Wish i was someone else...someone normal

Its an awful feeling when other people don't understand you, don't understand your reactions. You don't want to offer up the excuse "I'm bipolar", even though it is such a simple answer. I have been struggling with this disorder for ten years. I don't have health insurance( I know i'm not the only one) so i really can't seek treatment. Plus the doctors always put me on anti-pyschotics and anxiety meds that are dangerous and addictive. I am seeking some type of holistic or homeopathic method to cope with what i am feeling. I am angry seventy five percent of the time and sad the other percent. It used to be reversed and i almost long for the sadness. My boyfriend doesn't understand why i fly of the handle, and my friends don't understand why i blow them off all the time. Work is totally taken aback by my irritability. This is destroying my life...Soon i won't have a job, my boyfriend won't be able to carry the load, and i think my friends have already given up(most of them). I tried drinking to ease the reality but that was a REALLY bad idea. I feel more alone now then i have for a very long time. I know that Seasonal affective has something to do with it, i also live in a very cold state...it snows for five months out of the year...I just dont want to feel like this anymore.

Hi and welcome. Yeah, it's a simple answer that is so hard to give. Sometimes what helps me is if I can give a half/right answer, like "I don't always handle stress so well," or "Sometimes I go through periods where I am just really tired, etc. See how folks respond to that. If they have trouble with tha, then you don't need them around more than they have to be. Anyway I'm sure you'll gets lots of good answers. Hope you come back! huggs

Yeah it's definitely a hard situation trying to explain your behaviors to everyone else. You're right when you say they don't "get it." They don't fly off the handle like you or I do so how could they get it? That doesn't make you feel better about it, but I agree with lonegael that you should keep your explanations general. You don't have to say you have bipolar disorder because other people won't understand that if they haven't experienced it.

As far as treatment, I have no clue what your situation is or where you're from (US vs a different country) but in the US at least there are community mental health center that offer free or sliding scale services for people based on their income. You don't have to necessarily qualify for Medicaid or a government program to use services at community mental health centers. There are some areas where these services are more readily available but a google search will often lead you to whatever discounted services are available to you. Hopefully you can figure something out for treatment because it's miserable to suffer with the irritability and all that. Take care and welcome to PsychCentral!!

I really wish I could use the "I'm Bipolar" excuse as well, but many people don't understand what Bipolar is, and how it's an actual medical condition in which you can't always control. Maybe you could look into support groups in your area. The DBSA (Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance) usually have weekly meetings, that are peer-lead. You can also maybe ask others without insurance what they do in terms of being treated. As for the SAD symptoms, have you tried light therapy? I got a LED light therapy thing on Amazon that I use for 30 mins in the morning, and it makes such a difference. I also take vitamin D supplements, folic acid, and NAC, with my psych drugs to make them more effective.

You should also try talking to your boss and see if there are things at work that can be changed that can benefit you. Luckily, I have an understanding boss, that helps me work out things when I'm having problems. For example, I also have ADD, so every morning she checks in on me to make sure I have my priorities right for the day. Also, she controls all of the tasks that I need to accomplish, unlike before when everyone was asking me for stuff, which was very overwhelming....I'm actually much more productive now.

Hey cmb,
I don't know how you are functioning at all without the right treatment. I promise, life can be better for you. There has got to be somewhere you can get treatment even though you have no insurance. I know you are afraid of the meds but I was more afraid of losing this fight without them. There is so much info out there on different meds now that you can know the pros and cons before you take them. And if you are lucky you will have a dr like I do that works with you on what you take and how it effects you. Just hold on to who you really are and that this is an illness that is not your fault. Good luck taking charge of you and your health and you future.