[jennie]

Embarrassed by Mental Illness

After a second psychotic manic episode I've realized there's no turning back to normalcy. I'm cuckoo for coco puffs. I have lost my self-suffiency and am forced to ingest medications despite my lack of faith.

During the worst symptoms, I ran out my house screaming and including my neighbors in on my delusions. Later I was whisked away by gurney and ambulance to the psych ward. What a sight!

My husband joins my therapy soon to discuss some of our unresolved issues during my crazy spells. I can't explain my symptoms because delusions are irrational. So this therapy is going to be quite embarrassingly painful. Boohoo. No one should have to explain delusions.

[billieJ]

Bless your heart, jennie! You should not have to explain your delusions in therapy. Your therapist should know what delusions are, and she can explain this phenomena to your husband. I know it's not particularly reassuring to say "don't be embarrassed" by your psychotic episodes. But there are so many of us. My worst one was at work, when I came to believe that I was supposed to take a shower and get on a girl-scout bus to travel to some event. I was discovered by co-workers only barely known to me, completely naked and trying to bathe in the ladies room sink. From these co-workers, I repeatedly demanded to know where the shower was. I did not even partially come to my senses until I saw my supervisor and the dept. head approaching me determinedly, a bed sheet stretched out between them. In this, they wrapped me tightly and waddled me off to the psychiatric hospital. Yes, I was embarrassed, but it passed. You seem to have excellent insight into the fact that you have delusions. This insight, and the correct psychiatric meds, if needed, will be your biggest allies against the delusions that you despair of. Take heart, knowing you have come to the right place for sharing and caring in regard to the psychotic experience. Please continue to post here and feel free to PM me if I can help in any regard. I worked in the psychiatric field for 25 years, and I have additionally had a number of psychiatric hospitalizations. I would love to be of any help to you that I could be. Caring about You ~ billieJ

[1963.Susan]

billieJ certainly said it best. you do seem to have a sense of humor about the whole thing, & i think that will help. hang in there, jennie, & let the therapist help slide matters along for you.

[perpetuallysad]

Good luck to you, jennie. I hope that therapy goes alright. Delusions are so hard to explain, even to your guys who I really know understand, I couldn't imagine trying to explain them to a normal person. I hope that your husband is loving and kind to you during this process.

[Melbadaze]

I did the exact same thing about yrs ago and even to this day bow my head when I see the neighbour whose door I apparently choose.

[lostandscared54]

I agree with your last statement there. I know that I do not enjoy having to discuss my delusions... it is not fun. Good luck.

[__zh]

Originally Posted by jennie

Embarrassed by Mental Illness

After a second psychotic manic episode I've realized there's no turning back to normalcy. I'm cuckoo for coco puffs. I have lost my self-suffiency and am forced to ingest medications despite my lack of faith.

During the worst symptoms, I ran out my house screaming and including my neighbors in on my delusions. Later I was whisked away by gurney and ambulance to the psych ward. What a sight!

My husband joins my therapy soon to discuss some of our unresolved issues during my crazy spells. I can't explain my symptoms because delusions are irrational. So this therapy is going to be quite embarrassingly painful. Boohoo. No one should have to explain delusions.

He's going to therapy because he loves you and wants to understand how to better assist both you and himself through all of this. Like you've learned over the years about your disease/disorder your husband needs to learn how to better manage w/ aspects of your disease/disorder. It is a bit different for those who do not live the cuckoo for cocoa puffs bonkers to understand that we're not in our right minds.....we're not choosing these behaviours. We're ILL!

Most spouses who attend therapy in support of their partner tend to do a little self discovery as well as learning how to cope in a healthier manner. Here's hoping he'll make some personal breakthroughs himself that will be of benefit to your whole family.

Very proud of you for taking care of your disease/disorder.

With TONS of belief in you!

Your fellow delusional (upon occasion) buddy.