Talking to others like me

Did you all find an outlet to chat? That's kind of why I signed up here. I've not been diagnosed (Not sure i trust therapists). After much reading, I am 100% certain I have always suffered from AvPD.

I'm a functional sufferer, and hold a job that requires a whole lot of interpersonal activities. I manage, but it is getting much more difficult. When I am not at work, I dread just stepping out the door for fear that a neighbor will waive. On the weekends, lately I have found sanctuary in my basement pacing until I am ready to collapse.

Anyhow, my self diagnosis has been eye opening to find others that are living with the same fears that I have. I wish I could find someone to have conversations about this or anything; with less judgement.

It would be nice to have a support group for this even if on Zoom or chat group.

Hello Craving alone: I noticed this is your first post here on MSF. Welcome to the forums. I hope you find them to be of benefit.

I think many of us, here on MSF, struggle with some level of avoidance. I know I certainly do. I'm elderly now & pretty-much just keep to myself. But for years I, like you, held jobs that required a lot of interpersonal activity. And I also managed until it all unraveled at around age 50. Since then, I have become increasingly solitary, by choice. I just prefer to keep to myself.

Anyway, I'm glad you've found your way here to MSF. There's a lot of support that can be available here. My best wishes to you...

Hi craving alone,

welcome to the forums! Pacing the Basement till you collapse seems really painful. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.
I'm diagnosed schizoid pd, and find therapy to be a calm space. Why don't you trust therapist? I didn't either, for the longest time, of course. Not judging, btw. Just wondering.

Stay safe

Hi, craving alone and welcome! I know we have other people with avpd here. It's just a matter of having them post. I know what it's like to have other people to talk to with my same disorder. (I'm bipolar.) Talking to a therapist just isn't the same, although I've found it helpful.

Please feel free to post anywhere else here, too. We have all sorts of games, even, if you like those--and of course, we are anonymous, which is great.

This is the place.

Thank you everyone. When I said that I didn't trust Therapists, that was probably too strong. I probably should have said that I don't think a therapist could understand my thoughts as well as I could. I already know what my struggles are. My primary physician has prescribed meds, but I don't take them and really when I tried I didn't notice anything different or improvement. So they just sit in the medicine cabinet.

What keeps me going everyday is just hope that I can find my groove. I've been a single primary father to my daughter who is now approaching her Senior year in H.S. Once she is finished and I have paid for her college, I hope to be able to cash out and move out past the suburbs into a rural life. Maybe buy a farm or an orchard, or something that allows me to continue to live without so much interpersonal tasks and work presentations that cause my panic. It's all probably a dream, but looking ahead to a brighter future is how I cope.

I appreciate all of the responses here! It's comforting to know that I am not alone in thought. I hope everyone here has lots of great days ahead!!

That sounds really peaceful. I'd come along, but two's a crowd^^ I dream of a place far off, filled with books and a small stream near by. No people within a day or two. Hard to come by, in Europe. Easier in the US. It's good of you to put your Kid's needs above your own, even though it is this painful. When can you make your dream a reality? I'm not from the US and don't really know how long College takes.

My T always says he cannot read my mind. That I am the expert when it comes to me. He's just there to help me gain a little bit of a shift in perspective. No leaps, no demands, nothing of the sort. A very gentle process.

I'm thinking 5 years tops; 1 year of public school and 4 years of college. Maybe sooner, if the stock market and my retirement account does well *the way 2021 is going maybe a lot longer *

Even as a 17 year old, she's still at the age where she is telling me she is never going to move out. I'm sure that attitude will soon change. Even if it doesn't, I can manage.... things could be a lot worse than that!

A place far off, filled with books and a small stream- that sounds heavenly!

Yes, it does sound heavenly.

My father always said he'd throw me out if I still lived there at a certain age (which I don't think he ever actually specified). I'm sure she'll leave at some point

I love the fantasy, but I do wonder at the reality. That far off, maybe even I would get lonely. While distance is safer for me, I do have phases where I socialize more. But I guess I could just go live in a hostel for a little while, if it came to that^^

I am on vacation the next 2 weeks and I am not taking this laptop. I will not reply for that time, in case you're wondering

That sounds..... lonely.

The most painful thing about AvPD is feeling unworthy/incapable of having any relationships, but still deeply longing for those connections. As much as I want to run away to somewhere quiet a lot of the time, I would be so lonely and miserable on my own.