[M420]

So I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend or anyone interested in me. All the girls that I showed interest in rejected me, but I understand..

Why would any girl want to waste her time with me if she can easily get someone stronger, taller, funnier, richer, hotter and more emotionally stable than me? It just doesn't make any logical sense!

I have been kissed by maybe 3 girls but they were all very drunk.

I also don't know what it feels like to cuddle with a girl or being loved by one.

But it's okay, girls deserve much better than me.

[Ultra Darkness]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Well, almost, but I'm a girl, so there you go. Anyway, I can't remember the last time I even spoke to a guy my age. No kisses, no dates. It's no wonder I'm lonely. So yeah, I understand.

I know how you feel too. Neither guys NOR girls would want anything to do with me. Not even friends, because I tend to get a crush on anyone who's nice to me/pays any attention to me at all. And no one would want THAT.

[M420]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

because I tend to get a crush on anyone who's nice to me/pays any attention to me at all.

I'm exactly the same! Even when a girl just sends me a smiley face I get too excited.

Another big reason why I don't think any girl would want me is because I have more than 50 quite visible cutting scars all over my arms

I have scars too, over most of my body...most of the worst ones (visually) are burns. Even when I only had a few cutting scars a dermatologist nurse freaked out when she saw me and they see some pretty bad looking skin...now looking at me would probably induce vomiting, so I guess I'll have to pay someone someday if I don't want to die a virgin.

[Perna]

"Why would any girl want me" - it doesn't work like that; you have to enjoy yourself and be living your own life, doing your own thing, and that self shining out of you attracts others to you naturally. Work on your self esteem and all the rest you want will follow.

[gary290]

I used to feel this way and sometimes I still do. I do understand low self esteem. I find making a list of positive qualities about myself and frequently reading it helps. It can be seemingly silly qualities like "I make a good cup of coffee." I do believe there is someone for everyone. You're young. Give it time.

If it were so simple we wouldn't have low self-esteem in the first place. I doubt anyone is born with low self-esteem, we gain it by being bullied or left out by our peers, among many other reasons.

[M420]

Originally Posted by gary290

I used to feel this way and sometimes I still do. I do understand low self esteem. I find making a list of positive qualities about myself and frequently reading it helps. It can be seemingly silly qualities like "I make a good cup of coffee." I do believe there is someone for everyone. You're young. Give it time.

I have given it time. Probably 6 years now. I have tried all that "Write your strength and qualities" stuff. I have read many self help books.

[Yoda]

I was way beyond 19 y/o before I had a boy friend and even then it wasn't serious. I was almost 25 y/o before I had another boy friend. You aren't unusual despite being unhappy about the situation. Maybe just do casual stuff with people and let it happen when it happens.

[Ajtgjm]

Me too... 23 yr old and never had a girl friend. In my case,i am tall, handsome, smart and all...i constantly try to improve myself but...i guess we know how we think therefore it becomes extremely difficult for us to have and maintain a relationship like normal people do....accept it and deal with it, keep your karma right, keep doing things you are supposed to do and everything else will take care of itself. No matter how difficult it may be, there is no other option for getting out of this state and you know that.

[Ultra Darkness]

Originally Posted by Ajtgjm

Me too... 23 yr old and never had a girl friend. In my case,i am tall, handsome, smart and all...i constantly try to improve myself but...i guess we know how we think therefore it becomes extremely difficult for us to have and maintain a relationship like normal people do....accept it and deal with it, keep your karma right, keep doing things you are supposed to do and everything else will take care of itself. No matter how difficult it may be, there is no other option for getting out of this state and you know that.

That sounds kinda harsh.

[Ajtgjm]

Originally Posted by Ultra Darkness

That sounds kinda harsh.

sorry, which part sounds harsh? That is the way i look at things, maybe i have less understanding of possible solutions or negative attitude towards life.

[Ultra Darkness]

This part here...

Originally Posted by Ajtgjm

....accept it and deal with it, keep your karma right, keep doing things you are supposed to do and everything else will take care of itself. No matter how difficult it may be, there is no other option for getting out of this state and you know that.

[Meonly76]

I remember being told you have to love yourself before others can love you, but that is way easier said than done. Even when people seem intersted/into you, you can be so filled with self doubt that you miss it, or you don't believe it is real. You need to work towards feeling good about yourself as a person, not measure your worth based on who likes/fancies you. Are you doing anything to help with your self esteem?

Originally Posted by Ajtgjm

sorry, which part sounds harsh? That is the way i look at things, maybe i have less understanding of possible solutions or negative attitude towards life.

Dang I think most of us here would love it it were all to do with just plain "attitude" and positive thinking. Rather simplistic analysis don't you think?

[Meonly76]

Everyone has to start somewhere in fixing things in life, so if its by logically looking at your pluses even if in reality you don't really believe them, then its a first step, the next would maybe be to seek help in how to manage, or try and change how you think, again easier said than done, but if it works for you (I know it doesnt for everyone) maybe cognative behavioural therapy would help, its a lot of hard work, but the difference it can make to your life could be great. Have you saught help from a Doctor at all?

[Ajtgjm]

Originally Posted by Ultra Darkness

This part here...

i dont know man, i belive if we keep doing what we are supposed to do(or what we think we are supposed to do), we could be happy and satisfied to some extent in the inside.
Life is like Sims game, we have to keep clicking(doing) insted of worrying what will happen if we do things wrong, slowly but surely things fall in place someday. There is probably no alternative to this.

[Ajtgjm]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Dang I think most of us here would love it it were all to do with just plain "attitude" and positive thinking. Rather simplistic analysis don't you think?

We can call it whatever we want, in the end its all in our head that causes these problems. I tried a lot of things(other than doctor) like books, sprituality, drugs, hypnosis etc. Direct action is the only way i think.

[Ultra Darkness]

Originally Posted by Ajtgjm

i dont know man, i belive if we keep doing what we are supposed to do(or what we think we are supposed to do), we could be happy and satisfied to some extent in the inside.
Life is like Sims game, we have to keep clicking(doing) insted of worrying what will happen if we do things wrong, slowly but surely things fall in place someday. There is probably no alternative to this.

First, I'm a girl.
Second, I've never played Sims.
Third, what if doing what we're "supposed" to do, is part of the problem?
We might want to take this discussion elsewhere...

Originally Posted by Ajtgjm

We can call it whatever we want, in the end its all in our head that causes these problems. I tried a lot of things(other than doctor) like books, sprituality, drugs, hypnosis etc. Direct action is the only way i think.

Eh I was going to comment but I have nothing. SMH.

[Ajtgjm]

Work out, read, learn to dance(or sing or any other art) & be funny, and any girl will want you then. This may take some time but will have positive effects on many levels.

[SlowMoMo]

Ok. Let me get this straight...

If I go work out, read, learn an art, and try to be funny, any girl will want to be with me?

That seems very shallow. You have to remember which forum section you are in. In the end of the day I will continue to be Avoidant.

You make it seem like I just have to be a superficial guy and any girl will accept me for who I am....

I don't know but if it isn't because you are a db or treat her like **** it won't really matter why

[Ineptitude]

Originally Posted by SlowMoMo

Ok. Let me get this straight...

If I go work out, read, learn an art, and try to be funny, any girl will want to be with me?

That seems very shallow. You have to remember which forum section you are in. In the end of the day I will continue to be Avoidant.

You make it seem like I just have to be a superficial guy and any girl will accept me for who I am....

Confidence and self acceptance.

Easy to say, difficult to find. I believe with every bit of my being that life is a self fulfilling prophecy, and as superficial as it seems to say fake it until you make it, it rings true. You cannot convince yourself that you are a worthy person without taking actions to treat yourself as such, only mental conditioning and being actionable can make you see yourself in a positive light.