[BNLsMOM]

My diagnosis has changed magically. My p-doc, on my last lab slip wrote the code for bipolar II. On this slip, she wrote the code for Bipolar I, Last episode depressed, severe with psychotic features.

I know the diagnosis doesn't matter much in terms of treatment, and I know I have been striving to know exactly what I am dealing with. I just have two issues.

One: Now that I know what is going on with me diagnostically, I feel like, "Huh? what? psychotic features?" I could have told anyone I had psychotic features, but seeing it in the cold font of a website listing DSM codes is kind of shocking.

Which brings me to Issue Two: Why wouldn't my p-doc say it to me. Why did I have to find it out from a lab slip? She knows I am savvy enough to look the code up online. She is always kind of floored at how much knowledge I bring in to my appointments.

So anyway, I'll get my Lithium levels done tomorrow, and put my new dosages in my pill box and continue working on this thing.

[Moose72]

So what did you say to her that made her write thst down? Hearing voices, etc? They look for key words in what you say.

[BNLsMOM]

We talked about how when my depression lifts that I get anxious and start to get paranoid about things. I described the kind of paranoia that I feel when I go into stores or whe police cars drive past me. Baiscally all the stuff I put in my post Delusional Life.

I pretty much knew that I had psychotic features through talking with my T, but I just wonder why my p-doc would just dash off a code on my lab slip and not talk to me about the diagnosis and what it means in terms of my treatment and prognosis, etc.

[Ascension]

I have never had any p-doc tell me what they thought I was dealing with aside from "I think you may be manic right now." Or "I think you may be depressed right now." I think I need to get a copy of my records and see what they say fully. Maybe they are afraid the info may be a trigger? In any event, I haven't actually been told what all they think is wrong with me recently.

[lonegael]

Didi she maybe think you discussed it or mentioned it already? I found out kind of the same way, but then I think they figured I knew the diagnotsic criteria well enough to know why they changed me from II to I.
Grrr. I hate assumptions!

My pdoc and I really never talk about diagnosis. I know what he puts down as an insurance code is different than what he actually thinks I am. Whatever. We talk about treatment. That's what you need to focus on.

[BNLsMOM]

I am still in shock this morning, but I feel a sense of relief trickling in too. I guess I don't have to hold on so tightly to appear normal because I am clearly not. Maybe I can let go a little.

[lonegael]

There's a song by Morrissy where the chorus concludes with "there is no such thing in life as normal." If you can live with yourself as you are, that is what is important, and that will certainly help a lot. It took time for me to live myself into my diagnosis, and there were times it was more impotant to me than it is now. I think it's just part of living with and learning to accept this aspect of yourself. I definitely hope you find peace in it. Huggs and welcome to the club.

[perpetuallysad]

farmergirl, my pdoc's the same way. He really doesn't like to use labels with me because I get all crazy reading about whatever new thing he says is wrong with me and that just ends up contributing to my problems. I don't mean to, but its this need to KNOW that will drive me crazy. We sort of have this unspoken agreement to not talk about labels unless absolutely necessary.

BNLsMOM, I'm sorry this has been upsetting for you. Maybe he wasn't even thinking about the code he wrote, just having "bipolar" in his head and wrote the first bipolar code that came into his head? At my office, the secretary writes the codes from somewhere on my folder. My diagnostic code has always been for major depressive disorder severe. I don't have insurance that covers mental health care, so I guess there isn't a need to change it? Anyhow, I am sorry you are upset but glad you are starting to feel better.

[BNLsMOM]

I have been thinking about my p-doc and she seems pretty perceptive. I was telling her about someof the paranoia that I feel and she asked a few questions and then asked if I was comfortable with the term paranoia. I told her I was because I had been discussing it with my T for some time now. She wrote something down and then wrote up my lab slip. I am guessing it was our discussion that changed the diagnosis.

I guess it doesn't bother me much since I already knew that paranoia was a psychotic feature of bipolar, but I guess I just need to have a discussion with her about the diagnosis and treatment. I do trust her, though.

She did dodge the question of diagnosis the last time I brought it up and said that it would take her a while to get to know me before she could tell me what was going on.

Maybe she is just getting to know me and that's why it changed. I have seen her every two weeks since November.

[dj586858]

I wasn't told my diagnosis of bipolar II disorder for a long time. Then on one visit my dr asked if I'd mind if a medical student sat in with us. I was fine with it. Then she told me to tell the vistor what my diagnosis is. She was shocked that I didn't know so she told both of us. I just knew I suffered from deep depression and suicidal thoughts. All I cared about was getting on right meds, getting better. Now that I have a name for it though it is easier to talk to people about it and connect with others who have the same disorder. They take it more seriously. When you say "depression" many people think "bad mood" or "PMS" or "bad attitude" like I am giving in to something that I can get over if I just "cheer up" or "look at the bright side". I am definitely a "look at the bright side" "glass half full" kind of person. The depression, the darkness, the demons are totally different. I am comfortable with who I am and my illness. I am sooooo much better than I used to be though it is something I have to work at everyday with the help of great friends, a wonderful (though sometimes misguided) family, my strong faith and a doctor who lets me participate in my treatment. Oh, and lots of the right meds.

Sorry about the rambling. I haven't been on here in a while and I guess I feel chatty.

Anyway, please don't let your diagnosis change how you feel about yourself in a negative way. You are still the person you were before you saw it in black and white. Take it as confirmation that it is an illness and in no way your fault.

I hope you find the peace we all need.

[missmoonshine]

Guess having the correct diagnoses means getting the correct treatment which will enable you have the best chance at becoming well