tiny shameful things we face everyday

I have been through a couple of things I see as tiny rejections: - not sure if this is the right word to describe it - shameful situations that make us overthink for days?

- I was asked to help a group of people at college. They have this project in progress and needed suggestions on something specific I happen to be really interested in, even though I'm not a specialist. I was feeling confident to be helpful as one of the teachers involved is nice with me and researches on subjects I'm interested in. When I entered the room she introduced me to everyone, including the other (head-of-the-project) teacher... who didn't recongnize me. She had seen me before other times, we have sit together in an occasion or two (but I don't think I talked very much as she's too outspoken and makes me uncomfortable), still she let out a "oh, you're not from here, are you?". Now I know people who deal with lots of students might forget faces, but I'm far from being a freshman... anyway, that disturbed me for the rest of the presentation (that went well, I must add). I just kept listening to this voice telling me I have no presence, I'm blank and easily forgettable.

- Another teacher is looking for an intern and called two of my colleagues asking if they wanted to join. He always see us together in group works, but I didn't get a call. I e-mailed him about another subject days before and he replied after my acquaintances had received the calls, but never mentioned the internship. I'm wondering if I'm not that good, if I don't stand out (and the requirements for this internship aren basic. Technically, I'm sure I qualify...).
Maybe he didn't say anything because one of my acquaintances asked me, right after they got the call, if I was interested because they would have to decline due to their busy schedule. So he probably mentioned my name and then told I wasn't avaliable (I declined due to my schedule too). I don't know, I really respect this teacher and not being considered for the job even when we have some contact made me feel stupid. I must have done/said something stupid during classes, or maybe I'm not as good as my peers?

I'm overthinking about this for over a week. Damn.

I don't know very well what to tell you in the second situation other than wish you luck in receiving an e-mail if it isn't very late for it.

Regarding the first situation you describe, I would bet it's not the first time something similar happens to you. It's not rare.
It happens to me a lot. Everyday. I think that for our own attitute to be a step backwards in our relation with people, let's say that we don't call the attention others have, many times, even with their own presence alone.
I wouldn't call it rejection bc I don't see from your words that you know this person or she knows you a lot.

I'm always stepping backwards. Always. Actually, being the center of attention is the last thing I want, but I'm a hardworker and it's very frustating to know how much I lose for this. I think it's completely understandable that this happens, I don't even know why I'm ranting.

You're right. I think I kind of see it as rejection because my sister is in the same program I am and she's well related. She tells me everyone compares us from time to time and I've seen it happening before too. She's part of this group I mentioned (what explains why I went there). This teacher has seen me and directed the word to me a couple of times, twice in an very intrusive way. So when she didn't know who I was even knowing my sister...

God! It has to be hard being so close to your sister when people compare you both. Do you know for sure people compare you both? I mean, is it not a thing you do it unconsciously?
I tell you because I used to compare myself with my siblings and not only with them. Everyone was better than me. :-)

I try to avoid now any comparison but this is because I'm better in my skin than before.

Yep, I'm not imagining that it happens. Coming to think of it, it's really stupid. When I see siblings I don't think "Oooh, you're so different. A is so quiet and B is so expansive!". When people do that with me I just give them a confused expression: despite the fact that I must be really weird to get those comments, what did they expect? Clones?

I do compare us a lot. Not necessarily judging me as worse in this situation, because we have a similar drive when it comes to our studies, but in the sense of me being inadequate and all that comes with it, yes (so I end up being 'worse' anyway). Not to mention that my anxiety made me mess up things in my first year, before she had started, so I got some comparisons about this too... which kind of sucked, but I can't blame people as they don't know I have issues. Having her as study partner is actually great because I can finally feel more comfortable and get work done. I was starting to question my capacity and almost freaking out when she got in.

I didn't reply before because I have been living a similar situation to yours those days. How were I be able to tell something with sense when I was feeling so overwhelmed?

I can figure out the situation you describe being at school a year before your sister.

My anxiety also makes me doing things much worse than I'm able.

Please, try to avoid as much as you can, comparing with others. Set your dreams, your goals to achieve them ( each step to get to them) and don't let anything ( neither your mind) appart yourself from your path. Compare you with yourself, the popuri before and the present popuri.

I have two siblings. I'm the oldest one and however I'm the weakling. This is how I call myself bc it's the true. But...the relevant is keep going to be better for others and myself. All of us, are different.

Thank you!

Always expecting the worse makes me react bad to many situations... and being unfair too. It scares me a lot that I fear to be judged, get paranoid about being judge... and that's exactly what I'm doing: judging. I judge myself for not being good enough, I judge other people for treating me like I think they treat me.

The relevant is to keep going, indeed.

In one way or another, we have to learn to think following different patterns.
It's so amazing what our mind can provoke in ourselves, for good or bad.
Susan posted a very interesting link in the introverts group about how our mind ( the fears in it) can paralyzed us.

I think that if we put enough effort, we can learn to think in a different way. I know we have ingrain the "skill" to devaluate ourselves but it mights worth to try to revert the process. Perhaps, beginning with a more real way of percive ourselves and the others. It's the fairest we can do.