Panicing! Scared! Help!

I meet with a vocational counselor or Friday. I got tired of relying on social services to provide for myself when I know I can do it. I can get away from the things I see everyday:

drug abuse/addiction, sociopath's trying to screw with my mind, stress over not being able to pay my bills, seeing the homeless everywhere (so depressing). It's like the people threw themselves away or something. In a way, I feel like I have done that as well.

I don't want to have to rely on social services. I know I can work again. I have an appointment with a vocational counselor on Friday...Friday cannot get here soon enough. I feel like I am dying inside and it feels terrible.

I don't even feel like I am living my life...just stagnating. Can't stand it!

I need to hear from some people who can give me some hope. I am a highly trained administrative assistant that has worked in various fields. Haven't worked in three years. I'd even take a minimum wage job right now to pull me out of this.

If anyone has ever felt like this, I'd like to hear from you. Or at least get some encouragement from others.

Can anyone help?

Love,
Ladywolf

Hi NF,

Sorry you're panicking. That is not fun. I am an admin asst/data entry type all around computer person. I've worked all kinds of odd jobs since age of 18 (even earlier, but not worth mentioning). I rarely can last more than 3 months full time (did 4 months once) and more than a year part time (did that 2x). My current job of 2 years has been the longest. Other than the farm and a couple of retail jobs, I've done computer work and I like it.

Whenever I have to quit or lose a job I feel terrible, but often it's because I'm moving to a new state (related to my illness...I love to leave things behind, recklessly travel, etc.)

So I relate, and I've gone a few years since 18 without a job at all, like 19-20, 22-23, parts of '04 and '05. It sucks to feel beholden to others whether it's the gov or your partner.

I was out all day, so sorry I didn't see your notes until now. I did get to see my p-doc on an emergency appt though. I have new meds. Feel a little relieved. Still haven't been sleeping well. Argh. Too much energy, but my body is wanting to rebel and crash, despite my humming brain.

TTY tomorrow.

You be safe, okay?

I will be safe. Sent u an email on facebook. I hope your new meds kick in for you soon and do what they are suppose too. I will let you know how therapy went. I may need a med change myself...not sleeping even with the seriquil. Maybe he will up my dose. Bought a really nice couch 2nd hand. They did not charge me for the bed bugs! So the exterminators are coming tomorrow because they have taken over! And these critters are nasty! But they are eating well...until tomorrow that is. Laters... Carol

Okay, thanks. I'm doin' alright yeah. Glad you're getting those critters moved out...or rather on to the next life.

I'll let you know about my therapy too.

How was therapy for you today?

Mine went well. We discussed the invasive thoughts, spending sprees, OCD traits, and the family history of mood disorders. I felt it was productive and I felt much better afterward. Not even sure why. Cathartic purging?

I think I was supposed to make a plan to not spend any more, but I kind of am not done being manic and am having fun still with all the goofiness. Like, what, even if I only brought my debit card or cash, I'd find a way to spend too much if I really wanted to. He suggested putting the cards on ice, literally!! AHAHHAHA I can see it now...me with a plastic container full of water, then weighing my cards down with a stone in the water, then finding a spot for it in the fridge. Brilliant. :P

NF.....its been awhile since we chatted.....how are you doing??How did the appointment go on friday???
Bedbugs are yucky!!!We had them too and didnt even know it until these other bugs started surfacing in and around my mattress and bedroom.....omg,they had to be the MOST hideous bugs i have ever encountered in my life.They were called "MASKED BEDBUG HUNTERS" and from what i googled on the net,you dont have those visitors until the bedbug population is pretty bad.I cant remember the last time i scrubbed,sweeped,sprayed and prayed so hard over a bedroom,then i did it all over again a week later just to make sure i killed any friends that were left behind.Them critters are VERY ugly things.....i am itching just thinking about them again!! ok well i just wanted to see how you was doing and such......hugs.....

Oops I meant freezer above. Der. How ya doin today NF? Im at work on lunch break.

Hi guys! Had a very productive week. Getting back on board with some vocational counseling, an interviewing class. I got an exterminator to kill all the bedbugs. Felt pretty productive. I am still laughing at the debt cards encased in ice...great idea, but nothing hot water will not cure. Have someone keep those cards safe for you. Someone who will not melt! Lol

Aww...I was gonna ask Frosty.



Glad you have your house back to yourself again. Also good on the vocational counseling and the class. You'll do great I'm sure.

I will let you know how i do in the class!