i went back on klonopin and it seems to be working quite well, even though im quite manic... im doing better
in case you all dont know my dx i'll tell ya.
Bipolar disorder with psychotic features and panic/anxiety disorder associated with it... apparently know they are re-evaluating a possible schizoaffective disorder.
anyway, ive been off all my other meds for like 3 weeks and i go back to my doc on tuesday. im so excited to get to see him again. i feel safe with him and i think he can help me.
i decided to be very honest with him about all the hallucinations and delusions/paranoia.....
i fired my therapist and pdoc cuz im so paranoid... and there may be a new dx coming about quite soon. if you have been keeping up with me you may have noticed my change from straight bipolar disorder into this strange thought and perception distortion that is happening.
i guess we will see huh?
so i kinda wanna ask...
especially you ryan cuz you have gotten to know me...and anyone else keeping up with my posts....
do you think ive gone schizo?

[Rebound]

I don't, if it helps. I'm glad you're feeling so positive about the way things are going. I hope the good feelings last. Take care.

[dogtanian]

i don't know whether you've gone schizo - they thought i had schizoaff once - but it wasn't. either way i hope it gets sorted for you - good luck x

[goofygirl]

CCL- hang in there. A friend of mine went thru something that I think was really similar to what you described over the winter. Hang in there, and keep in touch! We are here for ya!

Jen, I'm not sure what I think. You describe things that I feel but I feel them when I'm depressed... not manic. I really don't know what to tell you. Just be honest with the doc as you said and trust that his expertise will lead you down the right path.

Ry

[sqrlb8]

"...gone schizo..." That's a good one. I wonder if it's the word "gone" or the phrase "schizo." Either way I guess. Laurie Anderson had a song years ago now called, "language is a virus." And I love language, and exploit it like anything, but sometimes I marvel at how we've come to refer to our lives, our selves. We "go" off, "go" crazy, "go" ballistic, go to the store and go to the bathroom. Schizo, mental, crazy, looney, bipolar, words words words.

I guess we have all these different terms for mental illness for a reason, but there doesn't seem to be too much to it as far as accurately reflecting a hard core physical reality. But we give such power to these words. Shizo. Indeed. Bipolar. If you say so. But doesn't it really begin to look like all these things are emmanating from something like a single malformed or misplaced gene? Don't all our symptoms overlap even if the dx's don't?

I guess I'm taking the long way around the barn here, just to say, CC, you're doing all you can to come to terms, and while the words are part of that process, I hope you can keep going without bogging down too much in this word or that word.

I don't think you've "gone" schizo. I think you've gone through hell trying to get "here" where you are, taking charge of something that would like to have charge of "you." I think you've "gone" the distance trying to endure. I think you've "gone" miles further down roads like determination, and bravery than most. I don't think you've "gone" schizo.

In the end, what they call it makes a lot less difference than how you live with it. Finding Klonopin is a good thing. Keep going. I'm sure glad to see you here, still swingin. tc.

sqrl.