Where am I???

Honestly I'm confused right now. I had been depressed kinda badly since the beginning of December. I have had multiple med changes and finally started to feel better last week. I thought I was going to be more "normal" but now I'm feeling bad again. I feel depressed but I also feel really confused. I am having trouble at work keeping on task and organized. I feel like I'm lost in space. I just can't get grounded or something. I dont even know what it is but I can't figure out why I can't level off.

I'm thinking of telling my supervisor about my difficulties and see if she has suggestions but she doesn't know about me being bipolar and with me having just started there 3 months ago I hate to tell her about it. I mean we're both nurses and so she would understand but it's of course nerve wracking. I don't feel like I'm putting my patients at risk at all because I can focus during the visits but I just can't get organized or focused outside patient contact time.

I'm just really discouraged and really frustrated and wondering if this is what the rest of my life is going to be like because if it is I don't know if it's worth it. I really don't. I see T on Friday so maybe I'll remember to talk about this but I will probably forget. I forget everything. I don't really need responses but I just needed to vent. I needed to get this out there so it's off my chest at least. Thanks for reding if you've made it this far! Hope everyone else is doing okay.

I'm sure you will find a balance... it can take a while. As for talking with your supervisor it depends on how comfortable you are.

I can understand the angst. Today I was called into my supervisors office, and was urged to go back into counseling... apparently my co-workers had concerns about me, and they were worried... As much as I hate to admit it, and as frustrated I am at being called out... My family cornered me the other day as well.

And then I had a date tonight, and was stood up... I am really trying to not let this get to me... but I can't help but think I am doomed when it comes to dating. Which this certainly does not help when I am cycling rapidly, and need a med adjustment.

Take care and do what is best to help yourself.

I hope things look better soon...maybe you are having side effects from the many med changes and they will pass? Take care

I get that way too, although I don't work. I can imagine how hard it must be at work. This morning I was walking around the kitchen trying to remember what I was doing. I went in to the bathroom when I really meant to go to the pantry to get the oatmeal. I stood in the bathroom, decided to blow my nose and then went back out to the kitchen and did three other things before I remembered I was supposed to be making oatmeal.

I can laugh about it because it is just oatmeal, but I sure got hungry by the time I made it.

If you feel comfortable, you can talk to your supervisor. You could just say that you are taking some meds and they are causing you to lose focus sometimes. Make sure you emphasize that you are not putting your patients at risk.

Hopefully it is side effect related and will pass soon.

I'm thinking it is like BNLsMOM said, maybe its a side effect of your meds. There are certain anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers I've been on that make me just sort of brain dead. I still have problems with word loss (like i know the word I need to say but it won't come out for some reason) when I am talking, but thankfully I only ever talk to my husband and son and they are used to it. But there have been times that I was so muddled I couldn't do grocery store math in my head. When was the last time you changed/adjusted meds? Could that be the problem?

I know it can be hard to remember important things to tell your tdoc. I would suggest that you go back to the entries you have made and note, on paper, what your concerns are. Then you can take the paper with you to the tdoc. Also, it can be very helpful to keep a journal which you can also bring to therapy. I have an online journal for chatty things but keep personal and mood related things in a handwritten journal. One of the things I found is that my handwriting changes dramatically as my mood changes!

Hi. Sorry you are going through something this disconcerting. I too have been in a fog of drowsiness and not knowing quite what to do, except for to lie down and rest to relieve the symptoms. It's probably meds, but it's still very discouraging. I can only work about 7-10 hours a week because of these side effects or my mood issues, but I still feel drained when I'm there. It's so hard to focus. I can't imagine having a full-time job, let alone one as serious as yours. I'm glad you still have your good judgment though. Don't give up. Ask your p-doc what you can do about these symptoms to make life more manageable.

Interestingly the company I work for does a whole lot of home health psych nursing. I have a few psych client but most are medical problems. I did talk to my supervisor today and just told her that I have bipolar disorder (which I had kinda hinted at before) and that I was having trouble being organized in my charting and that I wanted to make sure that everything made sense that I was turning in. She said she hadn't heard anything from the chart reviewers that my notes were substandard but she would look after it and let me know. She was really nice about it and said if there's anything tehy can do to help they will try to do it. Working with a bunch of people who do psych nursing has its perks I suppose. My pdoc has been great so far (he's basically married to my director of nursing which I didn't know until after I started working at the company). He was fine with seeing me as a client even though that work connection was there. I see him in another 2 weeks but I se my T tomorrow so it'll be good... good timing for a session. Thanks everyone for your input. It's greatly appreciated.