Dreams

They are always toward the morning.

I dream of being in the hospital every night. I am walking around in a semi-comatose state, trying to understand the intake process. It is a combination of a college dorm and psych ward. I don't understand why there weren't any students the last time I went. I remember that it was summer. I wonder what the rules will be regarding the rooms for the paitents and the students, and how they will keep us from mixing.

I just want my room, but I can't find it and I don't understand the paperwork.

Strangely, in my confusion I don't feel afraid. I feel comforted because I don't have to be a mom, I don't have to be anything. I can just let the coma that I constantly fight in the real world bubble up and take over. People will take care of me now. I don't have to do anything until I am well.

Sadly, a lot of people think that being a Mom is easy. It's not. And sometimes those stresses carry over into our sleep process. When you're in an altered state of consciousness, your mind tries to work out, for lack of a better expression, your issues. The sleep you get between 10 PM and 2 a.m. is the most important. Some dreams seem to be more towards a certain time, like morning, but generally are merely what we last remember.

Vivid nightmares can also be a medication side effect. Good thing I like scary movies or I'd be in big trouble. I used to be able to time my dreams. I'd look at the clock just before I layed my head on the pillow, dream a dream that seemed to last all night, wake up, check the clock and only ten or fifteen minutes had passed. Weird stuff.

I also have very vivid dreams. Some are so long and involved I could write a book. I can usually remember them for about a day and then they're gone. I do think it is medication related.