The Eye of the Storm

LadyShadow · Aug 08, 2024 at 12:20 PM

I just made a blog post I want to share that I consider a bipolar success story. I don't know if you all have followed my story, but I have been on this site for well over a decade off and on and have gone through so many storms in my life.

You have all always been so supportive and kind, and brutally honest, which is all I could ever ask. And as I sit here in the midst of mother nature's fury, I have been very contemplative, and just grateful of all the things that have transpired in my life.

I hope you enjoy my little blog post, and I hope my success helps you in some small way. : )

In The EYE of the STORM

How would my blog change the world? With one epiphany and one nugget of truth at a time. Today’s epiphany is awareness – mostly awareness of how powerless we all really are in the face of mother nature and the world. I know for a fact that I am powerless over alcohol, (thank you Step 1 of AA), but as the winds whip on my window and the rain pounds down in all of Debby’s rage – I realize the more control I let go of, the more at peace I will be.

I am very scared right now, and I was for most of the night last night. I am all alone here in my house, with no real defense against an attack of this magnitude, one of which I can’t control but I just have to ride out. I have faced so many catastrophes in my life, and I have always persevered, one of which was Hurricane Sandy when I lived in New York. I have to say, nothing is mightier than the Hand of God to remind you just how small you really are.

The nugget in this blog that will change the world today? A message of hope – just hope. This world seems so bereft of that idea, or that it even exists. When I knocked on God’s door for an answer, (Matthew 7:7 and Luke 11:9), he didn’t answer, for a very long time. I knocked and I knocked for close to 15 years and was met with what I thought was silence. Back and forth in the mental institutions did I find myself, drowning in a bottle of booze, unable to even hold a job, say nothing of even dreaming of the independence I have today, or a future for myself. How did I overcome that? A major shift, a major change, God answering the door and allowing me to walk out of the darkness. But it came with a price. I did fall in love, the one thing I had been waiting for, for so long and so many years, scouring the online dating world with no luck whatsoever. My husband had finally come and swept me off of my feet, leading me on an adventure of sex, drugs, incarceration and humiliation, that would change my life forever – it ultimately led me to the salvation that I am experiencing today.

Salvation, hope, surrender, redemption and ultimately forgiveness – those are the messages that will change the world, the messages that I am trying to convey. As I have been typing this, my phone went from screaming extreme tornado warnings, and dangerous rain and wind, to a calm like none I have felt since this storm first landed. I know that’s when tornadoes usually strike, but I can face it now, alone and strong, more than I ever could during the winds of Hurricane Sandy when I was drunk and broken so many years ago.

As the storms of my life have raged, so have the storms of nature. and I cannot tell you what it’s like to finally know peace after so much turmoil. perpetual heartbreak and disappointment. The only thing that turned it around was one simple thing, one simple act, one simple belief: Faith. Not only in God, but more in myself. Interesting that the lights just flickered as I typed that, and my heart just jumped a bit.

Checkmate.

The battle to win the storm may still be going, but at least I know the battle for my soul is won.

Stay tuned.

SquarePegGuy · Aug 08, 2024 at 08:13 PM

You can find much comfort in your faith -- I couldn't do that.

You didn't write about it here, but you had your parents' support IIRC. That's a blessing.

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SquarePegGuy Grand Member Member Since Mar 2020 Location: Northeastern USA Posts: 810 4 128 hugs given	Aug 08, 2024 at 08:13 PM #2 You can find much comfort in your faith -- I couldn't do that. You didn't write about it here, but you had your parents' support IIRC. That's a blessing. __________________ Major Depressive Disorder; Sleep Apnea; possibly on the spectrum Nuvigil 50mg; Effexor 37.5mg Wellbutrin 150mg; meds for blood pressure & cholesterol
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