Nine Years!

cmorales · Jan 15, 2016, 03:12 AM

Today (Jan 14 -okay, by the time this is posted it will be Jan 15, but whatever) is my friend's birthday - Facebook told me so. So? What does this have to do with bipolar, specifically success stories? Well, let me tell you a story!

I have been bipolar my entire adult life, with my manic break coming at age 13(1998) and the delusions starting at 14 (1999). At 19 (2004) I had a complete mental breakdown and everything was downhill from there. I began drinking a lot more after that. 2005, 2006 and 2007 were exceptionally hellish for me as I was rapid cycling as it were and then on top of that the alcohol made my episodes soooooo much worse!

In January 2007 a bunch of friends and I headed up to Mammoth Mountain for aforementioned friend's birthday. I don't ski or snowboard, I just went to hang out (and drink). We were all super excited for the trip, but of course the crazy guy (me) had to go and ruin it.

The first night we got there, I hit a whole new level of low. Basically, I got really, really, really, really, really drunk and, after everybody had gone to bed (as, I had stayed up drinking alone), I took a butcher knife and held it before me, desperately seeking the courage to do myself in. "Luckily," my intoxicated mind was racing so fast, having an internal debate, that I couldn't do it. Okay, I really credit the part of my brain responsible for controlling my arms for me being alive today.

This internal struggle manifested externally through my vocalization of the debate and my crying, which woke up some people, specifically my buddy who I tried to get to kill me (he wouldn't).

Back then, I was mess, as you could no doubt tell. I was undiagnosed and untreated; self-mediating and didn't think I would live to see 25.

Nine years later, I am in treatment, relatively stable (though I did recently have an episode of hypomania back in late-September to late-November), and in just one month and one day, I will be 31!

My medication has made me a happier person overall, taken away a lot of anxiety and therapy is such a boost! I'm still such a long way from where I want to be in life, but I think it's safe to say, I'm on my way!

Stay positive people! It will never fully go away, but it can get (if even just a little bit) better. Best wishes to you all!