Is This Me??

I've never been officially dx'd with Avoidant PD, but I think I meet a lot of the criteria. To the point that I am a virtual recluse! I'm very reluctant to venture outside of my own house, even tho we live in a pretty neighborhood and have friendly (if busy ) neighbors.

I wasn't always like this--AT ALL. As a child I was very carefree, outgoing, and made friends easily. I loved being outdoors and around ppl. But something happened. I think one of the factors was that I was slightly overweight starting not long before puberty--not much at all, but it didn't stop the skinny kids at school from calling me every hurtful name they could think of--and what stunned me was that these were the very people who not long before had been my good friends! (I don't get over things like that easily--if at all. Esp. since none of them seem to care what it did to me.) I was also NOT athletically inclinced (at any weight!) and they bullied me for that too. And for being a good student. I finally dropped out of school at the age of 16 (to avoid the truant officer) and got my GED because I literally could not take any more of the ostracism, name-calling, mockery--you name it!

The last straw was when the girl who had been literally my very best friend beginning in 1st grade (we were so inseparable our teachers nicknamed us "The Twins") decided when we were around 16 that I was the reason she was unpopular. She was perfectly willing to cut off all contact with me because the "popular" clique told her if she dumped me, they would be happy to be her friends. And she accepted. (I guess she didn't know they had previously made the same offer to me--I was furious and lost no time in turning them down!! ) That was decades ago but my former "best friend" has not spoken one word to me from that day to this.

Yes, it is entirely fair to say that I no longer trust anyone. If your very best friend, the person who was like a sister to you, can betray you like that, who CAN you trust?!

I don't know if this is Avoidant PD or not, but I avoid as much human contact as possible. I cannot take any more rejection.

I wouldn't say that being desperately hurt by others and suffering the consequences of that would qualify you for a personality disorder. you are just going overboard to keep yourself safe. I understand completely. I had a dear friend in jr high do something similar to me and I swore I would never open myself up to be hurt again. I only now feel like I have friends again some 30 years later and they happen to be the people I work with. I am agoraphobic and never go out because the world is unsafe. but I have never considered myself antisocial. I get along with the people in my own little world just fine.

I can definitely sympathise with a lot of what you posted (right down to betrayal of a best friend).

It's hard to say, though, by your post whether you might have avoidant tendencies or not. This is where I type the predictable and painfully common line: Only a professional can give you an accurate diagnosis. It sounds like you, at the very least, suffer from some form of social anxiety. Whether that is AvPD or not is tough to say without knowing you personally, or knowing more about your situation.

Personality disorders are complex. To be honest, I was a bit frustrated to receive an AvPD diagnosis, because they are complex. An intense fear of rejection is definitely a hallmark of AvPD, as is avoiding relationships. Many of us may even view ourselves as socially inept. Which can create this vicious cycle in which we grow hyper aware of how we behave socially, confirming (in our minds, at least) that we are inept.

It sounds like you're reacting to your situation (the bullying). Then again, so was I, and I was still diagnosed AvPD. In fact, my NP commented that it sounded like it was a case of me being told I was inept so often, that I grew to believe it. Heh. That sentence, to this day, confuses me.

The best advise I can give you is that if you feel this is interfering with your quality of life in any way, to seek help. While personality disorders can be hard to treat, therapy can work wonders in at least helping us learn to cope with it. And if it is social anxiety, that is treatable.

All the best.