[Berries]

The antipsychotic I was on, prolixin injections, was causing me to have involuntary facial tics. So, my new pdoc took me off it and increased my seroquil to replace it. I can tell the difference now and it’s not good. I will give it some more time and hope that is all it needs and will start working as well as prolixin did.
I have no life. I am consumed by my illnesses. I ruminate and obsess constantly. And I feel like I have been lying about my symptoms to doctors for 25 years. I feel I should stop taking my meds because I don’t deserve them and don’t really need them. But everyone else feels differently. My mom and my bff and my treaters all think I am sick and need meds. It is very distressing to have these thoughts and I am sure adds to my depression.
Also, I just moved here last September and left all my routines and structure behind and now I have nothing to do.
I am working on that though. I am applying for 2 different volunteer jobs. But all I want to do is sleep (peacefully).
The nightmares went away with the prolixin shots and now they are slowly coming back.
I miss my old pdoc.
I am gaining weight because of the other meds I’m on.
AND Social Security is currently deciding whether to formally review my disability status. If I lose my health insurance, I am in a big jam. My meds cost about $850 a month, not to mention therapy and pdoc appointments’ costs. And if I get physically sick, I am just screwed.

[thinker22]

Sorry to hear you're going through so much. You deserve a break already.

I don't know anything about prolixin, but I do hate seroquel. It makes me tired and weak and my legs shaky. Certainly involuntary facial tics is a serious issue and I understand why they took you off that med. The seroquel has kept away most of my nightmares, but not the invasive day images that make me shudder. I'm too tired as it is to consider upping it right now, as the p-nurse suggested, or adding lithium to the mix. Not excited about that option either.

With this illness, structure and schedules do seem to help. Easier said than done, right? When you're super depressed or confused due to your meds, how can you get out a chart and start organizing your day or week? It's like, why should I care? I don't want to get out of bed. These days I'm just happy if I can make a meal, water the plants and come online. Reading a page or two in a book is a plus, but doesn't always happen.

The solution may be somewhere in between being overdrugged and taking no meds at all. It does sound like you're on some heavy duty things. Perhaps try to find just 2-3 with your doc that solve the most symptoms with the least side effects (that's what I'm going for anyway...I'll let you know if it ever works out. nurse wants to take me off my anti-depressant, but i doubt i would have any energy without it.)

As for insurance, crossing my fingers for healthcare reform, but I doubt we'll see the kind of change we need for another decade or more. These bills get so horribly compromised going through Congress. I've applied for my state's insurance plan which is designed for low income people. Last year I made too much, this year I might qualify because like the rest of us in the 18-35 age bracket, my hours got cut by 2/3rds. If that's the case I can see docs for free on their list! And I can get free mental health appts w/county p-docs and meds too. Right now I get mostly free meds from my student health center via patient assistance (direct from the manufacturer if you're relatively poor). Prior to being at this college I had no insurance from age 23-28. This country's health system is designed only for the rich and to kill the poor or else make them wind up in hospitals and have to file for bankruptcy (unless you're of course illegal and impossible to track down...that's the key...just go to the hospital w/out any id Then they'll kick you out on skid row after 2 days). I'm so pissed about how glib those ***hole politicians are on both sides of the aisle about any changes to the system because of the insurance and AMA lobbyists. They make money while we get sick and die. The only preexisting condition is their corruption.

Enough of my rant. If you're gaining weight, that's a serious side effect since it can cause heart problems, joint pain and diabetes, so discuss it w/your doc and ask him or her what meds will do the same thing but speed up your metabolism? Wellbutrin has done that for me, but I know most bipolar people aren't supposed to get on anti-ds until they're stable. They thought I was unipolar when I was started on it last year.

Maybe see if there are other insurance programs you can add...like a state one to make up for anything your other sources don't pay for or if they get cut off (wrongly obviously in your case...budget cuts are a *****).

So, I have a barely life and I empathize. Don't get down on yourself for feeling like you have "no life." It's the illness and not your fault. You're doing everything you can to get better and that's a full time job. And yes, volunteering with animal shelters and the like can be helpful and healing. But don't push yourself too hard if you don't feel ready. Once the meds get sorted out, you'll be thinking a little clearer and feel less overwhelmed.

Stay in touch. Wishing you peaceful sleep.

[dreamsofflight]

I'm on SSA disability, too. Some pharm companies are *********s about helping with meds. Astra Zeneca (Seroquel and...???) is wonderful if you're taking any of their meds.
If you are and need more info I can help. Good luck with SSA I'll be up soon. I'm scared, too. I need to stay on it so bad. I wish I could get off it and get a job, but there is NO way I can now. Maybe in a couple more years???