pointless

I just wonder how are you supposed to get better, when you actually try to change but everything goes wrong, and you just end up falling into that dark place,yet again… you try to stay positive and try to keep going but things still get worse and you know that things are going to keep getting worse because it’s happened over and over again,year after year.

Putting on a front to friends and family to try and cover what’s actually going on doesn’t help either, it just makes things worse by making you feel ashamed and embarrassed.Tell them and they don't/won't understand anyway.Family stays,but only because they are afraid of what you might do if they go and friends just leave.

How do you stay positive when you don’t have the energy to deal with anything anymore, you struggle to get things done and you just feel empty and hopeless inside and like you can’t get anything right.

Nothing feels like it helps anymore so how are you supposed to get better?Hobbies are no longer fun.
Fun,there is no fun,no laughs,no smiles.

Every time I talk, I feel like I’m annoying people, like everyone is willing me to shut up and thinking what a complete and utter idiot I am. Every time they brush me off when I try to say something, it hurts so much it makes me want to die. I feel so intensely worthless.
So you become more avoidant and depressed as the years go by,because it's all pointless to try anymore.

Sorry guys,just needed to say this .No need to comment.

Sometimes... when you cry... no one sees your tears...

Sometimes... when you are worried... no one will see your pain...

sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile ...

But fart just one time...