[ariatboot]

I found this sight very recently and have been too shy to post. But here goes...Basically, a year ago I was hospitalized for an attempted suicide. I spent 72 hours in my states custody and was sent home with an appointment with my counselor. Since then I have started seeing a psychiatrist who diagnosed me as having Bipolar II. I am currently taking Seroquel and Wellbutrin but lately I feel like it’s not helping. My moods are somewhat stable but the thoughts that happened last summer before the hospitalization have resurfaced. I’m afraid to go back to my counselor, as he released me as saying I was fine about 5 months ago and didn’t need any more help. This was after over a year in counseling. I’m very confused and really don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any kind of ideas on how to get through this for a second time without having to be hospitalized again?

[amaviena]

If you have BP, you need therapy continuously. You don't just "have enough" and get better. It stays with you. Find a doctor who will help.

[spiritual_emergency]

Michelle: My moods are somewhat stable but the thoughts that happened last summer before the hospitalization have resurfaced.

I can only presume that you were depressed last summer and your depression contributed to your suicide attempt. If I were you, I think what I'd do would be to try and conduct an informal assessment on myself. I'd ask myself, did my depression have an actual cause or was life going along fantastically, in spite of which, I was still terribly depressed.

If my depression was related to life circumstances, I'd pursue psychotherapy. Maybe it was back because I hadn't actually dealt with the life challenges that contributed to my depression in the first place. I don't know what kind of therapy you had but there are different kinds; maybe you would benefit more from a different kind.

If my depression was seemingly totally unrelated to life circumstances and I found medication to be helpful, I might consider a change to my medication. However, I'd also look at non-medicinal approaches since medication can only do so much on its own.

No matter what, I'd also want to ensure at least one person in my daily, face-to-face reality was aware I felt I was slipping so if I quickly went down, there'd already be someone there to provide a hand-up.

I’m afraid to go back to my counselor, as he released me as saying I was fine about 5 months ago and didn’t need any more help.

If you found that individual and their form of therapeutic treatment to be helpful, give them a call. Maybe you were fine five months ago. That doesn't mean you have to feel fine now. If you didn't find them helpful, see if you can connect with another therapist. It's probably best to do this sooner rather than later.

Does anyone have any kind of ideas on how to get through this for a second time without having to be hospitalized again?

- One issue to consider is what sort of care might you require if you stayed home as opposed to going to the hospital? Some form of caregiver support will likely become necessary. Do you have a spouse or family member who can provide care in the home should you require it? If not, you could also attempt to create a care team by drawing on friends and family members.

- Another alternative might be to consider a day-program. Depending on your community resources you might be able to find something that you attend throughout the day but return home at night. As another possibility, your community might offer a professional nurse or social worker that will visit you in your home on a daily basis.

- You can also research now to see if there are any alternatives to psychiatric hospitalization in your area, such as residences, hostels or private clinics. Local support groups, mental health clinics or mental health hotlines might be able to offer you some information in that regard.

- It would also likely be helpful to develop a plan, such as an advanced directive, in case hospitalizaion becomes unavoidable. In all cases, it's probably best that you enter the hospital on a voluntary basis as opposed to allowing the situation to escalate to the degree that forced treatment could be imposed. Discuss this matter with your caregivers so they have some idea of what you consider critical enough to require immediate hospitalization.

Best of luck to you.

~ Namaste

.

[thinker22]

I agree with the others. Bipolar (I have type I, but am mostly depressed, not manic) is a manageable, but life long illness. Most of us require meds and ongoing therapy for life. Don't get down on yourself for feeling bad again. It goes with the territory. It doesn't sound like you are on the right meds combo, and you need someone to talk to about your feelings, whether it's a friend temporarily or a professional for long-term help. Bottling it up and repeating "I'm cured they said" as a mantra doesn't work. I remember when they released me from the hospital they gave me a one sided zerox titled "Emotional Crisis." It was so laughably stupid I only read two lines. Yeah, sure. Sometimes I think that our healthcare system is trying to kill the mentally and physically ill so they can save money. However, we're the ones paying their salary. I don't know how much money my insurance has paid out, but it's too much for what little they've done to help me. My school's clinic provides better service at a lower cost than most of these pricey docs and hospitals.

Long story short. Get help. Suicidal thoughts don't go away on their own. I know. I was hallucinating and terrified that something was going to kill me if I fell asleep after the traumatic hospital visit. Only meds helped that.

From a sometime New Yorker, we're all neurotic, we all have strange thoughts, but if you get the urge to act on 'em, that's when ya gotta be worried and go to the shrink. That's what they're there for.