sometimes it's nice to let go having to fight all this negative stuff and just wallow in it, the relief of knowing hey this IS what I believe and think and right now I don't care how whiney or self pitying or defeatist it sounds, it's good to relax into it sometimes. I do get really tired of having to fight myself all the time .

Thanks for posting ((((( Fooze )))))

Torn

Hi all. My T Dxed me with AvPD yesterday. But only because I cornered him into it by asking if he thought I was mildly autistic or something. I've been seeing him over 2 years now and I think he didn't want to label me with anything because he didn't want me discouraged.

I don't doubt his Dx, as he's written tons of research, etc on properly diagnosing and treating personality disorders. And I do fit all the characteristics of it, and I've always felt I had more than just social phobia blocking me from progress. I've had this my whole life. *sigh*

So... hi.

QuietCat,
It is good to hear that you are working with a tdoc. When I have been dx'd with things (depression, anxiety, avpd) it has been kind of shocking. First it's shocking to be dx'd; then it's shocking when a person reads about this and sees the similarity.