[FeelingHopeful]

I was wondering if someone could help me , For everyone here who suffers from this, If you care about someone or liked them romantically but pushed them away for whatever reason, do your feelings change, do you still care for that person but know you cant be with them , or does something make your feelings change, ?? Im so confused, reading up on this now, lost, sad, crying, a mess. My friend who i think may deal with this but cant tell me , liked me, told me he would never push me away, but did(i know thats not his fault) got this new gf, Im confused?? I dont know his feelings anymore, he has said I really wish i could tell you alot and seems sad about it. Does he like us both?
Am I making any sense??

[lonegael]

(((feeling sad))), if your friend is having a bippolar episode and is not very used to handling himself, then he might assume that his feelings and reactions to them are being brought on by something in the real world, in other words, if he's manic and can't get enough activity and feels bored, then he might assum he feels bored because of the people he is with, not because his need for stimulation is abnormally high. There fore he might think friends are not good enough for him. Conversely, if he is anxious, he miht assume it is because a firend is not being trustworthy or is angry with him, when in actuallity the friend hasn't changed at all. How much this will lead to actuall changes in feelings towards a romantic partner, I don't know. Anyone out there with "romantic experience " in this?

[Newly_diagnosed]

I agree. I am bi-polar and also DID. So my experience may be a bit different but I'll try and help. Being bi-polar is such a strange feeling. One hand I am manic(cleaning the house, every inch of the house without a breath taken) Lately I feel indestructable, invincible due to my high mania. If your friend is in this state he may push you away because he soesn;t understand himself. If he is struggling with himself he not in a space to be with someone. I learned that when i was in mania I pushed away those I REALLY cared about and "dated" those just to get my needs met. Bi-polar is difficult not only for the one living it, but sometimes its harder for those who have to live with it.

Give him space, but don't forget about him. Show him you care and you're there to help. BUT don't push. we need to know that you will "get" us. Even at our worst. Hope this helps. I know I babble, hehe and thats due to DID and all the "stuff" in my head.

take care

[gravyyy]

Wow... I am just about to be getting into a romantic situation with someone.. it's pretty drastic for me. I have been single for 8 years but I have had long distance communications with someone in another state. In 2 weeks he's moving away from his family and friends in Texas to live with me here in Ohio. I have tried to push him away multiple times... I tell him I'm crazy, I am unpredictable, I am bad at relationships... but he will not run away (gotta give the boy props for that!!!!). I would love to love him, but I feel completely unlovable having bipolar disorder. I have told him he doesn't want to have kids with me, but he just keeps saying that whatever comes up we will deal with it together and that he can't imagine anyone else he'd rather have kids with (yet he does have a 2 year old son from a previous relationship).

Relationships are really a lot of work with 2 healthy people. It's more work with one or both partners with mental illnesses. I think the thing I am realizing is I need to be as honest as I can be. I need to be up front when I'm angry, sad, depressed, etc. We can talk about things... we will probably both work together in some of my T sessios. Relationships are really hard, especially in the beginning. I wish you all the best with this particualr guy you're talking about.

[FeelingHopeful]

Gravy!! Thank you. Would it be ok if I pmed you? Lonegal you too my friend?

[perpetuallysad]

Both of them really said everything I could say. I do know that I push people away when I get manicy or when I free fall into depression. Its like I just get these weird ideas (I guess delusions) about what is reality (when it really isn't) and I kick everyone out of my life. I have done this so many times that I honestly just don't try to make friend anymore. The only person in my life is my husband and I feel like I need to leave him about every two weeks. I get that way because I know I am so ****ed up I feel like I must be torturing him as much as my illness tortures me. So its not that I don't love him, I just end up feeling so unworthy that I feel like I MUST leave. Fortunately, he won't let me go. Its really a miracle I've found him and he's so willing to suffer through all of this with me. I don't know how everyone else does, but I bet your friend's feeling something similar. Its like sometimes nothing makes sense and nothing gives me contentment or peace so I just keep looking and looking (similar to what lonegael says) and see my current relationships as lacking, even though they aren't. Until my husband, I was never faithful to my relationships. Its like I was always looking for this elusive something (I know now it was the bipolar/mania causing me to make really bad decisions). Guh, I don't think I've helped at all. Sometimes its so flipping hard to explain my brain.

[gravyyy]

you make sense PS... no worries... you really reinforce what i was trying to say and that's helpful to me. I like knowing I'm not alone but sad that it means other suffer too.

Sure FeelingSad... PM me any time you want... I'm on multiple times per day so I'll reply pretty quickly I'm sure.

[FeelingHopeful]

Gravy, Sending you over something in the next 5 minutes.Thank You!!

[lonegael]

Likewise, Feeling sad. If I don't answer right away, don't get worried, just got a couple of small ones here that keep things lively. i will answer as soon as I can. PS, really good post. Summs it up nicely

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

Both of them really said everything I could say. I do know that I push people away when I get manicy or when I free fall into depression. Its like I just get these weird ideas (I guess delusions) about what is reality (when it really isn't) andI kick everyone out of my life. I have done this so many times that I honestly just don't try to make friend anymore. The only person in my life is my husband and I feel like I need to leave him about every two weeks. I get that way because I know I am so ****ed up I feel like I must be torturing him as much as my illness tortures me. So its not that I don't love him, I just end up feeling so unworthy that I feel like I MUST leave. Fortunately, he won't let me go. Its really a miracle I've found him and he's so willing to suffer through all of this with me. I don't know how everyone else does, but I bet your friend's feeling something similar. Its like sometimes nothing makes sense and nothing gives me contentment or peace so I just keep looking and looking (similar to what lonegael says) and see my current relationships as lacking, even though they aren't. Until my husband, I was never faithful to my relationships. Its like I was always looking for this elusive something (I know now it was the bipolar/mania causing me to make really bad decisions). Guh, I don't think I've helped at all. Sometimes its so flipping hard to explain my brain.

What PS says sounds very much like me right now in my current marriage. I pushed three others away and divorced them in a New York minute. I do know the reasons why, if you are interested. Will be glad to share. Just let me know.

My current husband loves me unconditionally and it's been only recently that I have finally (duh!) realized why I've always pushed them away. I'm trying desperately to not do it anymore. He told me for years that I was doing it and I denied it and finally (thank God) I realized he was right.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thanx Vicki. Would love to know the reasons.