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  #1  
Old Jan 21, 2010, 11:40 PM
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Goldylocks Goldylocks is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 28
I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1 for a little over a year now and to tell the truth even with the books and the meds, I just feel lost. I feel like I am starting all over in life. That it's competely separate from my pre bipolar self. Is this a normal feeling? I am constantly striving to keep control of my life, read more, learn more. As if finding out everything about the disorder will make order out of my life. I have only told my very close family and friends and they are great and supportive but sometimes I just can't reach out to them. I don't know if it is because I am scared to show them or embarassed to show them the real me, no rose colored glasses. Sometimes I just need to know I am not alone and I am not a freak for not being "normal".

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  #2  
Old Jan 22, 2010, 12:57 AM
sshinn21 sshinn21 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 6
Sounds like me, I can not reach out and let others know how I really feel until it is too late. Keep trying to reach out that is what I am trying to do.
Good luck!
  #3  
Old Jan 22, 2010, 01:24 AM
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NuckingFutz NuckingFutz is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2005
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 4,564
Hi! I look at my life as before and after the illness. I would not wish mental illness on anyone. This a great place for support though. Just want to chime in and say you are not alone. Hang in there.
  #4  
Old Jan 22, 2010, 04:38 AM
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Ascension Ascension is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 443
I know how hard it is to go through the learning phase of being diagnosed but, I personally am grateful for the ebb and flow of being bi-polar. I have experienced in my 36 years the emotional energy of what most people would only see in three life times. It used to almost cripple me but now, I embrace it. It fuels my writing, music. It's like living in a harsh and cold winter landscape and then going to death valley. It's like basking in the warmth of a hot summers day or curling up under a warm blanket and forgetting the world exists for a while. I have learned to not fear it as much. Sometimes the places my mind goes can be frightening and my life can swallow me up like a surfer in a storm surge but I always seem to come back to the surface.

On a side note, treatment and balance in dealing with bi-polar disorder can take a while to get figured out. For me the first two years were almost worse then my life prior to diagnosis. I read to educate myself and got lost in all the scary stuff I read about it. I felt like if I were bi-polar I was damned to a life of unbalance and that I had no chance at a life of quality. But if you follow through you will get better and more importantly come to terms with it. You're not alone. We are here and reach out if you need to to whoever you have and if you want to us.
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I have wandered the darkness, a place I call home, for a long time looking for peace, and there is peace even in here. I hope I can help you find your peace.
Thanks for this!
lonegael
  #5  
Old Jan 22, 2010, 04:47 AM
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lonegael lonegael is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Sweden, back of beyond
Posts: 3,448
I started having trouble so early that I can't remember not having it. I do know that it takes a while to get yourself adjustedt to the diagnosis and the changes that one learns one must make when living with this illness. It's not well understood, but is one of the most treatable of the organic brain syndroms, as I have heard it called. I went through periods of totally identifying with the disease, fighting it, denying it, and now I am just sort of atthe stage where it is a feature of my existance, but not the defining factor. Like the color of my hair, my red - burn - if -it -sees-a- child's-drawing- -of-the-sun skin and my grey eyes. I think that now I can see a continuum of the "real" me and where I am now. I'm the same person, but I change a little with life, as do all people. HUggs and hang in there. Welcome to PC!
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