Confused

Ever since i was 17 i have been diagnosed as having manic depression bi-polar disorder. I was on meds for 3 years then had to stop taking them due to losing my job. From 17 until 25 i have always had that extreme mood swings thing...being happy as a clam one minute and balling my eyes out the next. I was an addict for about 2 years (recently) and i noticed that i had a lot of mood swings like that during that period and before. I was addicted to cocaine/crack at the time. Since i have been clean, for the first couple months things slowly got better and then for about 3 months i considered myself (for once) happy. Normally i cannot recall long stretches where this is true. In the last few months (started going to school) things have not been so great. It's most likely the added stress, but its more than that and i dont know what to do. I am a cutter and have gotten very good at controlling that up until recently. If i get really upset and depressed, the only thing that helps is cutting. Yes, i know that is not good. That isnt even the thing that bothers me the most...i am depressed about 90% of the time anymore and have been having a lot of anxiety issues. I have gone to the Doc multiple times trying to get help getting back on my meds, but they are no help. I just dont know what to do and i apologize for my long 1st post and hope i didnt post it in the wrong area, but any help or advice anyone can give me is welcomed!!! I just dont know what to do...Thanks!

(((((Wecome!))))) How long have you been back on the meds, Tishy? Maybe you might have to change them isteaad of just going back on them? The disease changes over time. Hope you feel better again soon. You've come so far! Huggs and huggs.