[momsupport]

I am new to this site. My son has a possible diagnosis of bipolar disorder. He was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, depression and then bipolar disorder as a middle schooler. By high school his diagnosis was generalized anxiety disorder. He is now 22 years old and in college. He lives in a dorm about 5 hours away from home. He has had problems over the years with what we thought were depression and anxiety. He would call from school crying, wanting to come home. We have always reassured him that he can come home but encourage him to stay at school and finish out the semester first. So far has made it through almost 4 years of college.

He was not going to class a couple of months ago and would call me crying. The Dean of men got involved and has been very supportive. He saw a psychiatric nurse practitioner in the town where he is attending school. She prescribed effexor xr which he took for about 6 weeks but did not feel like it was helping him. He has weaned off the the effexor and is going to start taking Saphris. She said it is a fairly new mood stabilizer.

He has been down this week, not attending all of his classes, calling me crying. Any suggestions on how to help him from those of you who have been there or who have been trying to help? Any experience with Saprhis?

Thanks

[Lisa Michelle]

momsupport I'm not sure what advice I could offer, but it sounds like you are already doing a lot. It's obviously how much you care and I'm sure your son knows that... if he feels able to ring you and cry on the phone to you then I imagine he trusts you and feels like you're listening to him. It takes a lot for people to admit something is wrong and I think it's great there's this openness between you. It shows he feels comfortable talking to you and knows you care. So that's good.
I'm not sure how much more you could do. Is there any chance of you visiting him? When I was struggling at uni it always boosted my mood when my mum and step dad came to visit. They occassionally took me for a weekend holiday, that always helped me also because it's totally de-stressing, especially being out in the countryside.

It's good that your son is open to medication and that he's seen a pyschiatrist nurse... is it ongoing though? I think the thing that I would suggest is that he has a regular therapist.

[Yoda]

Sometimes it takes several weeks for meds to become effective. Others are quicker. Your son needs to be in contact with the person who is prescribing his meds and informing them of what he is experiencing so they can adjust his meds. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right fit. It took me several years to find the right combination that works for me.

I am able to email my psychiatrist if I want to discuss a concern. Your son should find out how best to use the services available at school.

Also he may or may not be eligible for modifications that may help in class such as extended time for tests or written assignments and such. If he is eligible he should register with the office of exceptional students and they will help him.

My son has ADHD, bipolar and a written language learning disability and he is twenty years old and still in high school. I am going to hate when he goes to college (if he is able to do so) because I am so used to being his advocate at school now that I will find the distance difficult.

Good luck.

Let me tell you a story. I was in my last semester of college and my world just fell apart. I just couldn't function. I couldn't focus to write my papers. I was under a great deal of stress as it was also my student teaching semester. My therapist did a very wise thing. He told me to go home for a semester and rest. He contacted all of my professors and the education department and they granted me incompletes so I could go home without penalty and return the next year to finish my degree. My parents were scared I would never go back if I went home. I had gotten that far. Why couldn't I make it a few more months? I just couldn't.

I went home under instructions to just completely rest for the first few weeks. Then I worked for the rest of the time I was home in a pretty easy, stress free environment. I DID go back the next fall and finished my student teaching semester. I graduated, and I've been teaching for 24 years now.

I needed that break. My therapist was wise enough to see that that was what I needed more than anything at that time. If your son needs a rest, would you be open to welcoming him to do that? It is something to consider.

[Yoda]

wow, farmergirl, that is a very cool story. Your therapist was indeed wise.

[momsupport]

The problem is that he bounces back and forth. One day he wants to come home and the next he wants to stay. He came home for a weekend in February and that seemed to help some. When I offer to go visit him, he says no because he wants to be with his friends on the weekends.

I feel like everything is such a mixed bag, which I guess goes along with bipolar. He called this morning asking for money, which of course I am sending him. He has not been able to hold down a job and go to school at the same time, which completely irks his sisters because they think he is just manipulative most of the time. He just sounds so down and I never seem to know what to say. Afraid to say the wrong thing or not say the right thing, I am always "walking on eggshells". He has an appt. this afternoon with the nurse practitioner. He refuses to talk to a counselor or therapist in the town where he goes to school. It is a very christian town and a christian university. He used to go to church and would pray. We went on mission trips together with our church, but now he says he does not believe in God. But I just keep praying!

[BNLsMOM]

Your son's story reminds me of myself when I was in college, except I never reached out. I retreated into my own "pretend" world. I ended up having what I recognize as a delusional episode of paranoia. I just didn't realize that there was anything wrong. I related every mood swing to situation and blamed others for how I was feeling much of the time.

I am happy that your son has reached out for help. It will only help him in the future. I waited until I was 35. By the time I thought there was anything worng, I was too afraid of being labeled as "crazy." I think that contributes to the difficulty my team and I are seeing in treating me successfully. (well, that and the fact that I haven't yet found a p-doc that I can trust.)

You are doing the right thing for you son. I hope to be as attentive as you are when my kids are older. My 8 year old is already diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression. (Sigh)

I hope your son finds some peace.

[TerminalxDarkness]

i was on saphris for a short time, im sorry though, i cannot give you any advice bc it didnt really help me, just made my mind kind of fog. you could possibly talk to your son in the morning, and at night, talk him through his day, he could have a fear of being alone at that college, a sense of not being near you perhaps, but try as much as you can, bc being there for him is the best medicine you can give him, lonliness can envelop even the toughest.

Momsupport, your post has me really misting up. I soooo agree with Lisa Michelle and the others that your caring and acceptance goes farther than you may ever know.

BNLsMOM: "Your son's story reminds me of myself when I was in college, except I never reached out." And farmergirl: "...college and my world just fell apart...Why couldn't I make it a few more months? I just couldn't." Yup, those parts are my story too. Could barely leave the room, never made classes, couldn't reach out, had no idea what was wrong with me. Dropped out, my mother was furious (sniping behind my back --didn't find out for about 25 years...when my sister told me), but clearly the explanation was that I was a useless loser (all the straight A's, art and figure skating that preceeded it clearly didn't count anymore...) and it was all just swept under the rug. Never did come anywhere near potential again. Didn't get properly diagnosed till 46. Denial and shame are powerful and can have long lasting effects.

All that is to say that though you cannot fix it, but the "what" you can do is being someone he can talk with --and that you are doing. The most important thing. Everything else can be some guesswork and trial and error -- stay in/take a break, meds/docs etc, but on the being someone he can talk with -- in that you can be confident you are doing the right thing, even when all else feels topsy turvy. (And the bouncing back and forth... yeah, that's a big part of it alright.) Major kudos to you for that, momsupport!

[Yoda]

Would it be possible for your son to find a job and get an apartment so he can still have the social interactions with his friends?

I dropped out during the spring of my sophomore year and stayed in the college town. I worked at McDonalds. I later became interested in EMS and took a class and started volunteering as an EMT. I did not return to college to complete my degree for two years but I was better prepared and had more direction after taking a break.

[momsupport]

He has not been able to hold down a job and go to school at the same time. He has been talking about staying down at school and living in a house with 3 other guys. There is a friend who will hire him for the summer. The fear is that he will commit to this job and paying the rent, but then back out on his friends. He has very good friends, but how much will they take? He has backed out before and left them in a bind.

Our conversations are always on his terms, if he gets mad or upset he hangs up on me, which is very frustrating. He saw his PNP yesterday, she stopped the saphris and started him on something else. He was very upset and angry because the medication can have the same side effects as the last 2 medications. He did not tell me what the medication is. He said he was going to back to his room and going to bed. He was not going to study for his test today and just doesn't care.

Thank you for all of your answers and support. I feel better that I am able to listen to him and try to help him as I can.