[sumowira]

How do you react to it? Are scars or wrinkles okay to you? Do you obsess over them and think you'll be judged by them? Do you have to keep them covered so they can't be seen? Or do you see them as badges of courage? How quickly do you get used to new ones? Do they trigger your avoidance? Do you think they are grotesque on you but fine on other people? Do you feel like you're being excessively vain to worry about them?

[Skeezyks]

As one ages, wrinkles, brown spots, scars, etc. just accumulate like ants at a picnic! It's just the way it is...

[kecanoe]

Wrinkles don't bother me (on me or on others). I don't have any major or super obvious scars, but am not bothered by the ones that I have either. For me, the avoidance is about my insides not my outsides. I am afraid to get close, I don't care so much if people want to avoid me.

[sumowira]

I have a couple new very noticeable scars, and a third I haven't even seen yet. Lots of random people have been commenting on them, asking how I got them, asking what I'm going to do next, etc. They seem to bring out the nurturing side of strangers. It's very hard to blend in, and I feel like I'm constantly being judged for them. I wasn't keen on leaving the house before. Now I feel like walking target practice...

[AllHeart]

As critical of myself as I am, I have actually come to love the conglomeration of freckles (aka age spots) on my face, the few wrinkles, and the scar on my chin and eyebrow. For me, they are reminders that I survived. I fought long and hard to overcome the worst of my mental illnesses and I am still here in my mid-40's. These are my warrior marks and I embrace them. I hope you can learn to embrace your beautiful warrior marks, too.

[sumowira]

Saw the scar. Well, the wound; it's not full healed yet. It's about 8 cm long and definitely of the Frankenstein variety.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by sumowira

How do you react to it? Are scars or wrinkles okay to you? Do you obsess over them and think you'll be judged by them? Do you have to keep them covered so they can't be seen? Or do you see them as badges of courage? How quickly do you get used to new ones? Do they trigger your avoidance? Do you think they are grotesque on you but fine on other people? Do you feel like you're being excessively vain to worry about them?

I am constantly in a low sense of embarrassment re: my facial lines and wrinkles, though they are mostly my own fault...lots of sun exposure since young and earlier smoking. I also have scars on my wrists from self harming and the suture repair, which are even more embarrassing. Yes, they do trigger my avoidance, but I try very hard not to let facial lines/wrist scars run my life. And, no, I don't feel I'm being excessively vain.

I'm going in for surgery tomorrow a.m. for removal of a skin cancer on my L temple. I should be worrying about whether or not I'll need radiation, but I'm more concerned how the scar will look.

If you feel your wrinkles or lines trigger your avoidance, I can only hope you will not let them ruin any part of your life. Play up one part of your face or body that you like. People see my eyes, first, which are my best feature (in the middle of all my lines and wrinkles!!). My eyes are blue and during the few times I smile, people say my eyes smile.

I'm sorry if your appearance has a big impact on your avoidance. Perhaps, when I get older - 66 now - I'll be even more concerned, but perhaps I'll be less avoidant, too. Being avoidant is difficult to treat, but improvements are possible if you want to get closer to others.

[sumowira]

A lot of what looked like was going to be nasty scars have blended in better than anyone expected. A couple - especially the big one - are going to take some time to see how they will end up. And now I'm pretty wrinkly because I was terribly swollen and the skin stretched and hasn't bounced back yet.

My therapist is concerned with how I'm dealing with not looking "right" enough to blend in and be ignored, and all the new people in my life, especially invasive inquisitive strangers. One of my doctors is a former classmate who I haven't seen since high school. Can you imagine?

Good luck with your surgery. Because it's on your face I'm sure they will take extra care to avoid a scar, and in the meantime you could style your hair to cover it. Hopefully a quick surgery will be all it takes for you to be cured.

[ClutterHeadAugust]

Originally Posted by sumowira

How do you react to it? Are scars or wrinkles okay to you? Do you obsess over them and think you'll be judged by them? Do you have to keep them covered so they can't be seen? Or do you see them as badges of courage? How quickly do you get used to new ones? Do they trigger your avoidance? Do you think they are grotesque on you but fine on other people? Do you feel like you're being excessively vain to worry about them?

In my case, my weight has given me a lot of insecurities. I used to be very thin, but over the years, due to isolation, lack of activity and comfort eating, I've gained a bit more than I'm comfortable with. I strongly believe that this has been one of the reasons for my avoidance. There are a lot of deeper, trauma related issues too, though, but I definitely try to hide my own body while walking in the streets etc.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by sumowira

A lot of what looked like was going to be nasty scars have blended in better than anyone expected. A couple - especially the big one - are going to take some time to see how they will end up. And now I'm pretty wrinkly because I was terribly swollen and the skin stretched and hasn't bounced back yet.

My therapist is concerned with how I'm dealing with not looking "right" enough to blend in and be ignored, and all the new people in my life, especially invasive inquisitive strangers. One of my doctors is a former classmate who I haven't seen since high school. Can you imagine?

Good luck with your surgery. Because it's on your face I'm sure they will take extra care to avoid a scar, and in the meantime you could style your hair to cover it. Hopefully a quick surgery will be all it takes for you to be cured.

My sutures are out now...17 of them on my L temple to the outer side of my L eye. The doc did take care, but there is a "tuck" at the corner of the eye that is quite deep. I should be glad that I won't die from cancer, but I recall my reaction to another surgery from years ago that left a noticeable scar on the inside corner of that same eye. I couldn't go to the grocery store w/o having an anxiety attack and leaving my cart full of food in the isle.

I'm trying to convince myself that the "tuck" has not "seasoned" yet, as medical jargon goes. And I guess I can always take out a loan to have corrective surgery. I'll see my therapist on Wednesday for the first time since the sutures were removed. I don't know if he can, or would, write a letter to the insurance company (Medicare and BCBS) indicating how this "tuck" is affecting me psychologically. I don't know that I want him to even consider that action unless I can't function in public. Gosh, I hope I don't start w/the anxiety attacks, again.

[sumowira]

Sounds like it's time to invest in some oversized sunglasses and assume your Hollywood alter ego!

[sumowira]

I start physical therapy tomorrow. Joy of joys, another doctor. And I'm going to have to be touched and manipulated. It's sick, but I kind of hope it's so painful that it will override the psychological discomfort.

Also I got a tattoo consult because I can't handle this scar, it's too triggering. They said yep, it can be covered, and there are designs that can distract from it, though it's a tricky job and it's possible the ink won't take. I need to wait until 3 months post surgery for the skin to heal and the swelling to fully go down.

[Reao]

I wish you well, sumowira.

[sumowira]

Thank you.

[sumowira]

An update:
Yes, physical pain overrides the psychological aspect, nearly to the point of dissociation.
And avoidance demands stoicism which leads to probably more manipulation than should be done.
But the overall effect is after 2 sessions over 3 days there is already obvious improvement.