[Waterfalling]

I'm a very open and accepting, non judgmental person. I love people for who they are and have great respect for others who lead challenging lives because I guess I resonate with them... would be a good way to put it.

I've been dating a wonderful guy that is a little bit 'different' than most people. He laughs because one of the first things I said to him was that I was 'different' and he said he was too I also have had that 'different' feeling for most of my life because I have psychic abilities which apparently freak men out. (they've told me) So I thought maybe we'd get along. We have lots of things in common and he is very intellectual. (I kind of like nerdy guys
I've started to notice things/behaviors that I don't understand and I don't know if they are from the bipolar or if they are just the way he is. He kind of reminds me of a 'mad professor' at times. Which I do find endearing and fascinating.

Other times he's like a child that can't take care of himself and gets food all over himself, picks his nose and at his body. Exaggerates about poking a finger or little bumps on his legs etc. things that I wouldn't even acknowledge and I find it curious. He'll yell and jump a round for a bit because of pinching a finger a bit for instance.

but mostly he's a businessman in a high position and very self assured.

he has admitted that he has a 'thing' for younger pretty women and is working on how he 'leers' at them when we're out in public. He said he didn't understand he was doing this until I brought it up ..because he would sometimes be off in another world and not even aware that I was there talking to him. I'd have to get his attention back.

A couple of days ago I had asked him not to do something in an interest group that I run at work. He has been attending because he is interested too.
It involved not making 'out of group' contact with group members because it had caused problems before... and so he did exactly what I had asked him not to with a younger, pretty female, new member that same night.

Now he says he can't understand what I'm upset about and so he doesn't want to see me or talk to me... he needs 'time alone' to understand why I am so mad....in the same breath he talks about how communication is so important to him...

needless to say I'm confused....
I'm probably one of those women who 'care' too much.... which is why I ended up in a few abusive relationships. at least now I'm questioning things and trying to see issues as they really are.

So what do you guys think (sorry my question mark key does not work

Water

[Yoda]

Holy cow! There is so much going on with him that is really difficult to know what I would do in your situation.

On the one hand I am pretty eccentric myself but I have learned to embrace that. My son is the same. My son has ADHD and now bipolar and like me he is eccentric. I remember his first grade teacher remarking that she found my son's uniqueness delightful and enjoyed his contributions to her class. My son was clearly unusual from a very early age but I was well into adulthood before I realized how unusual I was.

Your new friend sounds interesting for sure. Where do you and he go from here? I think you need more time and more experiences with him to say.

I am not sure what to think. I guess if I had that situation I would probably start by sitting down and making a pros and cons list of what you like and don't like with your experiences so far.

Clearly communication is going to be a big factor in how your relationship progresses and it sounds like you have some good communication skills on your side but I don't know if he is receptive and understands you and wonder if he has enough communication skills on his end to work things out.

Being bright is always a good asset but there are social skills necessary to function at different levels and it sounds like he may have some deficits that impede his ability to communicate and interact. Can he learn? Perhaps. I remember when I was in my early twenties I was taking a paramedic class and though I was bright and understood the concepts easily my instructor took me aside near the end of the class and said that she was concerned because I seemed to have problems interacting with the other students and in the clinical area and she was afraid that I was not competent to perform as a paramedic even though I was bright. I ended up taking a sociology class and learned so much about communication and social skills that I was able to improve my ability to interact dramatically and later became a RN and my board scores were in the top 1% in the nation and I became an expert critical care nurse. One year I was the nurse consultant to oversee a paramedic program and I enjoyed teaching the paramedic students. I don't know if I could have been that successful without my paramedic instructor's awareness and telling me that I had a serious problem.

Basically what I am saying is that I needed that reality check from my instructor to make me aware of my deficits so that I could then improve my communication skills. I was able to learn what I lacked and now am functioning at a higher level but it took effort, study and self awareness.

My psychiatrist tells me that I am crazier than a loon. I just laugh because he is right but I always have been a loon and always will be but I found my niche in life and I became a high functioning loon.

So perhaps you are the reality check that your friend needs. It is up to him to process that and choose to seek to improve his own deficits. I hope he can.

I hope this makes sense. I am struggling with my ADHD today so I wonder if I am contributing anything useful or not. Some days are like that.