I cannot shake the feeling that my whole life depends on one girl

You are absolutely right. Physically I do like her. One of the best things about her are the eyes... now I realized that I don't even know what color are they.

While as a person... that illusion was broken.

Yes it makes sense. I guess I have always been obsessed with peoples behavior that I forgot about their personality.

Edit: It's important that I realized that the attraction is physical. Basically, a natures way of "forcing" mating. Now, I have to control myself to not give her more than I've given her so far.

Obviously my assumptions can be totally wrong, they are based on the limited information provided here and on my personal experience, you have of course the whole picture and you can assess way better and more accurately, sorry if I sounded too rigid in what I said.

If I have understood correctly you work in the same office with her? It might be difficult to keep her out of your mind if you like her (even if it is just in a physical way) and you have to be with her in the same place all the time.

The post where I said I only like her physically was made during the weekend... because I was angry and I tried to make myself not like her. So I actually like being around her, talking to her, looking at her... even despite her flaws, both physical and personality flaws. The only difference is I don't feel she is perfect like before or feel that impending doom I wrote about when I made this thread. She is just a girl... a girl I like.

She sits at the second desk behind me. About once a week she sits at the first one behind me. These are open desks without cubicles... so direct view at everything. When there is coffee break (twice a day) they all move near the table that's in front of me, while I stay at my desk. Before breakfast, me and her go to make it, just the two of us. During breakfast, four of us sit at a square table, she sits left of me.

I try to forget about her during the weekend... then Monday comes and BAM! I am again reminded of everything.

So yes... REALLY DIFFICULT!