The Avoidance

Hello

I don't know if it's weird or not, but I actually don't avoid situations or avoid people because I fear being criticized by them. I just fear the anxiety itself and how bad it feels. And actually, I probably fear being criticized by myself, not people, because in the back of my mind I know they're not going to criticize me so badly. Me on the other hand? I tear myself apart every chance I get.

Right now, at this point in my life, I have avoided everything in this world, and I absolutely have nothing. Even college, I don't go there anymore due to extremely distressing anxiety and I have failed this semester because of that. I even drive all the way there to college and instead of actually heading inside, I just sit in the car feeling too anxious to move a toe.

I really want to talk about it, but I just can't. Probably because I keep thinking that a lot of people are going through much more terrible stuff than what I'm going through (even people with AVPD who have it worse than me), which means I don't deserve to talk about it. But then again, that's basically Avoidant Personality Disorder in a nutshell

How about you guys? Do share why you avoid people or new situations! This thread is for all of us, not just for me or about me or about supporting me, it's about us all and how we deal with this disorder differently than each other

I'm wondering, since you're saying over and over again that your issue is anxiety, if you've tried medications to control it? Even if you have a diagnosis of AvPD it's worth giving it a shot, because you could have both an anxiety disorder, which is treatable, and AvPD, which is not. If you could drop your menacing feelings by half, that would be a great relief.

Mind reading is a classic AvPD behavior. So is thinking in terms of the worst case scenario. It's reassuring because if you can handle the worst possible thing, then you know whatever happens you can handle it. But it can be completely paralyzing too.

The way to get around that is kind of like mindfulness. It's basically monitoring your thoughts and realizing when you're having an "avoidant" thought. You might not be able to completely neutralize it, but if you can recognize it's not an "authentic" thought you can give yourself a little distance from it and it won't completely overpower you.

Also, try not to think so black and white about it. It will sound insane, but AvPD is not all bad. And a lot of times being alone is better than being with people who drag you down. I wish I knew how to explain it, and I wish I did a better job of it myself, but try to give yourself permission to give yourself a break. The self-criticism instinct goes very deep, so you really have to dig down to try to curb it.

As far as not having experiences, you have to get really choosy. You can't do everything, so you have to pick what means the most to you and make the effort to do those things. The status quo doesn't apply to avoidants. All those things you're "supposed" to do - ignore them. Even the things you want to do, set them aside. Do what you can do in the way you can do it (online classes maybe?) and learn what works for you so you can build on those techniques in the future and do more of the things you want to do.

I'm not sure if I've made any sense. But especially the idea of an avoidant thought vs a genuine thought, which I'm sure I garbled, that's a huge piece to it. Hopefully someone else can explain it better so it's actually helpful.

The Skeezyks is a reclusive old troll. Don't see anyone & don't go anywhere that isn't necessary. In my case, I'm just a very weird, twisted person &, at this late stage of my life, I just prefer to be left alone. Thank you very much...

Thanks for this post! I enjoyed reading a post which didn’t focus on “medications” (as many know I’m allergic to those )

But then the first response...

I mostly avoid this forum. I have been dxd with AvPD

How is everyone doing? I like your idea of making this thread for all of us

I do not avoid people because i have a low self esteem, fear/anxiety, or the normal reasons for people with avpd. I avoid them because i have extreme paranoia. It causes extreme stress. I think that when people are laughing, they’re laughing at me, i think that people are looking at me/talking about me, that they’re out to get me, and that’s the reason why i hate being in any social situation. I know its completely irrational and nobody actually cares that much about me to do all those things but it doesn’t stop the little voice in my head from telling me its happening. I do go out when i have to, for school, work, and grocery shopping but other than that i do not leave my house. I typically skip school (i have college twice a week and usually only go one day or neither) and i recently quit my job because i couldn’t stand going. Hopefully i’ll find another job soon that’s not as social. I don’t exactly mind being in my house all the time, i have everything i need here usually and its quite comfortable. Im not totally alone, my sister lives with me and i have a cat so its not that bad. Im not sure how useful this information is considering i have another pd overlapping this one so its not the same exact experience as one with only avpd.

Im really glad you posted on here, not many people do partly because of the disorder so its nice to see one every once in awhile

I am partially avoidant partially schizoid, not that anybody has told me that directly as a diagnosis (and I agree that it's better not to rotulate someone when you don't have to - the doctor never told me).

I do many small avoidant behaviors without noticing, but one of the big first ones, at high school I use to hide myself inside the bathroom during breaks...15minutes looking at the walls, writing in the walls.

I’m almost certain I’ve done many small avoidant behaviours without noticing. The bathroom is a big issue for me

I completely agree that over diagnosing any disorder usually does little but harm

Sometimes I feel that I would be doing “better” if I had continued to avoid, deny
etc my symptoms and pain and never consulted a doctor

I first had panic attacks when reading aloud in class (that was ignored .. I was too ? Shamed etc to try to talk to anyone about this ..)

Thank you all for replying Hoping whatever crisis you all have soon gets resolved and to have all the patience for it