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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: AU
Posts: 193
14 |
Feb 05, 2010 at 06:59 AM
#1
****ing hell.
So I've been manic for only a couple of days. Woke up feeling rather normal. Was quite happy about it. Confused but relieved. Went out and may of spent a bit too much... so maybe didn't stay normal or wasn't as normal as I thought. I also got lost in a part of the city I don't know because I went, **** it! I don't need a map of mobile GPS! Because walking up weird ally ways to make a short cut when you're already lost is smart. Eventually I thought to call a friend for them to Google Maps me but she had no net. So then I found a cafe finally and the owner pointed down a road and said 200m that way to what I want. It was more like 500m dammit. Hey, at least I didn't go take off track I suppose. I spent my evening baking a cake for my boyfriend, then I burnt it. Then I burnt my finger. Then later I cut into my nail. Gah, rage. I tried soooo hard to keep the happy mood I had during my before-cake-burnt time but no. And my psychologist is still sick and I still have 3 weeks till a see a pdoc. Making no progress, just getting worse. Now I feel very ragey. /rant |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2009
Location: Sweden, back of beyond
Posts: 3,448
15 88 hugs
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Feb 05, 2010 at 08:12 AM
#2
(((((((fire Star))))))
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Member
Member Since Sep 2008
Location: Taneytown, MD.
Posts: 390
16 |
Feb 05, 2010 at 01:38 PM
#3
I been on the upside lately, spending too much money on anything just to spend it...like I'll feel more better if I spend just one more penny.....The only relief I'll get is to be snowed in here for a couple of days (on east coast USA)...now I found out I hit the lottery this a.m.....Geez, I hope 25" of snow is enough to reign me in......I'll probably freeze to death in a snowbank going to collect......
It' good to sit back and take a deep breath, if your feeling the boiling start....it helps me to just chuckle at something funny I'll think of...  ..Y
__________________ And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too...I'll see you on the darkside of the moon......
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Member
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: alabama
Posts: 193
15 |
Feb 05, 2010 at 03:09 PM
#4
hey, hate to read things are difficult now. just dont be too hard on your self, okay take care
__________________ In a mad world only the mad are sane--Akira Kurosawa The things we fear have already happened...Deepak Choppra |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: AU
Posts: 193
14 |
Feb 06, 2010 at 02:44 AM
#5
I'm having such a crap day. Too many bad thoughts. :<
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2009
Posts: 2,933
15 114 hugs
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Feb 06, 2010 at 12:50 PM
#6
Are you safe? Keep posting, OK?
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: AU
Posts: 193
14 |
Feb 06, 2010 at 07:25 PM
#7
I'm safe today.
Had a bit of a scare yesterday. My boyfriend needed alone time and it's becoming a trigger for me. So I woke up feeling rotten and had a bit of a spaz out when I didn't have his company so went for a walk without shoes or my glasses down a kind of busy road. I wanted to find birds to watch or something. >< Now we worked out that he needs to tell me directly ' i need time alone' instead of just having it to set my paranoia at ease. So now I can stop being a pain in the arse and he knows I'm having trouble with control at the moment. Frustrating being this unstable. I keep thinking I should go down to the hospital. I rather not though. |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2009
Posts: 2,933
15 114 hugs
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Feb 06, 2010 at 10:33 PM
#8
I understand instability. I am happy that you are safe today.
I am glad you and he worked out a system to make things easier. It's a good idea. The hospital is a hard decision. I found when I finally went it took the pressure off me. I could rest and people there understood me at my deepest level. I think it saved my life and gave me hope for my treatment. I think of the hospital when I feel frightened or upset and although I found aspects of it traumatic, I found aspects comforting and I think of those when I need it. Do what you have to do to make it through. |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: AU
Posts: 193
14 |
Feb 07, 2010 at 08:16 AM
#9
Not feeling well again. Night times are getting worse for me, stuck with my thoughts too much. Dammit.
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2009
Posts: 2,933
15 114 hugs
given
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Feb 07, 2010 at 05:18 PM
#10
Night is hard. Keep checking in, OK?
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: AU
Posts: 193
14 |
Feb 08, 2010 at 08:29 AM
#11
Very stressed which is making me mad tonight but keeping my urge to get violent or SI in line so I guess that's good. Can't wait for my day off. One more shift and I can relax for a bit.
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2009
Posts: 2,933
15 114 hugs
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Feb 08, 2010 at 11:46 AM
#12
Just keep looking forward to relaxation.
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: AU
Posts: 193
14 |
Feb 09, 2010 at 08:42 AM
#13
I spent part of my morning looking up the effects of different types of suicide methods have on the body. I don't know why, my thoughts aren't even intense today. Stressed about my day off as I have a doctor's appointment, not related to my head crap. Poo.
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2009
Posts: 2,933
15 114 hugs
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Feb 09, 2010 at 11:29 AM
#14
I did that while I was in crisis too. I was convinced that my thoughts weren't that bad, that I wasn't even very depressed.
Would you consider calling your p-doc and or T? I can remember right now if you are seeing a therapist. Would you call a crisis line? |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: AU
Posts: 193
14 |
Feb 09, 2010 at 05:15 PM
#15
I don't have a landline and it's no credit on my mobile phone so dead end there. My psychologist is still in hospital so I don't have anyone else to call or see. 2.5 weeks to go till I get to see a pdoc. ><
I think I might go shopping. I just won't take too much cash with me so yes, control! |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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Feb 09, 2010 at 05:19 PM
#16
Fire Star, you are worrying me a bit. Make a call to your t or you pdoc and let them know what is going on. If you can't get hold of them, please go to the hospital if you start feeling out of control. Your suicidal ideation worries me. I've been there. It's dangerous. Take care of yourself.
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 BNLsMOM
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 29
14 |
Feb 09, 2010 at 08:04 PM
#17
Don't quit posting. We're here for you until you can call your T or pdoc. and like farmergirl said, if it gets too bad please go to the hospital.
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Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2010
Location: in a loonbin on the eat coast
Posts: 1,041
14 |
Feb 09, 2010 at 08:49 PM
#18
i agree with MOM, keep posting.
i know the feeling... i love hypomania, but mania blows. totally. __________________ MCLEAN HOSPITAL ALUMN!! www.mylifeintreatment.com there is a LOT of personal information on there from my current hospitalization and it may not be for everyone, but it's a good read! please PM me anytime, day or night... i am always awake and wanting to talk!! We'd never know what's wrong without the pain Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: AU
Posts: 193
14 |
Feb 10, 2010 at 01:19 AM
#19
Thanks guys.
I managed to clean my flat and do my groceries today. Woo functioning. Hard to at times. I tried to get into contact with my psychologist's office but the office is closed today but some odd reason. Brilliant! All well. |
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2009
Posts: 2,933
15 114 hugs
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Feb 10, 2010 at 02:04 PM
#20
You sound a little more hopeful today. Just hang on.
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