[Julial]

I have finally made the leap and scheduled an appt with a clinic that works on a sliding scale. (no insurance) I have been diagnosed with major depression in the past but I think that there is more going on with me and I feel that it may be bipolar. I have done a lot research on the meds for bipolar and quite frankly the side effects scare me to death. Will I become a blah person on the level all the time? I have read that sometimes a person may lose their creativity. What can I expect? What can my husband expect as far as my behavior is concerned? I am researching everything I can find; I want to be informed. I would appreciate any and all feedback from you all. I don't mind saying that I could just about have a panic attack thinking about all of this. Thank you.

[perpetuallysad]

I'm being careful what I say because I don't know what your diagnosis will be or if it will even change. Maybe if you try not to worry about what you will do with a new diagnosis that you don't have yet, the wait will be easier. Plus, there is really no way to tell, if you are diagnosed bipolar, what the psychiatrist may put you on. All the meds are different and everyone reacts differently to them. There are tons of people on here who have very positive experiences with anti-psychotics (which are often prescribed to bipolar people), but I haven't found a single one that I am able to take without the side effects being too bad. Some medicines do make you feel blah, some don't. But the same can be said for the medications given for depression. I know I'm not being very helpful and I know anticipation can be awful, but there really is no way to give you any concrete answers until you have a diagnosis and are prescribed something specifically; even then, your reaction could be very different from mine or someone else's.

About creativity: I have found that even before seeking treatment my creativity was always way down when I was depressed as opposed to manic/hypomanic. I don't know if everyone has that same experience.

Again, even with your behavior, you may not change one bit once you start treatment. Or you may become depressed. Or happy. There are so many variables its just impossible to guess.

I hope the visit goes alright. How long do you have to wait?

[shorty85]

I do a lot of writing and I intially had the same fears that my creativity would be gone when I started taking meds. I take lamictal which makes helps me to be less irritated when I have hypomanic moods.

[Julial]

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

I'm being careful what I say because I don't know what your diagnosis will be or if it will even change. Maybe if you try not to worry about what you will do with a new diagnosis that you don't have yet, the wait will be easier. Plus, there is really no way to tell, if you are diagnosed bipolar, what the psychiatrist may put you on. All the meds are different and everyone reacts differently to them. There are tons of people on here who have very positive experiences with anti-psychotics (which are often prescribed to bipolar people), but I haven't found a single one that I am able to take without the side effects being too bad. Some medicines do make you feel blah, some don't. But the same can be said for the medications given for depression. I know I'm not being very helpful and I know anticipation can be awful, but there really is no way to give you any concrete answers until you have a diagnosis and are prescribed something specifically; even then, your reaction could be very different from mine or someone else's.

About creativity: I have found that even before seeking treatment my creativity was always way down when I was depressed as opposed to manic/hypomanic. I don't know if everyone has that same experience.

Again, even with your behavior, you may not change one bit once you start treatment. Or you may become depressed. Or happy. There are so many variables its just impossible to guess.

I hope the visit goes alright. How long do you have to wait?

Thank you for your response and for sharing your thoughts. You are right about trying not to anticipate my diagnose. I know that bipolar and severe depression run in my family but only my brother was formally diagnosed with bipolar and I don't think he is getting the quality treatment that he should be. As a family, we did not acknowledge our mental problems and they were passed off as episodes or hissy fits (I come from the south!) and generally ignored as bad behavior. I do know that something is definitely wrong; I just got over an "episode" last week and I am still feeling the ups and downs in my emotions. My mother shot herself in June of last year and I think that it is catching up with me. She was 75 yrs old and in fairly good physical health but she just kept saying there was no point in living. I tried to do all the right things for her care but she refused treatment. Sometimes, I feel very sorry for myself but my family has taught me that you just shake it off and go on. And that is not working for me, nor has it ever. I appreciate your input. My appt is April 8 and in a way I am looking forward to it. Go figure. Again, my thanks.

[RRU96]

I would have to agree with perpetuallysad. I know your scared about the side effects of the medications, but until you are diagnosed... the side effects dont really matter. And even if you do get diagnosed, there is no telling what medications may or may not be prescribed to you.

I do have to say, some medications work great for others, some dont. I was tried out on Symbiax, and within 2 days, my wife would not let me take it. Others it may work wonders for. As most people on here will tell you, regardless of the diagnosis, sometimes the struggle to find the right medicine that works for you is frustrating. But that concern needs to come when you are prescribed those medicines.

Looking around online for answers to what you are feeling... as far as the Bipolar, may be a good thing. It gives you things to talk about with your doc at the clinic. But medications and their side effects may need to wait until you see a doctor. They will be able to give you a professional opinion on the drug, not just the BAD stuff you so often find online.

Being that you have no insurance... one word of advice I may offer. If your doc does decide to put you on some medicine for whatever reason, most pharmacies will let you fill a partial prescription. If you are unable to get samples, you may not want to spend the money on a full prescription until you know if the side effects are tolerable. I personally can tell within a few days. This lets me only get a week or so of meds to try out. The remainder of your prescription will be kept on file and can be filled whenever.

Thats my 2 cents.

[Julial]

Originally Posted by RRU96

I would have to agree with perpetuallysad. I know your scared about the side effects of the medications, but until you are diagnosed... the side effects dont really matter. And even if you do get diagnosed, there is no telling what medications may or may not be prescribed to you.

I do have to say, some medications work great for others, some dont. I was tried out on Symbiax, and within 2 days, my wife would not let me take it. Others it may work wonders for. As most people on here will tell you, regardless of the diagnosis, sometimes the struggle to find the right medicine that works for you is frustrating. But that concern needs to come when you are prescribed those medicines.

Looking around online for answers to what you are feeling... as far as the Bipolar, may be a good thing. It gives you things to talk about with your doc at the clinic. But medications and their side effects may need to wait until you see a doctor. They will be able to give you a professional opinion on the drug, not just the BAD stuff you so often find online.

Being that you have no insurance... one word of advice I may offer. If your doc does decide to put you on some medicine for whatever reason, most pharmacies will let you fill a partial prescription. If you are unable to get samples, you may not want to spend the money on a full prescription until you know if the side effects are tolerable. I personally can tell within a few days. This lets me only get a week or so of meds to try out. The remainder of your prescription will be kept on file and can be filled whenever.

Thats my 2 cents.

Great advice on the meds! I remember my sister in law complaining about the cost of some of my brother's drugs, only to find out he could not tolerate them and would have almost a full prescription left. I know that the cost of some of these meds is high but when I think of the money I have spent on the stupidest things, I guess it will weigh out in the end. Sometimes I think part of my problem with taking meds is the authority figure (doctor) telling me that this is what I need to do. One of my many defects, I guess. Thanks for the info!

[perpetuallysad]

That partial fill idea is so smart! I cannot tell you how many bottles I have with only a few out of them and, of course, the money gone! So clever!!

Originally Posted by Julial

...I know that the cost of some of these meds is high but when I think of the money I have spent on the stupidest things, I guess it will weigh out in the end....

This is a great way to think of it!!! (It's one I've had to use to try to reason with myself -- and not even just on random items like --yikes!-- Ebay, but things that were not good and even counterproductive, like drinking. Much better now being aware of things like what possesed me to "need" 27 hand fans . It's an ongoing process, what with being stubborn and a tendency to have to non-logical part of my brain be very convincing at times... (!)
The meds have curbed the ridiculous accumulation tendencies to a degree, so that helps too...

Originally Posted by perpetuallysad

About creativity: I have found that even before seeking treatment my creativity was always way down when I was depressed as opposed to manic/hypomanic. I don't know if everyone has that same experience.

Same experience here. Not creative when depressed, nor do I get any pieces done. Mildly down is ok, but severely depressed? It's all I can do to get out of bed, let alone create.

Let us know how your appointment goes, ok Juliel?

[IndigoRose]

My advice is not to look at the doctor as the "authority figure". Work with your doctor. My doctor respects my views and what I have to say, and he's never tried to get me to take medication that I didn't feel was right for me.

I definitely agree with the previous advice to get a partial fill on what may be prescribed. Walmart also offers generic prescriptions at lower prices. Most doctors these days will ask if you have insurance to cover the medication 'cause like you, they don't think you should go broke just because of a diagnosis.

I wish you much luck with your appointment. I hope everything turns out well, and I'm SO sorry about your Mom. That killed me to read.

[mamaJenof5]

Originally Posted by Julial

Thank you for your response and for sharing your thoughts. You are right about trying not to anticipate my diagnose. I know that bipolar and severe depression run in my family but only my brother was formally diagnosed with bipolar and I don't think he is getting the quality treatment that he should be. As a family, we did not acknowledge our mental problems and they were passed off as episodes or hissy fits (I come from the south!) and generally ignored as bad behavior. I do know that something is definitely wrong; I just got over an "episode" last week and I am still feeling the ups and downs in my emotions. My mother shot herself in June of last year and I think that it is catching up with me. She was 75 yrs old and in fairly good physical health but she just kept saying there was no point in living. I tried to do all the right things for her care but she refused treatment. Sometimes, I feel very sorry for myself but my family has taught me that you just shake it off and go on. And that is not working for me, nor has it ever. I appreciate your input. My appt is April 8 and in a way I am looking forward to it. Go figure. Again, my thanks.

I know where you are at with the family problem (hissy fits!) and I'm from the north...they are all very dumb when it comes to this... mental issues also runs on both sides of my family ( my dad shot himself at 23 when I was just 3, so I only have everyone elses description to go by) My sister, my brother, both have different dads from me and eachother. My moms not so bad now but from the stories I have heard, which all could be the situations she had to deal with, idk,I really don't, but anyway what I was tryng to get too was that up untill my mom excepted my sister had issues mine were just wrote off as (let me see if I can quote her) " a persons excuse to do and say what they want" oh and lets not forget "a reason to be on meds to not have to deal with reality" I really don't think anyone knows the whole of my illness..I do alot of pretending with people idk why its just easier than letting people know your weaknesses b/c they have something to use against you if they want to hurt you. I alays was trying to be "the strong one" lately (and could be due to the med change) I have this feeling of giving up....I have all but quit everything that was so habit to me and now it means nothing, coffee,smoking, drinking, (doesn't seem like much but its all I had) I am looking at what I just typed and those things are so funny now... at the beginning of my end I quit everything that was bad for me anyway I ramble alot..you'll see that Just wanted to say good luck in your quest for meds it may be a long one but I'm praying for you that it's not