[BNLsMOM]

This morning my husband saw a self-inflicted scratch on my arm and asked me what happened.

I told him that the dog got me with his claws.

I hold my husband to a standard of telling me the truth and I get angry when he doesn't and now I have lied to him.

The truth is so important to me and now I have lied to him. I did it for a couple of reasons. One, so that I won't have to go to the hospital because he will freak out, and two, so that he doesn't have to worry about me all the time. My T knows what is going on, so I know I am safe as long as I talk to him.

I don't like lying to the people who are close to me and now I have done it. I feel awful.

[sadden]

Sorry you are feeling so awful. Please hold yourself as gently and kindly as you can. You did what you did in the moment. And the next moment, and now the next.
You are in my thoughts as I recognize myself in your post. Thank you for sharing this pain with us...may it ease off more as you talk with your T. I am glad you are safe.
(((BNLsMOM)))

[Liberada]

((((BNLsMOM)))) I know how you feel. Truth is everything...for me. The only time I've ever told DH a flat out lie was when I scratched my wrist. At the time, in the moment, all I could do was dig and cry. It left a nice wide gash right across the veins. I hid it for a few days and when it started to heal and he saw it I told him it was a burn. It's the only time that I've self injured, physically on purpose. To this day it's the only thing I've ever lied about (that I didn't come forward on and tell the truth) and something that I will never forget. I'll never forget the desire to hurt myself either. That was alien.. yet comforting at the same time. If I ever go back into the blackness...I'll tell.

I hid my drinking from him in the past. Was good at it for a while. But the guilt was eating me up and I had to tell the truth. Then I started Geodon and the desire to drink left me. Well... I've cut my dosage back on the Geodon from 120mg to 40mg and now the wanting of alcohol is returning. I haven't lied about it yet...yet. But he does know what I've been up to and so far is keeping watch over me. As I'm trying to.

If you come clean with him let him know it was a one time thing (I hope) and steps are being taken with your t to handle it. Let him know you are safe.

[BNLsMOM]

I told him. He is very angry. He doesn't know if he can trust me to be alone.

[beautifuldisaster78]

Originally Posted by BNLsMOM

I told him. He is very angry. He doesn't know if he can trust me to be alone.

((((BNLsMOM))))) im sorry you are going through this. He may be angry at first, but it's likely that he feels his own inadequacy and self-blame rather than being angry at you necessarily. he fears for you because he cares for you. give him time. you guys can work through it. praying for ya.

[yutzman]

It's not safe to self inflict even if your T knows about it....Your not in recovery if your normal only when you are talking to your T....It seems your still in denial if you can't come clean with your closest.........I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but you need to look deeper.................Y

[BNLsMOM]

I agree. It is all very scary. I don't think I am stable. I did finally tell my husband.