[klnoble]

My 25 year old has bipolar type 2 and I am often at a loss as to how to deal with many of her issues. I have been patient and loving and supportive, but I'm wondering if I have been too patient.

Many people tell me I should kick her out to live on her own. My thinking is that this would be far worse. We supported her living with her boyfriend and then on her own for several years. She never figured out what to do with herself and now we're broke. She is back at home and planning to go to the local community college. She is very bright but stresses out about school stuff unless I am around to calm her down and get her focused. We sent her to Arizona to school and she managed to complete 6 credits. She'd finished all of the work for the rest of her 1st semester courses but had an anxiety attack at the very end. She just didn't bother to go to class during the 2nd semester. She now has the debt to deal with. She left Arizona and didn't bother to turn in the cable box, which ended up costing us $600 bucks. We just coughed up $500 to California to get her driver's licensed released! Are these typical things that happen to folks with bipolar disorder. Am I unrealistic expecting her to get better at dealing with this stuff?

[fergusmccallister]

think the easy out sometimes is too blame everything on bipolar and I don't think that is the case. She could just be an irresponsible 25 year old that happens to have bipolar....I'm not a therapist though. Good luck!

...I'm bipolar II and have held the same job for 11 years but everyone is different.

[gravyyy]

Welcome to PsychCentral!!!

I am 26 with bipolar 2 and have had struggles but slightly different than what your daughter is going through it seems. I managed to get my bachelors degree with little difficulty but when I started back for my Master's degree I have had to start and stop depending on my symptoms. I had to drop 2 courses one summer which cost me over $6000. On the other hand, I have managed to stick with my responsibilities at work and at home. I have lived on my own now for 5 years and haven't needed to be asking my family for help at all.

My point with this is everyone is different. My parents instilled in me very young the sense of responsibility. I had a pet to take care of 100% growing up, started working at 16, and was required to pay for my undergraduate degree because I didn't do well enough in high school. Even when Bipolar Disorder took effect when I was in a different state and away from my family, the one thing that always got me up and out of bed was my responsibilities to work and to keeping up my apartment. Your daughter may have different ideals and maybe she hasn't found that one thing in her life she needs to keep her motivated and moving in a positive direction forward.

I don't want to give you advice per se, but from my professional experience sometimes it works if you set more boundaries... for example, you decide what she needs to do for you to tolerate her behavior, maybe that's get a job working at least 20 hours per week, actively participate in therapy and take prescribed meds (you didn't mention if she's on meds or in therapy at this point). If it's important to you that she get a degree, maybe you want to set the limit that she has to take at least 1 class per term - I caution against this one only because Bipolar II often causes cognitive difficulties until stable so it may not be realistic that she can take a class right now. You don't mention possible substance abuse/alcoholism which is a different aspect as well. Basically it sounds like she's skating through life with you cleaning up the mess and it doesn't seem like that's working for either of you right now. She probably feels like crap and you may be experiencing frustration and anger and disappointment and other feelings related to her behavior. You're not unrealistic expecting her to get better necessarily. It is possible with the right limits and the right treatment. It's really hard work to get better but it is possible.

I truly wish you luck in dealing with this. It's a hard, hard situation that doesn't have a clear cut solution. I hope you don't take my posting the wrong way... I am just trying to show you the opposite side of the disorder where things are going decently. I believe she can turn things around. I also think she needs your help to do that, but she does have to own this and realize her responsibilities. She can't do that if you correct all her mistakes. Good luck and I wish you well. Post here as often as you need!!!

[phoenix47baby]

Everyone is different. You could possibly give her more responsibility around the house and let her know it is required in order to live under your roof. Just an idea.......