[primetime80]

Hi all-

I am looking for some insight into how to get my wife help for what I believe is bipolar disorder. I had suspicions early on in our relationship that she might be suffering from this disorder and not just simple stress, but things have grown worse and have become especially hard for me. From the stories I've told my own therapist about her episodes, and from reading the stories online, I'm convinced this is what she suffers from.

Her happiness means the world to me, and I love her with everything I have, but I don't know what to do to help her and it's taking a toll on me more than it has ever before. Emotionally I am drained and feel imprisoned. I want her to be happy so badly. She won't let me talk to anyone other than my therapist about what goes on behind closed doors, including my mother who I am...or was so close with, but now terrified to talk to. She finally just began to see a therapist, but from what she has told me she doesn't seem to be telling her about the episodes she has with me and I'm not sure if she is letting her therapist in on what is going on. I think she is really scared to be diagnosed, and is in denial. She believes she suffers from bad stress, but doesn't believe that she has a disorder and is scared to be labeled, and I think afraid if she has a disorder it means our children will have one. I try to reassure her by telling her how I go to therapy to treat my own anxiety, and that we are all human and that just because we have certain anxieties doesn't mean we are screwed up.

When she is manic, she will find a plethora of things that I've done that make her angry, most of them being extremely irrational, and throw temper tantrums. She might not like something I'm eating or how I'm wearing my clothes or what I'm watching on TV and tell me I'm disgusting or look terrible and wonder how I could ever eat a certain food or wear a certain shirt, that she couldn't imagine anyone else in the world being that way. She'll usually point out numerous irrational things at once that I've done that bother her and pick on me until I get up and leave. Trying to rationalize with her only makes it worse. She can go with little sleep and have so much energy the next day. She is extremely organized and everything has its place and she needs to have control of most situations. At times when she levels off and has broken down she'll tell me she feels like she is ruining my life, that she is insane or psychotic, and that I should leave her and that she will end up alone. I try to reassure her, to show her how much I love her and that her happiness means the world to me. In a recent conversation where we talked about the episodes, she told me she is afraid to be put on mood stabilizers in fear it will change her and turn her into someone other than herself.

The only person I have to talk to now is my therapist -- and now I have to even be careful as to how often I do that, because when I told her I was going to see her twice in one week to deal with my stress, she got extremely upset and tried to convince me I shouldn't be seeing her at all and that I should be spending the extra time I use to see my therapist with her instead. My therapist has been great, but she obviously can't be there for me all the time. I have no one else to turn to. I feel trapped and crushed inside, and am hurting so much for my wife. I am even scared she will find out even that I'm writing this and be angry at me for seeking help.

Has anyone out there experienced something similar to this and found a happy ending? I am scared she will never get the proper treatment and don't know how else to help her get there and to find that happy ending to this. I want her to know that things will be all right and that I love her and won't leave her. I need advice as to what to do, because that's all I want -- for her to get better and us to live a happy life.

Thanks for reading and any advice you can offer-
PT

[Anneinside]

It can be scary to get diagnosed with a long term disorder. But the truth is that you need to be happy too if this situation continues you probably won't be happy. You probably have better luck in trying to get her to do something about her problems when she is a contrite mood rather than an irritable one. Also, have you considered that she might have borderline personality disorder. With that, one of the symptoms is that a friend/love one is wonderful or the worst possible person. Seeing things in black and white. You could look at webMD.com or wiki.com for bipolar and borderline personality disorder. There is therapy, I think DBT, for BPD. Sometimes they medicate BPD with similar medicines used with bipolar.

[daisychic]

Hi Primetime...Sorry to hear about what your going through. You sound like a real caring partner. Im glad to hear youre getting some help with your own issues...thats awesome. You know some people are just so afraid to give up any control of their life to something thats unknown to them. Its usually in their own time they make the decision to seek help. I have a loved one who too cant give up control..even though I can see what chaos they live in...to them though its familiar and safe. Ive tried to get them to let me go to the doc with them so I can say whats really goin on and they always find away for me not to be able to go. I too am always looking for that perfect thing to say to them that will make them want to get help. Unfortunatly I know im doin all I can and Ill just have to keep trying and hope tomorow will be different. Again you sound like you really care and I hope things work out for you and your family. I hope you can stick around here....the people here are really supportive and helpfull.

[primetime80]

I know that this is taking its toll on me and I am definitely worried at some point I will throw in the towel. Reading things like the fact that 90 percent of marriages where someone is bipolar end in divorce certainly doesn't make me feel any better. But I'm trying to hold on and be as supportive as possible no matter how much pain I'm feeling.

I haven't looked into borderline personality disorder, but that also sounds similar to her condition. It's amazing how she can go from hot to cold so quickly. All I'm hoping is at some point she will break out of the denial stage and acknowledge that something isn't right, and that that's OK, and that it's OK to be on meds to help control it.

Originally Posted by Anneinside

It can be scary to get diagnosed with a long term disorder. But the truth is that you need to be happy too if this situation continues you probably won't be happy. You probably have better luck in trying to get her to do something about her problems when she is a contrite mood rather than an irritable one. Also, have you considered that she might have borderline personality disorder. With that, one of the symptoms is that a friend/love one is wonderful or the worst possible person. Seeing things in black and white. You could look at webMD.com or wiki.com for bipolar and borderline personality disorder. There is therapy, I think DBT, for BPD. Sometimes they medicate BPD with similar medicines used with bipolar.

[primetime80]

Sounds very similar to me. I'm always hoping I'll get through to her somehow, sometimes I feel like I do, and I've realized the only times she starts to feel like she needs help is on a day where she's not experiencing an episode. When I try to talk to her on days where it's acting up, it's impossible and I only make it worse. Thanks for the message and I'm sure I'll be checking back here for support, it's something I definitely need since I really have no one I can turn to while I go through this with her.

Originally Posted by daisychic

Hi Primetime...Sorry to hear about what your going through. You sound like a real caring partner. Im glad to hear youre getting some help with your own issues...thats awesome. You know some people are just so afraid to give up any control of their life to something thats unknown to them. Its usually in their own time they make the decision to seek help. I have a loved one who too cant give up control..even though I can see what chaos they live in...to them though its familiar and safe. Ive tried to get them to let me go to the doc with them so I can say whats really goin on and they always find away for me not to be able to go. I too am always looking for that perfect thing to say to them that will make them want to get help. Unfortunatly I know im doin all I can and Ill just have to keep trying and hope tomorow will be different. Again you sound like you really care and I hope things work out for you and your family. I hope you can stick around here....the people here are really supportive and helpfull.