naivete

I have been jumped all over on for admitting I am naive about certain things, and for good reason, now that I think about it. But I think the word is being bastardized, and is being used as an excuse for poor behavior.

To be naive means "a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment." Alright. So you can get away with being "naive" once. But once you have learned what you were naive about, you are no longer naive about it; then it's a choice. From that point on, if you claim to be "naive" you are just using that label as an excuse.

In fact, you can't claim to be naive at all. You can say you were naive - but then you learned about what you are talking about, so you have knowledge about it, so you can only realize that you were naive about something by looking back on it. There is one tiny pivotal moment when you can see that you are being naive - but then you fall to the other side of knowing that about yourself, and you are no longer naive.

If you do something naively once, then you learn from it, learn about it, and correct your behavior. It could be that there is a period where you are underskilled or undereducated, but even that is a short period. And if you continue to claim "naivete" in that period in order to not take responsibility, then again, that's just an excuse for poor behavior.

The things I were naive about were 1) telling when people are lying to me. Which I am now training with my therapist to resolve. And 2) not knowing about love. Which, I must say in my defense, I never said I was naive about that. I said I was jaded, indubitably, and if I want to remember (since I doubt I ever experienced it) what the first blush of love is, full of hope with no reservations about the future (btw the technical term for that state is egotism a deux - seriously) then I have to research it. Which I am doing if anyone wants any book recommendations.

Thanks for this. If not, just here, the Books forum or Relationship and Communication Forum, may also have interested members in this genre of literature. What would you recommend, for someone asking, what is true love?

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The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm was fantastic. It demystified love, which is a good thing, because it emboldens one to love without fear.

I would also highly recommend The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship by Don Miguel Ruiz. It lives up to its title.

He wrote another book called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom which I would almost consider a prerequisite. It talks about loving, too, but it primarily gives one a blueprint for living an authentic life, which is necessary in order to fully love someone.

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