Sudden realization

Thanks Snapp66, How do you know that I'm not a AvPD with BPD traits? How do you know it's not my core issue and that traits of BPD are a result of AvPD problems. I'm not saying that you are wrong, I would just love if you could point out to me the reasons why you believe that, because I really want to know. I would really appreciate if you could take the time to tell me so that I'm not telling myself that I have both disorders. lol. Thanks

Having both BPD and AvPD seems very unlikely to me as the behaviour in the two is almost completely opposite, even though low self esteem is a major issue for both.
I sometimes feel like I have the emotions of BPD with the behaviour of AvPD. I have borderline traits but the AvPD is so much stronger.

We can give our opinion on what we think but no one here can give you a correct diagnosis. But for what it's worth, I also don't think your posts sound like someone who has AvPD.

Maybe I could jump in and answer?

Just your post here has a really big clue. I will misspeak. Please bear with me. But you come off as really aggressive. ("How do you know?" - why have a go at someone when you're the one asking the questions? if you're not going to trust that you'll get informed answers, here, why post here at all?) Avoidant people are pretty shy. Now, you poke us with a stick, we will defend ourselves. But - and, yes, this is stereotypical, but you're asking for impressions - generally BPD has a reputation for being aggressive, bold, in your face, and AvPD has a reputation of being meek, quiet, reserved.

When I say aggressive, I mean, you posted that and directed it to someone else, but you were so confrontational that I wanted to go hide in my cave and it wasn't even aimed at me. Yes, I understand I'm sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong maybe. But if I saw a post directed to me like that, it would take me days to respond, so here I am butting in, and maybe getting you a response much more quickly. Who knows. And I'm not saying I'm speaking for the other person, just giving my impression.

Also, AvPD is very commonly self-diagnosed incorrectly. It's almost impossible to have the distance to really see what's going on. People tend to attribute qualities that happen every once in a while, or there is an urge to stay away from confrontations or something like that. They confuse the term "avoidant" for "avoids something." Totally different things.

It can be very damaging to self-diagnose as avoidant, because there is no treatment or cure. Borderline - that's great! Seems maybe on the surface like you don't want that, but I've known Borderlines who have been treated and they're just about normal. Yes, it's a lot of work doing the therapy. But you'll be normal! Don't limit yourself before you even get started.

Maybe you're just an introverted Borderline. Sounds like an oxymoron, but they actually do exist.

Hi HPocus,
My post was not written with the intention of being aggressive, not at all, and I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable. I am not an aggressive person by nature. You misinterpreted what I said 'How do you know' etc..My intention was to learn how do you know the difference, and I cannot believe that you have replied to me the way you have. I think you are being very unfair, plus, I feel that you paint all BPD's with same brush. I am not a 'bold and in your face' kind of person and I never was. If you think my post was 'so confrontational' well, I don't know what to say, actually, I think yours is very confrontational. It's quite offensive really.

Guys, you can call me idiot but I don't see agressiveness anywhere.

I only saw Nicky being honest by telling that she made an on-line test and asking for a clarification to a remark and Snap saying that it's better to talk this with the clinic bc there are many possible psychological issues that lead a person to avoid situations.
An online test is not of much help.

You have the habit to annoy people and then, you point them out because they get angry. Lol!
Is it also an avoidant trait?

Nicky, if you see yourself reflected in avoidant traits, talk openly with your therapist. (S)he will clarify your doubts. You can arise any topic with him/her.
(S)he is the best in diagnosing you.
Most of the times, personality disorders are not found in a pure way. And perhaps, you could have a tendency to avoid situations but you also would have to work on issues that has to be with the first diagnoses you recived.

Don't be afraid if you have borderline traits. They are treatable.

I wish you luck with the professionals.... (I'm also in the UK and frankly have not been impressed...). Keep posting here, we're here to listen

Personally I think it's quite possible to have Avoidant pd and borderline traits. I haven't read enough of your posts to form an opinion if that's what I think you have I think it's likely that borderline pd is helped more by the NHS (in some cases) but I'm no expert (I completely distrust them after a couple of appalling experiences )

Unluckily, I don't think she will come back.

I don't think she will come back, either, but that's a pity because I've read many posts by Nicky and I really like her.

I just wanted to give out my opinion, as I have been diagnosed both with BPD and AvPD.

I too didn't think this was possible, as these two disorders seem to be complete opposites. My ex-T used to think I was avoidant, but I never believed a word she said about this subject. In the end I went to a renowned center where they treat personality disorders, did visits with pdoc and tests with a psychologist, and it clearly came out I have both. This said, my main issue is definitely BPD, whilst AvPD is a secondary issue, although not unimportant. I have 5 AvPD criteria, which is maybe not much, but enough to get a diagnosis. The pdoc said I must be torn, because the two disorders are so conflicting and that I must be one who desperately seeks relationships while at the same time desperately avoiding them. Which is exactly the case.