advice for getting friends

I think I may have this disorder. I have not been formerly diagnosed but two therapists have hinted at it. I read about it and I fit the bill. Also have depression.

I don't have anyone in life but family. How do I get friends? It's been a while since I've had any. I need some. I need advice. I am quite introverted. However, I miss interaction. I don't know how to talk to people I don't know. Please help.

Hello James welcome to the forum .

I'm a bit short of time right now so just wanted to post a hello and to say I'll be back later to reply at length.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this disorder too, it sucks

Torn

Hi, I really can't give advice on how to make make friends. I don't have any close one's myself. No one I can really talk too. If it weren't for my parents and sister I think the loneliness would be too much for me. I worry about what will happen when my parents are gone.

Sorry, you want advice, all I can say is be yourself and keep trying and you are not alone.

I don't get why some people they can talk and make friends so easily and others struggle to talk and have to work hard just to have acquaintances. Like Torn Mind says-it sucks.

Hi again James. I note you said that two therapists had hinted that you might have AvPD - are you currently seeing a therapist? Would it be helpful to ask him/her for a more formal assessment or dx?

I'm glad you do have some family (I don't mean anything negative by this, but I am at the age where I have no family left and I tell you it's really hard, even though the family weren't the most supportive and understanding of people, at least I was more or less accepted by them...)

Ok as for making friends - well posting here on Psychcentral is a good start - I find internet forums and chat rooms very much good 'practice' for real world interaction (in fact they ARE real world, but much less scary and fraught.) If you can push yourself to post and interact here (or on any kind of forum that interests you for that matter) you'll find that you do start to make some friends.

Friends in real world well there I don't know. When I worked I found that my friends/acquaintances were made via the work place. Do you have a job where you can meet or talk to other people? There are obvious things you could do - like join clubs or interest groups where you meet other people interested in the same things as you, that sort of thing, though I'm sure you already know those sorts of things. When you've got a common focus the pressure is off having to do all the 'let's get to know each other' palaver if you were just meeting someone at a party or something. Having a common interest gives you a cast iron reason for being there and I think anyway, makes it easier to relate to people (or not, if you don't feel up to it.)

I dunno, I guess for us, making friends is work. We just have to put the effort into it, make ourselves pursue people, because they sure as hell aren't going to beat a path to our doors!

Have you done any kind of role playing in therapy or elsewhere? It's quite useful for learning how to do the 'small talk' stuff when you first meet someone you don't know, and it's also useful for practising how to relate to people.

All the best to you

Torn

Thank you Tom. Your care is responding was quite kind. I am currently without a therapist. I've seen many in my life. The next one I am planning on asking for a diagnoses. I have been diagnosed with serious depression which makes it very easy for me to withdraw. My heart goes out to you for not having family. I haven't tried role play in therapy. I don't know if the next therapist I would see would do it. None of the others has ever suggested it, so I gather from that, they are not into it. I do need help with small talk. I just don't know how to get a conversation started or continue it. I don't really have interests except maybe movies and theater. I struggle trying to find clubs in my area. Again, thanks for your understanding Tom.