[thinker22]

Almost "normal" good, whatever that means. My brain hasn't felt this way perhaps ever. The sensation is so strange, calming, not a high, not a drugged feeling, that my mind just told me to stop taking my meds. WTF? Why would I do that when I feel so stable even if it is momentary?

Anyone else have this experience? Not sure where I am on the spectrum, because I was still fairly manic with thoughts and jitteriness today. It's just been a short while the feeling has changed. I feel grounded, but a sense of well being. This feels too good to be true.

[amaviena]

the word is euthymia.

[bridgie]

I have felt that many times. I think that is why I have been on and off meds so many times. Keep going with it though. It only gets harder if you don't.

[thinker22]

Logically I knew that the thought made no sense. But this "euthymia" continues. I really hope I won't have another episode again. That I've found the right combo, etc. But it's probably too early to tell. Yay for the moment anyway.

[Berries]

I personally hate feeling euthymic!

It triggers me to no end as far as being med compliant and treatment compliant and pushes me to self-destruct.

I hate depression too. I hate hypomanic/irritable.

If only I could be hypomanic/euphoric all the time!!!!!! It would be heaven on earth...( well duh Berries!)

[thinker22]

Still feeling good, but I get drowsy after I eat. Can't nap though. I made it through the first lunch with the parents. I'm having a hard time sitting still and my train of thought/speech is going kind of fast, and I'm also forgetting what I was talking about because the tangents are like a pinball machine. But they didn't say anything about it. In fact, my dad was getting all tangential.

I'm wondering if they're both latent bipolar/artistic. My mom thinks she was born left handed but her grandmother thought "lefthandedness was of the devil" and so forced her to use her right hand. She says she feels her brain is off balance and she had depression, fatigue, pain and long sleeping spells when I was growing up. She took an art class a few years back and had perfect skill with mixing colors. I'm right to center brained, but also right handed.

My dad is often tangential and never tells us how he jumped from one idea to another. Sometimes one of his legs gets all jittery. His dad had wild mood swings from being charming and happy to an angry, violent drunk. But for the most part my dad was a math geek in college. He tells me that he took up watercolors once and was quite good at it (first I heard of this was today).

I get my perfectionism from my dad. I get my right brainedness and easy going attitude toward most things (other than school & work) from my mom. Lots of anxiety, phobias, rare genetic problems on one side of the family and OCD, NPD, heart problems on the other; and both sides have mood disorders and alcoholism. Pretty much, I was screwed from the start. I figure my aunt and 2 of my cousins are bipolar as well. Probably my dad's dad was too. I'm making a mood disorder family chart just like I saw for the writers and poets in K. R. Jamison's book, Touched w/Fire. It's looking pretty grim. I think it's kinda funny, but I have a twisted sense of humor...either that or I'm in denial.

Okay, so dinner and the play are coming up soon. I'd better relax some and then get ready. So drowsy still.

Thanks everyone as always for your comments/thoughts.

PS, I'm still taking my meds. Trying to find a container for them for tonight. Hmm...washed out contact case? I don't wear them, but my mate does.

[thinker22]

Originally Posted by Berries

I personally hate feeling euthymic!

It triggers me to no end as far as being med compliant and treatment compliant and pushes me to self-destruct.

I hate depression too. I hate hypomanic/irritable.

If only I could be hypomanic/euphoric all the time!!!!!! It would be heaven on earth...( well duh Berries!)

Sorry to hear that Berries. I like being hypomanic euphoric too. I feel good, but mellow, yet my brain is still going too fast for my body. Hooray for dopamine receptors. :P