[Moreta]

Let's start back @ monday. My psych was super busy so I got to see her husband who is also a psych, got meds changed, been dealing with that all week. Cable company turned internet and cable off, switched to directv and att, but still no frakin modem. I really hope it comes tomorrw b/c typing too much on my blackberry makes my thumbs hurt.

It was also month end at work and I just kinda sat there on wed & thur and did the minimum amount required.

Friday I went in and decided that I was going to have a good day and got a lot accomplished until around noon when I called my mom. *here comes the triggering part* I had called to let her know that I was not going to be going somewhere with her and of course she keeps talking and this is what she said, "I've decided that its time for me to move on in my life and have found someone who will take me out on their sailboat so I can dump your fathers ashes in the ocean. Would you want to come?"

WTF? Would I want to come?

Wait, back up, time for you to move on?

Whaaaaa, the atlantic ocean? Really?

I didn't really say anything to her after that and just hung up the phone. Me and my dad had more of a morbid sense of humor and we would talk about what we wanted to happen after we died. Like how they better put me in a moseleum b/c what if I'm not really dead? He always said that he wanted to be dumped in the Hudson river, since he was from Husdon, NY. And it wasn't like this was a one off conversation, it usually always came up when we passed a big moseleum since I was fascinated with them. Weird. I'm pretty sure my mom was there like 50% of the time too.

Anyways, she sent me a link to the boat that she wanted to go out on and then I kinda just lost it. Then I sent her an email about how she was just doing this out of convienece because she was ready to move on. Which she replied by saying that she had never had that idea before, blah, blah,blah....

*Interesting Fact: My Dad passed away Dec 2007. Since Hudson River mainly ice till spring I was going to plan a trip in May 2008. My husbands grandparents were even going to take us on their sailboat.
Just an interesting fact.

And todays date would be....

APRIL 2010

/end rant

[gravyyy]

Hang in there Queen. Maybe your mom was speaking more from impule than actually having something planned. Perhaps in a day or so you could speak with her calmly about what you and your dad discussed. Even if she was in the car when you and him were discussing your desired burial proceedings, maybe she wasn't listening. Maybe her friend would be able to hitch up the boat and drive to NY. Or maybe you and your mom could take a trip to NY and then rent a boat. Maybe you could just suggest these things to her and see if the two of you can come to an agreement. In the end, she has the final decision on what happens to him so in my estimation it would be the best for you to calm down, take a few deep breaths and just rationally discuss your feelings about the situation with her. You could say, "you know mom, I think it's great that you've decided to move on with your life and move along in the greiving process. I'm proud that you are feeling like you're ready to let go of him physically but keep the memories you shared. I don't, however agree with your plan to spread his ashes in the ocean. Remember when dad and I would talk about what we wanted to happen after we died? He always said he'd want to be spread over the Hudson. I really feel like we should honor his wishes and I'd like to work with you to possibly carry out his wishes. I realize the decision is yours in the end but I just feel like it's important to do as he wanted...." Something along those lines... Youre acknowledging that her feelings are important and she's made progress toward resolution in her life but you're still being able to express your true feelings. I don't exactly know what your relationship is like with your mom, but maybe this is a good way to start ironing things out. I don't know. It's just a suggestion. You have every right to be upset that your mom is planning something and you know your dad wanted something different. I'm sure your dad would want you to talk with your mom and come up with an agreement rather than having a rift between the two of you over him. If your mom doesn't initiate a conversations about it then you have to but give it a day or two until you calm down a bit. Hang in there and I hope you get things figured out.

[grizmom]

I agree with what has been posted so far...

I was thinking, if your mom decides to go with the ocean idea, could you someday take a trip to the Hudson and go out on a boat with some flowers and maybe a letter to your dad and have a little memorial of your own? I guess that is what I would do, just thought I'd put the idea out there.

Best of luck, I hope that you and your mom are able to agree on something. Take care!

Your mom sounds like she's just trying to have some closure and she was inviting you along. Maybe she doesn't remember or didn't know what he had said to you. Tell her about this other option. But it really is her decision. It was her husband.