[amaviena]

I can't sleep. It's been like this for days. Pdoc appointment in 16 days. 16 days without real sleep scares me. I had some spare ambien I took with 2 mg klonopin. No good. I won't do that again. Looked up all the side effects. Nothing. Called my doctor friend who laughed at me and told me to have fun washing my car and cleaning my room all night. SO I cried because I have been cleaning my room all night. I think maybe I need some diazepam, but I don't think my doctor will give it to me. Oh well. Maybe he'll have a better idea. I'm a bit manic. I don't know what to do. My friend said, "Just sleep." If it were so easy I'd already be there. So I cleaned my room, and I'm painting my nails and all of this energy has to wind down soon, I know it. Bipolar sucks.
please look at my webpage, thinker, indiangiver.vox.com

[amaviena]

scratch that--this is mania. DAMMIT.

[thinker22]

That's terrible that you can't see someone sooner. Seeing the p-doc yesterday greatly improved my mood. I've been doing projects almost non-stop for 16 hours a day for the past 2 weeks. I hate feeling this out of control with my raging thoughts and compulsions to do stuff. So I completely relate. Only had 1st small dose of Abilify last night, but hasn't done anything yet. Still manic (not like I expected it to). Not much sleep last night. Still climbing out of my skin nervous energy.

Is there anyone else you can see before your appt? I feel for you.

[amaviena]

seeing pdoc tomorrow at 1:45pm...hopefully before I get too crazy. I cleaned my entire room, threw things out. read most of Burrough's Junky, played games, tried sleeping 6 or 9 times...Got nil, nothing, zilch. Been like this for three days. Oh well. Maybe he can give me something to wind me down...

[thinker22]

How'd the appointment go? I'll check back after the concert. Have to run. Hugs!

[amaviena]

appt isn't until tomorrow. tdoc today.

[xxWant2Escapexx]

Originally Posted by amaviena

appt isn't until tomorrow. tdoc today.

nice webpage you have....you are very good at writing poetry

[thinker22]

Wait, you write poetry? I wonder if that's common. I wrote hundreds of poems in my heyday. Since the depression very few, but i'm starting to get ideas again.

I'd love to read it. I don't know where I'd post mine. A few of them are on a member website that is free for readers and reviewers but costs an annual fee to post things. Sounds bad, but it's actually good because only serious motivated people are on there. Not to say they're all great. Some are lame and have a complex thinking no one can say anything about their writing without them getting defensive instead of taking advice about how their piece can be improved. That's another story though.

Hope your appt tomorrow goes well. How was therapy? I see now that you wrote "tomorrow" at like 1am. I always assume that something around 11-1 still counts as the previous day, but you're correct.

Concert wasn't bad, but performer not at her best. I have therapy tomorrow. I wish I wasn't still manic. I'm getting worn out.

Sorry to b & m on your thread. I do that a lot.

Hope you're okay.

[amaviena]

wasn't therapy. who knew 567 true false questions could suck so much? sorry about the day mix up. I haven't been sleeping. I like it when you b&m. that means I can too! I use vox.com to post my poetry because its free. I'm thinking about getting published. MY MUSCLES HURT so badly. I wish I were asleep. There's a book called Touched with Fire that is about the correlation between madness/bipolar and art/writing. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to get something so I can sleep. Its an emergency appointment. MANIAAAAAA oh MANIAAAAAAA...get lost -.- Please do read my poetry! webpage is indiangiver.vox.com
<3, A
P.S. when will we ever be free?

[thinker22]

I don't know.

Still manic too. Just taking my meds and avoiding alcohol and trying to get SOME sleep. Strange, my muscles all kill too. It's almost like they've tensed up from me feeling like I am going to burst out of my skin. Tada! It's me post-Predator skinning. Okay, that's my weird sense of humor.

I have touched with fire. It's really cool and helpful. I've been on page 100-109 for weeks now though! Can't concentrate. Keep rereading old paras. But they're all good. There's an index in the back with all of the writers, poets, painters, sculptors, etc. who probably had bipolar and whether they were ever institutionalized or attempted you know what.

The charts and genealogies are fabulous. I started to make one of my own on the back page. I think I'll put it into the computer as one of my projects today until therapy. Some of the studies show the most likely months when bipolar people will become manic vs. those where many become depressive. It's totally not when you'd think, especially for major depressive disorder. Without my ever having read it before, mine have mostly if not always corresponded with these monthly spikes. I'll say something on Sept 1st that I can't say here, so I'll leave you with that ambiguity.



And why were you answering 567 T/F questions? Sorry you're having such a bad spell right now. Hope you get some relief soon.

[amaviena]

I took a test called the MMPI so I can see, in print, what I have and what my issues are. Still less than 4 hours sleep.